Wow, didn't realize it was that long. For me, nothing really that new to report. I'm feeling fine and have definitely found my groove. Thinking about the sitch makes me feel sad, but it's not consuming at all. More of that feeling you have when you hear a sad story, not like I've lived through it. I can tell my next step is to work on forgiveness, not for the pain she's inflicted on me; but more of destroying f our family. I look back and the struggles she was dealing with internally never manifested itself in front of me or the kids. So while I struggle to understand, the kids see what seemed to be a happy relationship crumble in front of them. I'm sure they will struggle with that for a long time. I guess I learned what marriage was seeing my parents go through struggles, arguments and compromise as well as all of the good things. Hopefully my kids will be able to learn that somehow.
As far as dating, it's going well. It seems very balanced as we both see that we have our own sitches to deal with, but are there to support each other. It's very much a take it slow type of thing as we both realize that the dating priority is lower down on the list with ourselves, kids, work and generally life all requiring a lot of our focus. In saying that, the time together is very nice and comfortable, friendly and relaxing.
With WW, I'm taking a new approach of just trying to interact (via email) as I would a babysitter. Sharing information about the kids, and their plans only. We haven't verbally spoke since the tax fiasco back in April on her own accord. I usually say I'm willing to discuss kids things in person at the end of of emails, but it's apparent she probably thinks this level of interaction is just fine. I don't know what is going on with OM, nor do I really care right now. I do know from the kids that WW takes the kids over to play with OM, his GF and their son. It infuriates me, but what can I do. It's sad to see her give everything up to be someone's second choice. I can't control that though, hopefully she figures out how to learn and thrive from the sitch.
Last edited by MCS; 07/20/1511:27 PM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Got a call from my L yesterday, WW L requested from them my financial information. Looks like the process has started. WW can actually file on August 13th (one year separated.) as much as this reopens the wound, I know that the Wife I want back was gone sometime ago. The person she has become is not someone that I could re-establish a relationship with. I would have been there for her if she had left me in on her struggles. I believe she knew that and didn't want to nor does she want to get help even now. Little I hear, she's miserable and complains and generally not happy. I hope she figures out what she wants and what makes her happy. She'll have to look inside first.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
That seems like a healthy position for you to be in and good for moving forward with your life. you just need to keep setting a good example to your kids
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Well, it took a couple of days, but read through your whole sitch from start to finish, all the way from the first post. Sort of like a marathon TV watching session. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed to hear that your WW still seems so lost. I started reading your story because it is similar to mine, and of course I was hoping for a fairy tale ending. But I realize that not every M works out in the end. The good news is that you seem to be doing great, and have become a fantastic father for those two kids. I'm working on that aspect of my life as well. I hope that things continue to improve for you and your family, and will be watching for updates.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Thanks for the updates, MCS, Your section about the general sadness resonates with me, although I might be a little less distant from it than you are. I think one factor is that my dating situation is different from yours. It sounds like you have found a partner, if not for life, at least enough to invest in a little at the moment. This sounds more like the place of a girlfriend, something that can partly fill the space occupied by your WW in the past.
I hope that you're also doing good at work. I seem to recall a time when it was difficult to keep your focus and productivity. as for WW, what can we do? It seems to me like the distance that you put between her and your emotions is healthy. Time will do the rest, hopefully.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Ugh, I'm sorry about your sitch. (As you probably read) I was very much in the same place as you. I never thought I would be able to find a light at the end of the the tunnel. While I'm not sure if "normalcy" will ever be the same for at least the short term, I also see that I'm not defined by my marriage, which was a big step. I still hope that she can find what makes her happy and grows from this whole messy and sad situation. However, things for you will get better regardless of the outcome. You've found the right place on the inter web to be and this forum has been a godsend and a blessing for so many months. Be kind to yourself.
Also, looking back through my sitch, do you see where it turned for me? I think I know, but would be interested in seeing if I conveyed it on the boards.
Laatly, I never understood when people still had hope when the sitches seem to go the way of mine. However, living for the day; the future, regardless of whether she gets out of this or not doesn't seem nearly as scary.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
I may not have explained it all, but it was definitely during the tax issue. I tried EVERYTHING possible after she changed her mind to try and get her to file together like we originally planned. She chose not to, lost money and then told me I was trying to pull one over. She was yelling and screaming at me in front of D4 and I asked if I was, why did I try 7 different times to say it was a better idea to file together. She just stared at me with absolutely no response.
At that very moment, I realized that no matter what she was going to blame me; even if I was trying to do the right thing. The last little bit of blaming myself for what happened melted away and I realized right there this was not the person I married. She was totally self absorbed and selfish. She turned off her entire life, all of her closest friends she stopped interacting with, helping me realize that the issues were not mine, but hers and hers to address or ignore. Nothing I could do can convince her to do that.
I just knew right there that "I" didn't know this person anymore. I was just talking to one of her former close friends and she said she just wanted at some point the "caring, kind, compassionate WW" to find her way back. That the person she has become is so sad. I wholeheartedly agree.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
