In the UK - need help (pt12)

[ATPeace]

Huddy

I can feel your concern

I am thinking of you
Ghost

[Huddy]

Thanks Ghost. 90 minutes and I'll be home. Wonder what to do?

[NDY]

Be like Clint. It's here now. No hiding. If this were me my first concern would be where are the kids going to live. That has to be agreed and remember you W doesn't get to decide in isolation. The law is very clear on this. Both you and her have a responsibility to make sure the other parent has 'reasonable access'. You need to retain a lawyer asap IMO. Painter may be a good person to reach for here.

[Huddy]

Got home. Can you believe she's made tea to celebrate the fact we don't have to show anybody else around. As she has no housing alternatives in Scotland she has decided to move to her parents, 230 miles away. I asked her if this is what she really wanted and she said it was.

I told her I couldn't forgive her for taking my children away and that I hated her. OK, my emotion took over here, I was wrong - very wrong for shouting, but I'm dying here. I asked what my 'crime' was that she wanted to break our marriage up and she said 'we just go around in circles. I told you at the start I just don't find you physically attractive anymore'.

NDY, I reminded her that in Scotland I have a right to determine where my children live and that I have automatic 50/50 rights over access. She said her L told her as we are in the same country (the UK) she could take the kids where she wanted. Sadly, I'm skint, so can't get a lawyer, so don't know where to turn.

I'm desperately trying to keep a good, confident approach here, but fear I am going to slip soon. I don't know what else to do. Maybe I shouldn't have told her I hate her, but, I will if she takes my kids away.

Melting here. So upset. Want to cry, but don't want her to know that.

[NDY]

Huddy, mate. Sorry about that.

First, just breath. Calm down a bit.

So your WAS's L is technically correct in as much as she is isn't leaving the country. But that's still not what is meant by reasonable access. That's something else altogether.

Second, hang the money. Get a loan, use your half of the equity from the hose, borrow from friends but GET A LAWYER. It's the only way you have any chance of stopping her in her tracks. Look, you need an interim agreement before you can conclude the missives so you have no choice here. You need to retain a lawyer who's on your side. Your W's lawyer is on her side, remember?

Seriously, you should have read the first lawyers letter I got. It was laughable. But that's because I spent my time reading up on divorce law so my lawyer and I already knew how to respond. Seriously mate she doesn't hold all the cards.

[Sotto]

Huddy, I'm sorry to hear this. I do think you need some good advice on the options here. Is it okay for your W to do this? Can it be challenged? It is a long way and of course that impacts on your future R with your kids. I understand what you are saying, but if your W has a L, I think you need to see one too. As a minimum, might you benefit from a free half hour consult that most L's offer.

Or failing that, might the citizens advice bureau be able to help? It sounds clear that your W perceives herself to be 'done' just now. That could change in time of course and it's your decision as to whether you choose to stand further for your M once the house is sold. But for now, it doesn't sound as though having discussions like you describe above is going to help - though I can understand as your emotions are running high.

So, maybe try and focus on two things - firstly, getting some good advice on the legalities of what your W hopes to do - and secondly, not making things any worse with your W just now.

So sorry to read of your news and do take care my friend (((Huddy)))

[Fogg]

Huddy ,just wanted to stop by and offer support for you today. Hope things turn around and you can stay near your kids. Good luck.

[NDY]

Sotto, here in Scotland the answer is yes, it can be challenged and it's time Huddy's wife begins to realise it. He needs a lawyer.

[Huddy]

I thought I was beyond the emotion stage, but hey, it comes back up and $hits right on your face.

I've just bathed my S. I can't look at him without wanting to burst in to tears. I'm typing this now with them welling up.

I'm trying not to say anything to W, but I just couldn't stop when I came in. It's like I said a few weeks back, she won't turn, she's too stubborn. I could understand if she was having an affair or something, but she isn't. So, it seems like a full on MLC. My W has told me for the past 11 years she never wants to go back to our old home city, and here she is, running off to it.

It doesn't seem like she is feeling any kind of loss either. It just seems fruitless.

I did try a lawyer a few months ago and the costs are astronomical, I just don't think I could even raise a loan to pay for one. Will investigate tomorrow. Seem to be back at stage 1.

[NDY]

Huddy. I wish I could give you me personal contact somehow but I can't. First, hang the money. It's only money. I know that stage of the process but getting a Lnis a necessity. Second, Austin Lafferty have a very good article on divorce law here in Scotland. Try finding that. The strength you will find is in what's best for you and your children. They didn't ask for this and don't deserve to be moved like that. This my friend is your bottom. We all have one and I had mine a couple of months ago, remember?

Don't investigate, DO. You must do this. You have options and you need to start exploring them. Your W doesn't feel any loss because she's getting exactly what she wants.

Time to fight back.