I'm so tempted to google his EA, but I know that won't make me feel better.
When someone feels relief from ending their relationship, is it even possible to get them back? I know I'll come out a stronger and better person, but no less heartbroken.
When someone feels relief from ending their relationship, is it even possible to get them back? I know I'll come out a stronger and better person, but no less heartbroken.
It's a feeling, and feelings change. How do you feel as you are eating an entire chocolate cake? How do you feel after having eaten an entire chocolate cake? Feelings change with time.
The only thing that wont change is that he will not want to come back to the exact same marriage that you had before. For it to be different, YOU have to be different.
And I am excited to be different. I'm already changing, he even commented on that. But he sees it as a sign that him and I weren't good together, we didn't bring out the best in each other. I feel that we could and we both agree that had we met five years ago, we would have been great together. That's what kills me, it's not that we're incompatible. We were just young and naive. Especially me.
But he sees it as a sign that him and I weren't good together, we didn't bring out the best in each other.
Yep....pretty typical. My W said the same thing when she left - "I knew that this would be good for both of us!" Look, the WAS is going to use anything and everything to justify that their leaving is a good decision. Thats why listening to their words is not really going to help you.
Those statements "I knew we would be better off separated" is nothing more than your H justifying his actions to D and continue the EA, I might even guess that divorcing you is the obstacle to the PA if it has not gone that far yet... Either for him or the OW. This is normal, they are pursuing happiness that is drug induced at the moment, and typically its us The LBS who are perceived as the problem
What you do now, is what you've been advised to do, list some specific goals, do some GALs ... Pick something out of your comfort zone, try something new.... Let your H go for now as you work on yourself and become stronger... You can do these things and still honor your M. Trust me you will be better off for this growth in the long run
You're both so right. Thank you. It's very helpful and comforting knowing that I'm not alone. I am working on growing. My therapist and ex are both commenting on it. And I certainly feel a lot better. Right now at least.
I know it feels like the most important questions are how you should handle H right now, and in the coming months, but in the long run, how you treat him now, unless you are a complete monster, will not make a huge difference. The most important thing you can do now is worry about how you can make yourself better.
It feels like walking into the doctor because you broke your leg and him telling you to change your hairstyle, but trust these people. The best chance you have at reaching your goal of fixing your M is to work solely on yourself.
Treat him with kindness, like you would do for any friend. Do not stress about what H is doing now. You have free time to be selfish and look at you. Take it as a gift.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Gmum, It took me 6 months to really get it, but at the moment you really need to focus on you. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not an easy road but I'm further down the road than you and I promise you it gets better!
Take each day as it comes, and see what has been positive (even if it's the smallest event, such as hearing your favourite song). You have to start little to see big changes at the end of your journey!
Thank you, Mona and Rouky. My therapist said the same thing. I can't and should not worry about stuff I cannot change. Who cares if he's off in lala land with the EA. None of my concern right now.
Sometimes knowing I likely have years to go before I'm fully healed, is quite discouraging. And I'm so worried about money. My future is going to be VERY different than what I thought.
