There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thank you, Thornton. You really are a big help. I think I will see about getting some meds. This is all almost too much and I really can't handle it anymore. I try so hard but I feel like I am sinking with no escape in sight. I know this is a long road, and that just makes it that much harder. I miss her so much.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Guys I am really struggling now. If it weren't for my kids I don't know if I could even go on. I just feel so dead inside. I wish so much that I knew how my behaviors would have been back then so we wouldn't be in this place.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Many times I thought about taking the easy way out. Instead of looking at the bog picture, break them down into bite size chunks.
Don't know how you're going to make it through today? Instead, think, just make through the next hour. Then set another goal, make it until 3pm, and so on.
Make an appointment with your doctor, he will be able to help.
And also, its VERY common to take on all the blame. Trust me, your w is not a saint. She has made mistakes too. Don't fall into the trap that you are the sole reason this is happening.
Relationships are hard, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high. It takes two people to make a relationship successful. Yes, you made mistakes. So did she. We all do. Forgive yourself, there's not a step by step manual for this stuff.
Take a look at your mistakes and LEARN from them. That's what you can control now.
Thank you, Thornton. Yesterday was really a bad day for me. But, I didn't let her or the kids see it. Always remain upbeat even when feeling the worst! I realize that it isn't all my fault, and you are correct. I tend to take on the world on my shoulders and am working on that.
So, last night kind of evened out. We all went for a walk and got along great. I continued practicing the 37 and detaching and working on myself.
It took me a while, but I do feel that I am returning to that man I was and the one she fell for (I know, odd to hear concerning how down I have been lately). I want to think that she is taking notice and maybe she is. But I do feel better inside. I have made some fundamental changes to my way of thinking. I have to - for me. Which trickles down to kids and everyone else.
I don't know if this is an interesting turn of events - maybe it is what it is: My W has the holiday off and a while ago we had discussed me also taking it off for just the two of us. Today, she tells me that she wants us to go do something alone - which would allow us to talk about things and kind of sort them out. I don't really know what to think on that. The optimist says maybe that candle is burning a little brighter, and the pessimist says she isn't considering that at all. However, she did say that it was going to be nothing bad.
Take on this???
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
E, I think your wife wanting to go do something alone and spend time talking is a good thing. My only advice is to not read into things. Take it slow. Try to remain objective and detached. Try to listen and validate her perspective more than express and/or defend yours. Show that you can listen and understand what she is feeling and I think that will help her reestablish trust and see you more as the man she fell in love with. Remember, you need to approach these situations "As if" you are a team and working toward the same goal, but not so much that you push too hard or too quickly.
M: Late 30s W:Late 30s S: 4 D:2
Known: 19 Together:8 Married:5
ILYINILWY: 8/2015 EA: Confirmed 9/2015, Started 8/2015? PA: No evidence, W Denies D: Planned for Spring 2016
Today, she tells me that she wants us to go do something alone - which would allow us to talk about things and kind of sort them out. I don't really know what to think on that.
Don't get your hopes up. Have no expectations.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
E, I think your wife wanting to go do something alone and spend time talking is a good thing. My only advice is to not read into things. Take it slow. Try to remain objective and detached. Try to listen and validate her perspective more than express and/or defend yours. Show that you can listen and understand what she is feeling and I think that will help her reestablish trust and see you more as the man she fell in love with. Remember, you need to approach these situations "As if" you are a team and working toward the same goal, but not so much that you push too hard or too quickly.
Thank you, Cole. Your advice is spot-on. For a while I made the mistake of pushing too hard and too quickly. Note: that is NOT what one should do in R situations...
One of my issues is that I read into things too much. My counselor has been helping me with that a good bit - also with the pushy bit. I have been working on all of that and think that I am in a better place because of it. Lessons learned. Time will only tell what her intentions are - and I have learned to look at things from an outsider's viewpoint. Not easy, because I know that I am an emotional driven person. That's next week's topic!
Thank you again for stopping and saying hello!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thank you, Sandi. Unfortunately, that is one of the hardest things for me to do and I really have no idea how to counter it.
Let me ask you this, would someone who is intent on leaving the marriage want to go to a birthday party which will have my family there?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
