RD Movin on 10

[rd500]

Thank you all for the input. Think it's time to move on I don't get as upset as I did about what's happened and at the end of the day she made choices for herself and I have to respect them.

She might one day change her mind and then I can see how I feel. It's tough for the kids and I wonder if that's why I still help EXW and care because when you look at the sitch why would I still want to be with her She's not who she was and that's the hard part to accept Why they change and how they change doesn't really matter because they have changed and that's it

All good at home and just collected kids from school Pizza night tonight and a film I see glimpses of how life will be very good again one day and it's nice to have that feeling It doesn't always stay for long but I keep clearing me mind of the unpleasant thoughts and it's gets easier

Thanks again , it's great to have this support. Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Hi RD, before you decide on anything major like that - where's the harm in trying a couple of science experiments with no expectations?

I have quite a bit of time for your W. Mainly because she genuinely seems to be in crisis. She isn't out there living it up in hae mini skirt and stilettoes. She has left her whole family behind (including lovely RD) and is clearly struggling.

You say she's made choices and you need to respect them. But truly - is she fit to be in charge right now? It's up to you if you are ready to move on (which I would question whether you are BTW) but if you are ready...why not try a couple of things first. Just to see how they go?

[Avanti]

Rd, you have every right to make your decision and I completely respect it and have immense respect for you for making it.

One last angle though, if I may as it hasn't come up. When the BD came and your world all started to fall apart, did you at any time think, how is this going to affect the kids? Silly question I know.

So far, everyone has, quite rightly told you to focus on you and your kids and recently the focus has been on your Interactions with your W or is your STBXW?

Have you taken any time to think about how your kids will feel? In years to come will your conscience be clear and you can say to yourself that you did everything you could? How do you think they would view you if you could say to them that you tried everything you could to have a second M with their mum but it didn't work out, rather than, where you seem to be heading at the moment, ending the R because the first M didn't work out?

I have said my piece now and will not raise this again, you are a strong and very capable man that it is a privilege to share electrons with and having your respect, by knowing when to stop, is far more important than trying to persuade you that I am right. Which I may or may not be...

[Vanilla]

I want RD to be happy, in a loving gentle R, with a sexy Pinkish style lady. Riding his bike and laughing with his honey.

WW has freedom of your home. How will you have your privacy to move on?

There are some things to resolve RD. I for one think you will know what you want.

You are grounded.

What is the film tonight.

Tons of hugs to all

V

[rd500]

Hi All. Thanks for the posts and I think Avanti has hit the nap on the head. I would rather let EXW go than risk anymore hurt I've thought about the posts all week and even though EXW has called and text more than normal and has reached out in a couple of ( potentially ) positive ways I still think it's time to move on.

I was with I/C on Thursday and she was very impressed by how I was. She felt I was ready to let the sitch go and move forward. She still thinks an R is very possible and has advised me against starting a fresh R with anyone She feels EXW is stuck in a stagnant pool for now and EXW has to choose to climb out. L/C did offer to see EXW for free but I haven't told EXW as it hasn't come up
I felt really good seeing L/C and came away very positive and I'm staying on the positivity train going forward.

Work has been good this week. Had a meeting with a major client and we are keeping the business for another year. On the way back from the meeting I took a call from a potential customer and they are 99% certain they are coming to us for storage which means the warehouse is almost at capacity. Happy days !!!

Kids all ok but a few little things have become larger issues and I defused them but they are still there. In laws coming fr a visit next week and while they are supportive of me , EXW is their flesh and blood so I spoke with FIL and explained I would not be around as I felt it would cause unnecessary awkwardness for us all. He tried to persuade me to meet but I declined. EXW s brother walked out on his family and the inlaws treated SIL without much thought and now they no longer communicate. I think inlaws have learnt from this experience.

Kids don't really want to see inlaws but I'm sure once they meet them the nervousness will disappear. Kids always got on with inlaws before EXW left but have t seen them in over a year and won't take their calls

I am just waiting to be served at a very nice restaurant in Dublin were I am waiting for D14 to finish seeing 1 direction. I got her three tickets last year as she was D13 then and not allowed into the concert without an adult. I was going with D13 and her bestie. However D14 informed me two days ago that now she was D14 she no longer need my company and she was taking 2nd bestie instead. As you can imagine I was heart broken but since Zane left it hasn't fellt the same for me anyway

I left about 3 ish and EXW was there to say goodbye. She asked was I going for a meal and where. I told her and she asked who I was taking. I answered I hadn't decided with a laugh. She replied , enjoy your hot date. She then asked me if S16 icould go with me !!! I told her no as the car was already full of three teenage girls going to a concert and no place for S16. ( or me ). She since called me and asked if I was go to drive home because the concert was on for 4 hours , again I replied no. I will add I look absolutely stunning tonight so no wonder she was curious !!!!!!!

