wife STILL in the tunnel..more fog.

[Irish M]

Hi Delboy
Read some of your posts, on that caught my eye was

Quote ---I’m a bit different to most, I would like to know about your wife’s past life and the atmosphere that she grew up in.To me, family of origin counts for a lot in MLC cases. Would you mind sharing this information?


Well in my W's past and family
Her mom had a similar MLC causing her dad to have a major depression.
Sister had one as well but was caught by staff at the hospital she worked and was treated and therapy guided her around it.
Her cousin me W's age is major bipolar
Me W's aunt on her mothers side is MLC , had a MLC baby and her daughter is raising him.

My W 10 years ago had a mini MLC. Same script only . Lasted a couple of weeks, left me , neglected the D's. Came back and i brushed it under the carpet thinking it was baby blues.
She still to this day doesn't recall it .

My W doesn't have any friends from her youth, Andy friends from the 6 jobs she's had during our time together.
At our wedding she had 15 guests mostly family. I had 120

So I think now I look at it.... This was coming no doubt about it

How long it will last , no clue, she's running fast.

[Irish M]

Hi AJ

Always making me think twice . Thanks :-)
With MLC I think we need to think 3-5 times before doing anything

Yes , definitely I want to see my daughters reunite with their mom.
W knows I tried.

She only recently has reached out to them. I think I know why.

I got a message yesterday for the child support W transfered me via email.
The password was my new puppies name

The only person she still has contact with is the kennel I keep my other dog.
I was there Sunday and introduced the puppy. She also asked about W.
She knew the story except wife said that I was too controlling and it wAs I that wanted seperate....what ever.
She mentioned that W said she missed the dog.
I asked her if she mentioned anything about the girls.
She said no , not at all. I replied that she hasn't spoken to them in 2 months.
Not even an email.
She didn't believe me, said my W wouldnt do such a thing.

That night the D's get an email from W. Maybe a coincidence but ....

I stopped telling W to message or call them about 3 weeks Ago
She stopped and even said she will not contact them at all until they respect her and reach out to her.

So I figure the woman at the kennel mentioned this to W so she reached out, also only person other than my D's who knew my new puppy's name

But I still agree , long term plan to get her and the kids together.
Public place, lunch to start.

She did move out of town because she lost her apartment .
So the D's staying at her place is a not going to happen. Especially with her pot use and OM who W's family met and recommend me keep the kids away from him at all cost.

[kml]

She knew the story except wife said that I was too controlling and it wAs I that wanted seperate....what ever

hahahaha - typical WAS speak. You were too controlling because you wouldn't let her have her affairs and continue at home like nothing was happening, it was your idea to separate because you weren't willing to have her continue to carry on her affair under your nose and pretend it wasn't happening.

They really don't want to own up to the fact that THEY are the ones who blew up the marriage.

My ex and I had a friend that we had been close to since grad school days. He probably spent equal amounts of time with me and with my ex, so it's not like he was only my ex-husband's friend. When my ex walked out, this guy cut off all contact with me, and the couple of times I have seen him, he looks at me like I'VE done something wrong. I can't help but wonder what lies my ex told to make himself look like the victim instead of the cheating lying selfish self-centered POS that he became. (Oops, did I just let that out???).

Honestly, I understand that divorces are uncomfortable for friends and they often choose to keep one person or another. But I'm seriously disappointed in this guy that he appears to be buying whatever BS my ex was feeding him - this guy knew me for over 20 years. I'd cried on his shoulder when my husband's previous affair came to light.

I guess my point is - you'll come to understand the quality of your friends - or the lack thereof - by how willing they are to buy the wife's BS. Any friends you lose in this process - well, it's probably for the best.

(BTW - I moved 45 minutes away and have a large circle of new friends that I enjoy better than the "couple friends" we had in our marriage anyway.)

