Sotto, it never stops, still it is my choice to keep on fighting rather than give in. There is no interest in the Big House mainly because of the spiral stairs.
Jellyb rainbows back.
Fogg, I am glad I helped you move and energise. I am swimming and gyming again tomorrow, so if I inspire you tomorrow, that's ok.
GG, I know you work uber hard too, I am hoping you can borrow an artificial insemination kit or break into XWH house to get yours. Now that mysterious post will have visitors to your thread ooooozing curiousity.
Di, love the new name for a new incarnation!
U I often think Ii should have some of others burdens! You lovely sweet man, what a treasure you are.
Anc, thank you for your lovely words, I am here to support you as you move onwards through your sitch. Whatever happens I am still here for you. Keep on recording, keep on keeping on.
This mess is mine too you know, I let it happen, I froze as it took shape.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/31/1511:32 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
There is a spirit here at the house. It's my old black cat, I often see her back end going round corners, never her face. She may move with me but I guess she is locked to the house.
She was 24 years old when she died. At the end she had a stroke, got lost and I thought died somewhere but no, there was a sign in the local vets "elderly black female cat found, very very noisy, collect immediately." . After that she never left the house. She was named after a liquor as when she was a kitten and had no name, we were drinking an Irish cream called baileys and kitty put her head in the glass and got it stuck. She would follow any visitor around, my window cleaner asked "how many black cats do you have?", one I said. "Oh, every window I go to there is a black cat". She followed him around from window to window every time.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/01/1503:49 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Last couple of days, I have had severe PTSD reactions, including flooding and flashbacks. It's nightmares, it's my reptilian response and I am in survival mode, in constant on position.
I have felt sick, diarrhoea, freezing and dysregulation. I feel like I have been beaten up by Mohammed Ali, hyperalert, intrusive thoughts, insomnia. I feel so numb and miserable. I am afraid, this comes and goes. My doctor says its like shockwaves following an earthquake, I am fractured and unregulated in my emotions. He does say I am very strong emotionally and this would have broken most people. There is a fog and this is happening because I am no longer in combat mode, and this shows I am getting healed. It will take a long time. The memories are embedded and I am very traumatised. It is good that I don't get angry.
I need silence and nature around me. Sleep and rest.
It is my body and mind connecting and this needs managing, I have been meditating, I am going to stop and rest for a little while.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/03/1504:25 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You are doing wonders and working hard towards your freedom and a happier life.
I am too very proud of you and inspired by the courage you are showing us all.
This is all very difficult and you have the plus traumas from an abusive R. No one deserves this, but as you said we all have some responsibility for letting it happen and then letting it get out of control.
But this is life and maybe the way we learn and become better for ourselves. You are a fantastic person and I am sure that bit by bit you will put your life back together and have it the way it pleases you.
Love all your answers about your health and how you are taking good care after yourself. There is just so much you can do. The exercise is a HURRAY! so, so good for us all. Great job V.
Your pirate ship is getting a big clean up and soon we will see the Queen's ship w/a sharp, intelligent, smart and beautiful captain...
Your descriptions of your body and mental symptoms of trauma and healing are oh so familiar to me. Mental and emotional exhaustion does not completely crush a soul, however it is weighty.
The book The Healing Codes, talks about all illness and trauma being the result of "heart issues" and all healing occurs when these heart issues are healed. The book identifies a number of human virtues as healing, like Patience and Forgiveness. But that which heals the fastest and trumps all others is LOVE.
So Lady V, I intend to light a healing candle for you this evening and focus my nights meditations on some very healing rainbow tummy LOVE to you. I'm a Catholic girl at heart so I have a history of completing the rosary. So this will be my form of a Rosary to you and the Highpower, just for this time while you heal and regain your strength.
I am sure too there is enough love here on these boards for you dear Lady V to support you while you rest and sleep. Whatever work there needs to be done to make life a little easier and I am sure our positive DBing thoughts can move some mountains for you!
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
