Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce

[SunnyB]

It is in the best interest of the kids. WW is not allowing me to see them when she is going out of town to see OM for 4 days at a time. She is not allowing them to play sports because I am the coach. They have told me they are afraid she will get mad if I talk to her about their school. She has asked them to choose between the two of us. There is just a combination of different things that keep adding up.--She has a drinking issue. OM is a drug addict and she wants to bring him back to live with her according to S19(does not matter until it happens I know).

The most recent obviously is her going out of town to see OM and still not allowing the kids to stay with me. She knows I am a great father and has always said so. It is just a control issue for her right now.

You definitely have some issues that need to be addressed. I don't know how far you'll get with a custody change but it's worth a shot. But you also need to find a way to address the underlying issues, the courts can't fix that. That's going to take something else. Painter might be able to help you here.

[WhyUs]

I am thinking about sending an email to WW that will go like this:

WW, thank you for allowing the kids to spend the night with me last night. I think it was very healthy for them to spend that time with me. In the future I would love to have them the entire time you are out of town like you were this weekend. Currently, they are spending more time with their grand parents than their own father. This concerns me. It is important that they understand that I am still just as important to them as I was before this all started. They need to know they can rely on me and that I am their primary care taker when you are not a a available to them. Their relationship with me is very important to their developement. Please take this into consideration the next time you go out of town and need someone to watch the kids.

Any thoughts from the crowd?

[Drew]

Why do you have a temporary custody order that doesn't have YOUR children with you 50% of the time?

[NDY]

Hi WhyUs

I'm sorry, I haven't been keeping up to date with your sitch. Have you spoken to a L yet? I'd do that if I were you and I'd also do my own research on D/Custody in your area. Here where I am the law is very clear. It's 50/50. No such thing as the Mother getting automatic custody of the children and if they deliberately keep the children away from the father for no good reason THAT can look very bad on the mother if there were to be a custody battle.

That's why I'm a bit confused by your email. I'd do the research first and foremost then re write the email with your rights highlighted. It read to me as though you are asking permission to see your OWN children. That's simply not right. When my WW tried this on with me I simply DEMANDED my rights within the law. Her own L even tried this on so my L and I knew exactly how to respond. The result? 50/50 and she has backed down on this.

As Cadet says in his signature 'Knowledge is power'

Time to take it to her my friend. That email is too wimpy for my tastes.

[WhyUs]

NDY,

We have already had a temporary custody hearing. In my state it is not 50/50. There is a standard order used until the divorce is final. The primary caregiver(in my case WW) gets the kids most of the time during the school year. Holidays and the summer are split evenly.

I am requesting that when the kids are in her care and she cannot take care of them that she ask me first before letting someone else take care of them. Right now I only get them every other weekend and for 4 hours one day a week.

[Drew]

And how does she keep YOUR children from playing sports? Because THEIR father is the coach????? How exactly does she do that? Because she said so?

Dude.

I'll admit I haven't read your whole thread, but the posts I have set off HUGE red flags and warning sirens. You're begging her to spend time with YOUR kids????

Really?

[NDY]

Ah, ok now I understand. I don't know much about temporary custody orders as I live across the pond but do they not make consideration for these types of situations? Surly the order must state that if your W isn't available to look after your kids it defaults to you?

[Drew]

Standard order, smandard order. It's only standard if you don't fight it. And soon it will become "what the children are accustomed to."

Get a new lawyer. One who will fight for your rights as a father. They work for you.

[WhyUs]

Drew,

I agree. She has custody during practices and every other game. She will not let my S5 participate when she has the kids. She even agreed to let them play and then changed her mind after the season started and I already volunteered to coach. I'm coaching a bunch of 5 yr old girls and my own daughter does not show up to any practice and plays in every other game. Just crazy!

There is nothing I can do about it unless I go back to court and the judge agrees with me on these issues. Frankly, she is well within her rights. The bigger issue is that this is temporary and she is showing that she is not willing to co-parent and do what is in the best interest of the kids.

[WhyUs]

I have an L. I do agree that he is not aggressive. I have considered changing for this very reason.