V is for Vanilla 24

[Vanilla]

Last post last thread

last post last thread

All posts by Vanilla

All posts by Vanilla

Abuse threads with Zelda

Abuse thread 1 resource thread

Fins and business with WhyUs

in progress fins, business and emotions

V

[Vanilla]

From last thread

V, just wanted to thank you and say what a great help you are to everyone on the board. It inspires me to help those on this path more also.

Glad your GAL is picking up, I'm still a bit behind and my time is severely limited with work and kids. I'm find myself needing to prioritize my time in a way I never had before and I still waste much time doing not much at all. That is shifting slowly

The story about where name vanilla comes from has come into my thoughts a few times over the last few days. Its something I've never heard of before.

Thank you Fogg, that's really good to hear.

I do have to say one year ago I knew a little bit, and certainly didn't practice the skills much. Pouting here has improved, my grammar, spelling and other skills.

I learn so much from posting to others especially evaluating other posters responses too.

V

[Vanilla]

The clocks went back last night, it's cold, I forgot to put the heating and hot water on. I need a bath.

So I am a very lazy V indeed. Lying in bed posting. And I gave myself yesterday as a free day. I moochef, then went to a friend's birthday party. I ate a huge piece of cake, not good for a diabetic.

I will have backache and wasted muscles. I am wasting the day and there is so much to be done.

I downloaded the affair first series from Amazon Prime, I also had to buy a new sky WiFi box mine no longer works. And a new loo seat for the rented house.

Some items to return to the shops, maybe I should do that instead?

I didn't write down my daily goals last night so no focus today.

So I am going to put the heating and those wretched purple bed socks on and get to it.

I am quite down at the moment, once again it's my fins. No cash to pay for anything. Too much to do.

I hope I can get through this very soon.

Cash won't start to flow until I invoice, I could do some of that today.

I posted this on another thread and I can remind myself of it:


There are two days about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY,
With its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders,
Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
We cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day – TODAY.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
– YESTERDAY and TOMORROW –
That we break down.

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.


So using my current power phrase Go girl, go girl, go girl.

V

[Vanilla]

Key post from last thread, Avanti and V on V's fins. Still my major issue and it's worse this month than last.

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I am struggling, the Fins are awful.

So are the Swedish, but what's that got to do with it? :-)

Now then.....

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My sleep is disrupted and I struggle every day as more and more crap from WH piles up and up. Saw L yesterday, she wants to go on the offensive and to offset the increase in WH pension scheme against my settlement.

I just want this over, done finished.

The deception, lies and out and out manipulation is becoming very clear.

I feel so stupid not to have seen it.

You are being unnecessarily tough on yourself and if you saw someone doing that what would you say to them?

I would probably say, evaluate the truth in it and make a plan, instead of just sitting with your head up your jacksie, complaining. Plus - life is very short, why waste more time thinking about a waster? Go enjoy life.

So here it is:

Plan for turnaround in Fins

What is causing the issue? I work hard and yes I GAL too. PMA is positive but in these mornings, I wake at 7 and sit and veg out until nearly 10 because I feel so overwhelmed. Once up and 'at it' I am ok. Its the getting to it which is an issue. Sleep is possible but not restful.

Whenever I tackle the books I see the damage WH has done and I fall into a funk about it. These are triggers for me, spending cash on himself when the bills remain unpaid.

If I can just suck it up and get it done then I can file the paperwork and invoices and I will never have to look at it again unless HMRC asks a question. At least I wont have to post items from bank statements arising from WH period anymore.

It is the reconciliations that are needed.

One of my problems is WH moved money around the accounts without really leaving a proper paper trail. It takes hours to track a transaction around. The current paperwork is fine as I do that myself, it isn't in a good enough state to delegate any of it. There are now paying in books with copies of transfers, nothing is missing. Accounts are named properly and transfers done properly.If I have to transfer say 1000, one of the tricks is to make the transfer an odd sum so transfer 1010.28 for 1000 transferred on 28 October. Each transfer is unique and trackable. Makes life easier!

WH worked from spreadsheets which are non functional, without dates and descriptions. He kept accusing me of not having accounting systems, untrue, we have been using the same accounting package since 2003 and it is on virtual servers. He just preferred his spreadsheets which have almost no value. they are unusable and the information is incomplete. All transfers are called transfers, duh! Its like saving letters in word with the title 'letter', doesn't say who to, what for, when, where or why. I am never opening his spreadsheets again, they confuse me very much and putting them right will take too much effort, so I have started again, from scratch. This means 18 months of reposting and reconciling. i am almost there. I need to push it home.

