Thanks RD. You are right & it does just wear you down sometimes. I'm mostly pretty good & hopeful things will get even better in time.
So, H emailed today. He wonders if I want to discuss a £ settlement 'before the big legal bills start' now we've exchanged packages. He said last time we discussed this he suggested I take all house proceeds, keeping all else in our names. He said he could offer me a chunk of cash now and just take that amount off the house sale when it sells.
He's happy to talk this through by phone which he says may be easier than email & I can just let him know a good time to call. He understands if I would rather leave it to the legal process if I'm not comfortable.
Where we are up to is we exchanged £ info and he declared an interest in a number of businesses but didn't provide accounts. My L asked for that info a month ago and has chased it since then, but no accounts yet.
The actual money side of these businesses doesn't really make a financial difference to me. I will be more than comfortable with the settlement already offered and I don't want to greedily chase after money. But I guess I just have two issues:
1) In the £ exchange process, you don't get to declare something and not provide evidence of it. 2) I just don't know if he might be storing some funds in these companies and it would be a bit galling to be firstly cheated on and secondly stitched up in our settlement.
But I guess I would be happy to let the accounts go. That said, I would prefer to let things go through normal legal process - but I don't want to seem uncooperative. I know he is nervous about big legal bills as his 'London' L has quoted up to £30k to handle the D (and over £50k if the D were contested.) Eyewatering I know!
I could just reply and say we're waiting on that accounts info and then we can move forward.
But I think the compromise is to say I'll let the L know I'm happy we 'close' the checks process and move towards settlement now.
I just don't want to feel pressured on the phone with him to 'close the deal', so I'm inclined not to schedule a phone call.
Any thoughts??
Last edited by Sotto; 10/14/1503:39 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Your not comfortable with phone call so that's that one decided
I'm sorry to say it but H can't be trusted If he's looking at 50k in legal bills then that's quite a carrot to wave in front of him re your settlement. I'm not advising you to take any more than your due. just get what your due and not a penny less
At the end of the day your a decent person with a good heart. The reason Ls are involved is that they have no emtional interest. For me , do what makes Sotto happy and comfortable., just make sure you don't look back regretting your choices
I could just reply and say we're waiting on that accounts info and then we can move forward.
This. You definitely should not agree to anything until you know whether he's hiding money in those businesses. Then once you have that information oyu can agree on an equitable split.
Thanks guys, I just got back to him. Responded with a couple of positive comments about his news and added my work is going well, and looks like my contract will extend beyond March.
Then I said - I think we're just awaiting that business accounts info and then we can hopefully move things forward and that I'm keen to minimise legal costs too.
Then finished with saying I'll organise the gardener to visit again soon.
I'm happy with that. Somehow when he asks for something I just want to oblige and feel bad for standing my ground. But I think this was the right thing to do. He hasn't yet supplied all info needed. When he has - then we can agree a settlement.
He probably won't be pleased, but there it is. I just have a sense that he wants us to go - yeah, you have the house and I'll take this. All sorted. Let's just tell the L's now.
The other thing that I find irritating is, when he contacts me he always just puts 'stuff' on the email subject line. Like our life together was just 'stuff.'
Anyway, minor rant over. I responded and it's done. Thanks for the helpful input, and hope you guys are having a nice evening xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Feeling a little rough this morning. Our sitch is so low contact that contact from H rattles me a bit. Didn't sleep that well and I feel tired and a bit cronky this morning. I'd like to be able to deal better with contact from him. I manage to respond rather than react to him, but I spin a little and it does impact on me. For example, yesterday I spun a little and emailed the L to ask if we are ready to talk settlement and maybe it's time for me to drop the business accounts thing.
Then later I had to email her again to say I haven't dropped the business accounts & I have reminded H we need them. Every email I send, they charge me £11, so I guess it isn't the end of the world that I sent one and then changed it. But I would like to handle it more calmly next time. Note to self - always just post on the forum and receive replies before I start actually doing anything like contacting L.
On a positive note, it's a non-working day for me and I'm having lunch out with my daft friend who is very light hearted. Then tonight, I'm going on a ghost tour, followed by drinks out with my social group. Tomorrow I'm at the book store.
Take care all and thanks for the feedback xx
Last edited by Sotto; 10/15/1506:56 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Morning Sotto Maybe the 48 hr rule might help when H contacts again It's only human to react but as we know reaction is not always measured or well thought out.
Ghost tour !!!! How many ghosts are included in the tour and anyone we might know ?
You must live is the most exciting place in the world , there seems to be more to do there than at Disney World
Sotto, sorry your having a rough time lately and spinning. It's been a while since I've checked in on your threads. The name there me off and I've been stuck in my own head for a while also Ghost tours eh, you really need to write a GAL book at this point. They always amaze me.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Hi Sotto. You haven't posted since your feeling down post and I hope the ghost tour didn't take an unexpected twist !!! When you have time you might drop an update to reassure us that all is ok.
Hi RD, well actually I'm online just as you're posting! I survived the ghost tour without mishap and also had a nice lunch with my friend. I've been at the bookstore again today and we had record takings!! I made a minor conquest. Smiled at a customer and said how are you doing today. He said - wow, I'm doing great after such a lovely smile from you & that's really set me up for the day getting such a nice smile from a lovely young lady....
I'm back on an even keel again thank you. I do find it hard to hear from H now. We are so seldom in touch I find it stressful when he contacts me. But I learn more each time and will get better at this. He didn't come back to me after I responded to him. I did wonder whether to ask if there is any problem supplying these accounts, but I think I'll just leave him to it and see what if anything gets produced.
If and when we D, I don't plan to be in contact with him at all. I'll keep in touch with SS for sure, but it won't work for me to be in contact with H if he is off building a new life with someone else. For sure, that is a big benefit of not having kids together. If we don't R, I never have to see him again & I'm glad about that.
I'm in tonight and a friend has lent me Far from the Madding Crowd on DVD, so it's a proper girly night in with a period drama. Hope you are having a good weekend xox
Last edited by Sotto; 10/17/1505:24 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sooto. Smiling at a stranger is perfect. And a great response That's how it done. Glad your back on an even keel. H and accounts will sort themselves out
(and over £50k if the D were contested.) Eyewatering I know!
Ghost tours eh, you really need to write a GAL book at this point. They always amaze me.