[AJM]

Additionally, them telling their "story" is how they cope. It's human, so I wouldn't put much effort into worrying about it. Another data point. For most of the friends, they either buy into the story or they are discarded by the MLCr. Some can deal and others will not. Is what it is.

I will say I was surprised by those that bought into it and those that didn't. For example, her parents didn't really buy into it, but they did have to choose a side, so to speak. It is their daughter after all. They chose to stay as neutral as they could, likely because they didn't buy it all, likely knew about the behavior, and likely because they didn't want to lose contact with the grandkids. Can't say as I blame them. They were put in a tough position they didn't ask for. The BIL is same. Other family members and friends were very angry with her. They've gone out of their way to tell me, which honestly isn't very helpful. To hear their pain is awkward. I even ran into an old "new" friend she made that was upset they are no longer friends, as if that isn't weird

Especially with her pot use and OM who W's family met and recommend me keep the kids away from him at all cost.

That raises a flag. Not the pot use, the family saying to keep the kids away. What's that about?


AJ

[uRworthy]

Hey Irish. Do what you need to do to protect your kids.

Just wanted to mention something. I know that there is a strong need to want to set the record straight with people. The truth is that people will believe what they want to believe no matter what they are told.

Speaking to others, especially her family, makes it difficult later on if a reconciliation happens. Asking the woman in the kennel if your w said anything about the kids probably isn't the way to go, ya know?

It would be in your best interest to just live your life in the manner of whatever moral code you choose to be important. That is what speaks volumes.

[Irish M]

Just got back from a visit with FIL

W said he wouldn't see the D's about a month ago and was very upset.
They wanted to see them so I thought it best that I bring them over.

FIL had much to talk about. He knows W is in a depression or something.
He is very upset with her and didn't like the guy she was with. He is around 50
Divorced and got into extreme sport 2 years ago about . Very high on himself and only talked about him. Gave FIL some pot since he is fight cancer.
FIL girlfriend said he is no where close to being me.
Bad teeth all rotten.
Aggressive and controlling. I sense MLC

So I guess MLC found MLC

FIL said he want a to confront W and really give it to her.
SIL told him that W has to go through this alone. Anything anyone says won't change a thing

I can't tell anyone what or what not to do. It can't come from me.

SIL also want to talk to W . Shake her up

If W has her D's telling her she's not welcome in their lives, SIL and FIL both confront her... Me NC

I can't see that being good. It's not rock bottom either.

How can all this happen in less then 3 months

[Irish M]

Hi AJ

Yes W's family isn't too impressed with the OM
They don't trust him. He Wouldn't let W 2seconds out of his sight

The pot use is new to W. They don't approve either but they know that OM is the influence


W has even started to smoke cigarettes again. She quit over 10 years back and was disgusted by smokers ... Until now I guess.

Such a downward slide of what W was.

[AJM]

How can all this happen in less then 3 months

It didn't. It's been a lifetime in the making.

You've had a lot of input over the past few days. Might I suggest you unplug and step back for a bit? That's a lot to take in, no matter who you are.

AJ

[job]

Irish,
AJ is right...it's been a lifetime in the making. It didn't happen in 3 months, her personality and behaviors gradually began 18-24 months ago. The changes were so gradual that you and your daughters probably didn't know them or chucked them off to being tired, stressed, etc.

I do agree that you now need to step back and recharge your battery. You've had a lot of info come your way and now you need time to digest it and come to realize that it's all about her and what she needs to heal herself.

Try to keep the focus on you and your daughters. They need you now more than ever.

[uRworthy]

Sweetie, this was a crisis that was destined to happen. Nothing could have stopped it...nothing.

I know it is so hard to get your mind around. That's because you aren't broken. It is really sad to see someone you love on a downward spiral.

But the only hope for her getting through this, is for those who care to allow her to walk it. She has to get to the other side in her own time and in her own way.

You cant fix this, no matter how badly you want to, Irish.

Let her go. THis is her journey...you walk yours.