Every drawer, cupboard and zipper file I opened had invoices in it. Some going back up to two years. Unsorted, duplicates and a big mess. This I sorted, so with the very odd exception its now only current stuff which is filed about once every two weeks. this will now be done on a Friday. Every Friday.

I need changes for me.

Those changes need to be now and need to be fast. The Fins (really Avanti!), I think its because I get it 80% done and then never finish my own Fins. So here is what I am going to do, every weekend from Thursday afternoon until Monday morning I will work on my Fins and nothing else until everything is cleared. Only Saturday night GAL. A member of staff is coming in to help me on Sunday- at home. Every spare minute will be spent on my Fins not client work. Its not in that bad a shape. Its just posting of accounts to be done.


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The iPad is annoying. It's not the end of the world, you seem to be very unlucky as I've not had any issues with them. When IT goes mad it's usually because you filled up the storage, is the iPad quite full?

Sadly no, there is loads of space. It's the wifi and bluetooth not working I think.

Part of the problem is that WH 'wiped' all the info from 2 ipads and 2 iphones, quite deliberately in my view. I just don't know what is coming next!!!!

I use iexplorer to clear it to my laptop. I now have a 'cheapie' Samsung and with my chromecast I should be able to do lots of projecting to my Samsung TVs. I love technology and could loose my self for hours in it.

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Your very very very very exceedingly WH and his shenanigans is all part of the package and you are taking it personally, what would you say to someone who asked you what they do, if they were in your position?

I would say 'yes, I get it' and 'nothing you can do'.

Sadly abuse isnt like that, I get flashbacks and trauma hitting me, and I will recover, I am learning as many recovery techniques as I possibly can. I will pay it forward here. I have been on this board a year and I have learned as much in one year as I have learned in the whole of my life. I also have learned to express myself a little, my early posts here were in accounts style and slightly precise. I have learned that I have an on line personality and a way of expressing which has spilled over into my ordinary life.

I decided last week to visit the supermarket where I last had my major breakdown- this was after reviewing this on the board. I thought it was time I faced my distress and tackled it head on. I even bought apple juice, which I gave away. It took a lot out of me and set me back for a couple of days. On Tuesday I will go again and I will keep on doing it until I am free of the fear. I am developing some techniques which I will share. I think they will be very useful.

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Time to turn that V. Incisiveness inwards, you know the answers are there, hopefully we can help you to gain access to them.

Yes, I know. I need action not activity!

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For what it's worth, I think your glam sis's situation is weighing you down as all the information you have on her is verbal. Isn't it time to go and see her, for you and for her?

Yes, you are right although we face time. Glam sis is very overweight (UK size 16, US size 14) at the moment and it concerns me. I have arranged that she is coming down with favourite cousin to the Brighton flat soon where we do girlie. She wants to do Xmas shopping in the Brighton Laines (which are amazing by the way).

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Thank you for your post, I see Avanti, you are doing a V probe on V!!!

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Still my issue, I feel no further forward. Still so much work and all I want to do is rest.

V

[Vanilla]

Friends birthday party last night was only 250 yards from where WH used to live, his old family house. I also had to pass by the venue we used to go dancing.

I think it's triggered me.

V

[Vanilla]

I'm find myself needing to prioritize my time in a way I never had before and I still waste much time doing not much at all. That is shifting slowly

Fogg, it is easy to mistakenly see, using the benefit hindsight, letting things be for a while as wasting time. Don't be hard on yourself, you did the right thing at the time, now things are changing and so will your priorities and use of time.

Fogg, all we can do is follow the Today, Tomorrow and Yesterday guidance.

Let go.

V

[PigPen]

Friends birthday party last night was only 250 yards from where WH used to live, his old family house. I also had to pass by the venue we used to go dancing.

I think it's triggered me.

V

That's hard V, I'm sure it stirred you up despite how much of a pain in the arse your XH has been. Please breathe through it. The post about you lazily writing from bed made me happy as it means you're giving yourself some much needed rest.

You have much healing to do V, even though you've taken control of your sitch, put distance between you and XH, and brilliantly gotten your life untangled. Still there is a heart in there that needs mending. Triggers will point out where that hurt still lies.

I hope your heart is at ease again today, all day, and tomorrow too.

Big hug,

PP

[Dawn70]

Triggers are very hard, particularly when you have as a big a heart as our sweet lady V. I'm continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and just know that you are going to come out alright. You are a strong lady!

[rd500]

Just to echo all the above.

Big hugs. Rd. xx

[ep0215]

Triggers are so hard. ((((HUGS))) You are always such a comfort to me, V. You are so strong and I am sure you have already picked yourself back up.