That's the update and I will enjoy my dinner and then collect three hyper teenagers for an hours (!) drive home The joys of being a dad

Thanks for reading and take care all. Rd

[Sotto]

Oh, you lost your place at the concert.....that's too bad!!! I have no idea who Zane is I'm afraid, though I did once know someone who was married to a Zane. Sounds like your W is a little rattled about your plans tonight. Mysterious is the way to go for sure....along with looking stunning of course!!

Now then, back to the whole 'moving on' theme. I get where you are coming from. I'm not sure if I would feel able to open up to h again. It feels easier just to move on in so many ways and open up with someone else in time. However, I haven't entirely given up hope. I just don't plan my life around any potential reconcilitation. If I ever come to that bridge, I will cross it at the time.

What I want to ask is - what does 'moving on' actually mean for you though? Is it purely an internal shift, or will anything become different as a result? It doesn't sound as though you want to date just yet. You can't D yet. I guess you could formally S if you wanted? In a way, I think it's no bad thing for us all to accept the R as over and act as if. However, we can still DB and do that. I think the boundaries for me are I didn't want to file for D and I don't want to date while I'm still M and would still consider a possible R with H. That just doesn't seem fair to some other guy.

Enjoy your meal and try not to feel too sad about missing the concert xxx

[Avanti]

...I would rather let EXW go than risk anymore hurt...

Hurt is not your W's exclusive domain, others can do that to you too, the difference is that she's a known(ish) quantity...

... I've thought about the posts all week and even though EXW has called and text more than normal and has reached out in a couple of ( potentially ) positive ways I still think it's time to move on.

That must have been painful but brave. Go with your heart and mind.

...I/C did offer to see EXW for free but I haven't told EXW as it hasn't come up..

When it does, don't forget the offer. She's your kids mother and they deserve someone who they can enjoy life with and and I/C will help her to recover herself and be there for them.

...As you can imagine I was heart broken but since Zane left it hasn't felt the same for me anyway ...

I feel for you. Zane was the magic in that band. Who is Zane?

I told her no as the car was already full of three teenage girls going to a concert and no place for S16...

Correct me if I am wrong, you drive an RR, right? 3 teenagers on the back seat would each ride in sumptuous comfort. Was it more that you wanted to eat on your own?

The joys of being a dad

Immense, aren't they.

[rd500]

Hi Sotto and Avanti. Thanks for posting. Dinner finish Considerably poorer but food was good.

Avanti. I get what your saying re hurt and it's possible that I might get hurt again. I don't think I will ever be that hurt by someone as once bitten and all that.

I would hope to have an R again one day but. Honestly don't feel I would ever trust to that level again so any hurt caused further down the line would not be as bad as EXW

I would always help EXW with her demons because she is kids mother but as time progresses I don't feel the contact will be the same.

Yes indeed an RR but 3 14 year old girls in the back , no way , I put D14 in the front , stuck beasties in the back with earphones on and dvd on the screens. D14 and I rocked to Style Councl the whole way

S16 s head would have exploded had he had to endure the journey

Sotto. Moving on in more a mental thing I have harboured hopes that EXW would try a return for an R but as time progresses the logistics of time apart make reconciliation very difficult. I believe I will always love the person I thought EXW was And even typing this I'm filled with great memories It's always hard to let go and maybe this is nt the time but it feels like it is. I won't behave any different other than to reduce my time around EXW. This really seems to help

Again thank you for your input. Another two hours to go and then the debrief. Can't wait.

Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Well, the movie is finished and I'm no poorer, but the film was good.

So, what are you up to now RD.....dessert??

I understand what you are saying about never being that hurt again. I feel that too. I'm not sure if I would marry again - be so 'all in.' But who knows for us both in time. There are scars for sure, but it would also be a shame not to love again wholeheartedly in case of hurt.

I think reducing your time is a good plan for now anyway. Enjoy the rest of your evening my friend xx

[PigPen]

Great updates Rd, you've got a strength and fortitude to move forward that I aspire too. It's hard for all of us to imagine being all in again with our current wounds still unhealed, and even then the scar tissue will be there to remind us of this round.

That being said, we get to make all new decisions at that time. Not now. Now we just have to take care of ourselves, continue being a rockstar dad, and do our own work.

Your EXW sounds like she is certainly struggling and I'm sure you have compassion for her path, but also need to keep yourself and your family off of it. Completely understandable. I hope she finds the solace she is looking for in a healthy way.

Congrats on the business success, you truly are an example of a man that it is handling things with grace and strength on all fronts.

Cheers,
PP