Over and out

[NDY]

old thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2594018&page=1

Not much to say at the moment apart from a big thanks to all stopping by here. I have a meeting with WW on Sunday to discuss my talk with S10 and how we move things forward.

[roist]

Best of luck going forward.

[NDY]

Thanks roiste. I'll post further when I find out more at the weekend. Tonight S10 and I are going for dinner and a movie. Should be fun.

[Vanilla]

Just offering a big hug

V

[NDY]

Thanks V

So the STBX and I had a discussion. No more messing about. The house is going on the market and we are going our separate ways.

I did ask about the pregnancy being planned. She still can't bring herself to tell me the truth, and to her there aren't any issues to worry about (yea yea, I know and I didn't point any out to her, still keeping the DB principles going).

So that's about it really. Nothing more to add. She's in love with this other guy and they are making a family together. I have to let go of the carcass of my old life and build a new one for me and S10.

Peace

[roist]

Good luck. Take care of yourself and your boy.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

[oops- posted this on old thread - brought it here myself][

I said that even with the OM, the baby and all the other changes that are going to happen that both his mum and I's feelings towards him haven't changed, and we will still be there for him, no matter what.

Sorry to hear about the pregnancy. Poor baby has a tough road ahead of it. Adoption is the best alternative for these illegitimate babies but I doubt she'll see that. They never do.

As for what I quoted above...try to not speak for your wife or STBXW. Your STBXW has demonstrated clearly that people are disposable. Her and OM could break up and she could take off to "find herself" in India for all you know. You really can't promise your son that "her feelings for him haven't changed" or that "she'll always be there for him" because the evidence already says otherwise. Her "happiness" is paramount to you and, frankly, him. She is the master of her universe and you and your son are just players. Avoid the natural instinct to speak for her or apologize for her. She's going to continue to be a wayward for some time to come. Waywards are not nice people and should be avoided at all costs.

Instead tell him YOU will always love him, be there for him AND speak the truth to him. Let him ask anything he wants whenever he wants. His instincts probably told him OM was an interloper but you need to confirm that. He's not a "cool guy" and the fact your son thinks that scares me. Child molesters target women with young children and they groom the children. Your son is in a substantially riskier situation than he ever would have been had you two stayed married. Be diligent and keep the lines of communication open. Tell him NO SECRETS WITH OM....as that's a big favorite of molesters....grooming kids to keep secrets with them and threatening to hurt people (like you or his mom) if he ever tells.

Finally, with regards to dating. Your son already has one parent modeling horrific relationship behavior. You are a grown man and can do whatever you please. I UNDERSTAND if you really want to date but I'd say you are very ill-advised to do so until you healed some time from this relationship. First...you have an opportunity to model respectable marital behavior and tell your son....I'm still married....you don't date when you are married and I won't date anyone until I am officially divorced. Second...you are a hurt puppy dog and unhealthy women find hurt puppy dogs irresistible. Only a unhealthy woman would date a guy still married. It's a very shallow worthless dating pool that date still married men even if they are going through a divorce and their wife is pregnant living with an OM. Your story makes you pitiful so some girls will fall for it but the great solid respectable girls wouldn't come within a mile of you.

Hope this helps. Take care. This is an example of why I prefer to DB more aggressively versus passively standing and waiting. But you are more than an example. You are real person and I'm so sorry I was unable to help you save your family.

[NDY]

Hi GB

Thanks once again for taking the time to stop by. Just so you know yes, when you post on my thread it does help immensely. You are of course correct, I need to stop speaking on behalf of the STBX.

I did have a very good conversation with S10 last night. He opened up in a way he's never done so before and it made me feel better that he trusted me enough with what's going on with him. I was impressed at how mature he is in his handling of the situation. That conversation is between he and I and I've reassured him it will stay that way.

So yea, no secretes with the OM. I'm not sure if he has any at the moment but then again he may well have. After last night I firmly believe that I've made an inroad with him were he can trust me fully to tell me anything he feels the need to.

Once again, thanks

[Vanilla]

And hugs even big boys love hugs.

And rough and tumble guy stuff, including exploration in the big outdoors, cars, climbing hills, camping eating burnt sausages and cold beans.

Spiders and worms, snaps and snails, lads and their dads.

Quality time

V

[NDY]

Hi Guys

Though I'd drop in for a quick update for you. Situation is that the STBX and I's interactions are at a minimum. We only converse about the selling of the house and S10. She does seem to offer more information on her attempts to rent (telling me where she's looking, her frustrations at not securing the tenancy etc) but I don't offer any advice nor explain away the difficulties of the rental market here (for those that don't know my older sitch I work in that market and back at BD I attempted to rent in my area and it was a spectacular failure, further I decided not to rent because I found this place and moved back home).

On the other hand in my sitch I'm super siced. House went on the market yesterday (yes, at the correct price) and it's already getting a lot of interested. First person to see it is coming back for a second viewing and another interested party is coming next week. This is very good news for me. I'm also organising a new place for me and S10 and he's into the idea as well. The area I'm looking at is close to friends and has a fairy vibrant social life. All the things STBX was frustrated with (yea yea I know believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do).

So things are looking up for me. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll be in my own place and settled into my new life.

I must say I couldn't have got here without you guys. So my M is dead. Ok but I'm ok with it all now. Peaceful.

Peace