RD, thanks for the visit! Well, I did receive a nice reply from H in the end. It's funny how he starts with a formal update - no warmth at all. Then I respond helpfully and then his reply is back to using 'his' name for me and saying how kind that is and how much he appreciates it and with a little joke thrown in too. It's like he expects us to be cold & formal, but then my response disarms him and he comes back in a much more friendly way. No mention of D update.
I replied to my L yesterday. Most £ queries I have been pretty flexible on and am letting pass. But there's one big area we are querying. H has 'interests' in a number of businesses. He called then 'shell' companies and said there isn't anything there. My L is concerned that no accounts have been submitted for these as required, so we have asked for them. I imagine he won't be thrilled about that, but there we are. I didn't feel I could let that one pass as he hasn't supplied the required info.
For me, I have been thinking some more about how long it has been now. H checked out of our M in Dec '13 and decided to start 'dating.' Almost two years ago now, though BD wasn't until six months later. I guess I'm starting to think I may be approaching the time where I truly do move on. In part I feel I don't even want to have the dificult job of rebuilding after infidelity if that even became an option. I wonder if it is worth it. I know people do, but am I that person? I would quite like to go for a drink with this attractive guy from work who seems interested in me. I would like to have enough money to cover my living costs now.
Equally, I love H and think I would still want to try if he showed any interest in doing so. I guess I'm a little divided just now. I can truly see that, given the times things take, many LBS's get to a point where they have moved on. It is such a shame, and I know I needn't do that, but I'm just not sure quite what I want anymore and whether I want to R with H at all. Perhaps we all go through this?
Other than that, looking forward to a nice day with my family - cooking lunch for them as my sister is down to celebrate my Dad's birthday. It's a lovely sunny morning here. Have a good day all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
H has 'interests' in a number of businesses. He called then 'shell' companies and said there isn't anything there.
Ummm....to me, when I hear "shell companies", I figure something illegal is going on, or at least some kind of tax evasion. You might need a forensic accountant to make sure your interests are looked after, if you suspect he is hiding money.
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I can truly see that, given the times things take, many LBS's get to a point where they have moved on. It is such a shame, and I know I needn't do that, but I'm just not sure quite what I want anymore and whether I want to R with H at all. Perhaps we all go through this?
Sometimes, after enough distance from the relationship occurs, our rose colored glasses fall off and we see the real person we were married to, not the person we THOUGHT we were married to. And sometimes that real person is not very appealing.
Thanks KML. I certainly hope there isn't anything untoward going on. But I guess time will tell. I'm not sure whether I will go as far a forensic accountant - although my L has suggested this as an option. But I thought it was important at least to get to the point where we had declared all financials and provided supporting evidence.
It's been a rough couple of days for me. My lovely cat, who was 21, became ill on Wednesday. She had been fine up to then - although very elderly. But she began having seizures and I was up with her on Thursday night, soothing her. We were back & forth to the vets, trying to stabilise her, but she kept on having the fits and was getting weaker and looking miserable. Yesterday afternoon, the vet and I decided it would be best to put her to sleep. I stayed with her for her last moments, and in truth I felt relieved for her and for myself. It felt like the right decision. The whole thing was a brutal experience though and I feel wrung out and emotional this morning.
I have cancelled a couple of things this weekend, and am just going to have a gentle time. I'll drop in on my parents and potter about. Let myself grieve for her. In truth, I was lucky to have her with me for 21 years, and lucky she stayed in reasonable health right until the last couple of days of her life. I'm glad that I was able to be there for her and feel I made the right decision in her interests and from a place of love. I guess I'm still a bit raw and traumatised at the moment, but in time that will settle.
Thanks for reading and have a good weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi sotto, I am so sad to read your post. Wow, 21 is a great age.
I am glad you are taking time out to grieve for your loss, she was a big part of your life. Our furry friends in life are wonderful gifts, they give us unconditional love and companionship and in return we love and cherish them dearly.
Sotto, I am very sorry to read that you had to put your beloved cat to sleep. She lived a long and happy life w/you and you gave her the best gift of all by not allowing her to suffer. I went through this last month w/my cat and I do understand how you feel. Take the time to remember all of the wonderful times you had w/her and know that she's still there in your heart.
Sotto, you made the right decision for your fur baby.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks so much for your good wishes. I really appreciate it.
Yesterday I started out feeling pretty rotten. Exhausted and frayed nerves, tearful. But I decided to renovate some furniture in my parents garage and it calmed me down. By the end of the day I felt much better.
I am finding that I still expect to see Puss. Just for a moment, then I catch myself that she's not there and I get a stab of pain. But other than that the distress and trauma is passing.
I truly appreciate you checking in and offering your support to me my friends xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So sorry for your loss. Kitty has seen you thru lots of life phases. Be kind to yourself.
What furniture project are you working on?
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
