I completely understand what you are saying and to an extent you are correct. But these are all things that I know are coming. I needed to set a few boundaries and I also needed to do this to start trying to drop the rope. I have been in a place of hoping things don't progress even though I know they are. Making myself speak them out to her put a reality to things.
You are right though. I think I am doing this to see what happens. I guess what is the worst? She moves forward with everything I have been afraid of? I can't keep living the way we are though. It is too hard everyday on myself.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I feel conflicted about the entire thing. I feel strange doing these things for my own well being. Living the way I have is not healthy and not sure how I have so long. But expressing that we need to move on hurts so bad because I would work on this relationship in a heartbeat.
Time to go pray for her and strength.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Just n update for today. Feeling strange. I feel like I got things out to her that needed to be said. I also feel a little anxiety about everything. I am acting like a happy person around her. She seems a little different. She is being very nice.
I can't really mind read what is going on in her head. I guess we will wait and see. I am going to ramp up my activities in the next few days.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Not a whole lot for today. I just feel i ned to get some of my emotions and feelings out here. I know i needed to stand up for myself as i did for my own well being. I am questioning that I may have gone too far. It feels wrong when for so long i would do anything to make W happy. I am still trying to look at her and her actions lately and see why i still believe i would want to be with her. If i stand outside and look in i would be telling me to be gone. It isnt so easy though. I think about the kids and I also think about what the bible tells me to do. It is to stand and be kind and lover her unconditionally. this is the part that is messing with me. I am telling myself that i am only doing these things because i am standing for my marriage and i am doing the right thing to try and save it. then i think back and say I cant save this, it has to be her or god.
confusing times.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
this is the part that is messing with me. I am telling myself that i am only doing these things because i am standing for my marriage and i am doing the right thing to try and save it. then i think back and say I cant save this, it has to be her or god.
Here's how I think about this. Pretend you're playing blackjack and got dealt a 16 with the dealer showing a 7. You've bet your life savings on the hand. Now what do you do?
If you hit you win on average 30% of the time and lose 70%.
If you stand you will on average win 26% and lose 74%.
So you might as well hit right? You're likely going to lose either way, but you do what gives you the best chance of winning.
This isn't the BEST example, because I don't think this situation is a win/loss proposition. But my point is that you do what gets you closer to your goals. Even with long odds, all we can do is what gives is the best chance for the good outcome.
make sense. I guess the hit is the best option also because i am in charge of taking the step and not just sitting on the sidelines hoping for the best.
I have to say i really admire everyone here that gives the advice and takes time for each other. When we are in such hard times for ourselves we can still think of others. If anyone is questioning themselves here please know you are all good people and we all deserve to be happy and receive great things in life, and we will!
thank you
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
make sense. I guess the hit is the best option also because i am in charge of taking the step and not just sitting on the sidelines hoping for the best.
Be careful with this attitude. A lot of times, any action you take is going to take you further from your goal and the best bet is to make the choice to do nothing. What if you got dealt a 20? You wouldnt hit then, right?
You do what takes you closer to your goals, even if it is doing nothing. Doing something just to "do something" is often not productive.
OK, so let me ask you a question because i feel very confused at times like this. I at first thought you didnt think i should have spoke to my wife, then i felt you thought i should have with the gambling analogy, now i feel the opposite again!!
I know you are trying to give me both sides and some things need to be thought through but just trying to clarify.
Also i plan on not bringing any of it up again to her, but just wanted to set a few boundaries. I am just worried i am pushing her into something she may have been rethinking.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
