Meaning you are 100% responsible for your life and the outcome of every situation in your life. A concept I truly believe, but struggle to apply it to 100% of my life.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Meaning you are 100% responsible for your life and the outcome of every situation in your life. A concept I truly believe, but struggle to apply it to 100% of my life.
I hope that's not what he means, as there are not just two players involved in your life. It is a complex web, a lot of which is outside your control. This formula seems like a recipe for a lot of self hatred when life doesn't end up how you wanted through no fault of your own.
At a minimum, the person triggering the event, will react to your reaction and so on.
I think it would be better to say that all you have control over ultimately is your reactions and actions. But that hardly leads to a desired outcome.
Otherwise, we'd just manipulate ourselves into getting what we wanted, except that it often conflicts with other people are trying to manipulate to get what they want.
Just saying.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
A - Different concept I know, but It is exactly what he means. I encourage you to read the book and then we can talk.
He discusses why this is useful and how by not thinking this way be get stuck in a cycle of waiting for someone to change or how we then relate to ourself as the victim.
This is not the same but very close to MWDs ideas on it takes one to tango.
Sorry for the hijack lost.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
No worries Mahhhty. I can't change him, but I can change how I react to him, which will change the outcome. I get it.
Just stopping in to check in. Things seem to be going in a mostly positive direction. I still have lots to work on (especially with regard to verbal interactions) but have things I'm doing well too.
Time for me to get some sleep. Will try to give more details later in the week!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Things are still positive however I'm not sure they are moving forward, or maybe they are just very, very slowly.
We are doing things together and enjoying ourselves but still do much apart (which I'm not complaining about!) We do not talk about our relationship at all but he does talk about the future. For example, he is released for light duty at work and is hoping to go back overseas (if possible). It is not what I want, or his kids and I did tell him that. He said something along the lines of he knows that BUT just think of what WE can do financially. So some things will never change I guess.
The closest we got to talking about our relationship is his commenting/asking me if I remember him saying he just needed a break (from overseas) about a month prior to him coming home. I said "you weren't exactly talking to me then" and he said "oh, that's right."
So, still a lot of work to be done. Things that I need that eventually will have to be addressed. But for now lots and lots of patience.
Also, found a list of GAL activities I wanted to do and haven't, so I think I need to pick at least one and get on it!
To answer your question RAI I have not run in quite a while and my body and clothes definitely feel it, so when I get back from my short trip north for my dad's 80th it is time to get focused.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You post on my thread. But not on your own... Hmmmmm... I bet the thought of jotting everything down is daunting, especially as time elapses.
Well how about an indication of it is going well or not??
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hi Mahhhty, yes it gets to be a lot. There hasn't really been much change. We have not talked about our R at all, it seems like he is more in the door than out.
I have to sit down and jot down my thoughts completely soon so I can keep track of where I've been, where I am and where I want to be.
I will say that I've been somewhat frustrated lately and have to keep reminding myself where I was just a few short months ago. There have been moments where I feel like we are right back into our old marriage (more the last week or so) in our interactions. I guess it boils down to wanting more than he can give. I have the past couple of weeks told myself that I didn't/don't want a divorce (I worked/am working hard to save my marriage) and I may not get all of my needs met, for now I'm ok with that, for now only.
We do go out together, talk about the future (especially regarding his employment and possibly going back overseas, he is about to be released to do so) and have sex at least once a week. So, those are the positives.
No longer lost, just confused!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
