V is for Vanilla 22

[PigPen]

Eh, I'm so sorry to hear that your H hasn't gone away and left you alone V. He truly must be addicted to whatever control he feels he gains by being difficult with you.

Please know I'm thinking of you for whatever it's worth, I truly hope that XH finds a way to appease his addictions in a manner that is far removed from you.

Big hug to you,

PP

[Vanilla]

Thanks PP, there has to be action to makes stbxWH go away.

I need him gone, spoke to L today, more action need by V, more work, more work and yet more work.

I felt so tired today I went to bed mid afternoon and slept for three hours. It's all a little much and I have a really horrid metallic taste in my mouth.

Does it never end?

V

[SunnyB]

V, I haven't been checking the boards that frequently so I'm not totally up on your sich...but I do hope that STBX finds something more productive to do than harass our V. I am in the middle of the legal process myself, and it's no fun. Hugs to you my friend. (((V)))

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia Time for Vanillia to let L take over and protect you. This is so draining because it feels like there is no end in sight There is , this will end and Vanillia will continue with her life.

You are more than strong enough to deal with this and even though it might not always feel like it , the strength is there. You could have accepted Hs abuse but you didn't

Take all the rest you need and deal with each day as it comes. Do t dwell on the problems down the road because they may never arrive and even if they do , they will be dealt with

Take care lovely lady. We are all here for you. Rd. xxxx

[asitis]

Thanks PP, there has to be action to makes stbxWH go away.

I need him gone, spoke to L today, more action need by V, more work, more work and yet more work.

I felt so tired today I went to bed mid afternoon and slept for three hours. It's all a little much and I have a really horrid metallic taste in my mouth.

Does it never end?

V

Being overly tired is a normal response to the triggering your XH caused. Still, must stuck that he can trigger that kind of chemical reaction that leads to a need to recover.

It does end, but there always are chances for random encounters or even triggers from other people's behaviors. He will find a new target eventually. You will continue to work on your trauma and continue to get more resilient, and triggers will impact you less and less.

I'm glad you are letting the L take point. You've got good protective instincts V. It is a strength that you can rely on and feel good about. It also helps some times when you are having how much longer kinds of thoughts to look back and see how far you have come. It puts that all in perspective, and helps you see the continued progress and hope in the future.

All that said, I'm really sorry XH doesn't get that sticking his head in the toilet and flushing repeatedly would be a more societally-beneficial use of his time and energy.

[WhyUs]

V. You are so strong and an inspiration to so many on this board. You are a Beautiful person, and I dont say that lightly. The only other person in the word I say that about is my d7. I say it because she is selfless and pure. She stands for what is right in the world. She also stands up for herself even when it hurts. She gives comfort when others need it. I see this in you V. In the end you will get through this and be whole again. Remember to love yourself for who you are!

I want to tell you a story. One of the things you wrote me picked me up at a time when I was very low. No one, none of my friends or family had the words to do this. I read your post to my mother, who by the way is your age:). We then cried together on the phone. She told me that she was so thankful for you and wished she was able to convey to me what you did. You eased her heart at a time when she desperately wanted to comfort her son and did not have the tools.

V, your strenth, wisdom, and kindness does not only touch the lives on this board. You have the strength to touch countless lives. I know you have the strength to heal yourself. No your power and use it with confidence and determination. Your are an incredible person!

Big hugs for (((((V)))))

[Vanilla]

Sunny thank you for caring, D is hard work. Good luck for today.

RD some days I wake ok and other days very tired and exhausted.

Thank you Asitis, I feel so sad most days, the work ahead is a mountain.

Today is ok, one day at a time.

V

[Vanilla]

V. You are so strong and an inspiration to so many on this board. You are a Beautiful person, and I dont say that lightly. The only other person in the word I say that about is my d7. I say it because she is selfless and pure. She stands for what is right in the world. She also stands up for herself even when it hurts. She gives comfort when others need it. I see this in you V. In the end you will get through this and be whole again. Remember to love yourself for who you are!

I want to tell you a story. One of the things you wrote me picked me up at a time when I was very low. No one, none of my friends or family had the words to do this. I read your post to my mother, who by the way is your age:). We then cried together on the phone. She told me that she was so thankful for you and wished she was able to convey to me what you did. You eased her heart at a time when she desperately wanted to comfort her son and did not have the tools.

V, your strenth, wisdom, and kindness does not only touch the lives on this board. You have the strength to touch countless lives. I know you have the strength to heal yourself. No your power and use it with confidence and determination. Your are an incredible person!

Big hugs for (((((V)))))

Thank you WhyUs, your post gave me great peace. I confess to being troubled at the moment.

Please tell your mum that her projecting her strength and love to her son, was channelled through the higher power and thus her desires and strength came through for our higher power share. That is how posting works when it comes from the heart.

I find the harder posts are from my head, they are more disconnected, more cerebral.

I enjoy very much hearing about D7 and I am delighted to be thought of as your beautiful D7.

I am pleased and proud to be part of your journey, you are a remarkable young man with a wonderful future to come in a new chapter, with or without your WW. There are so many wonderful fathers (and mothers) here on this site, posting of their troubled families, the journey to serenity is here in this DB process. WhyUs this is working for you, and you pay it forward.

V

[Dawn70]

Positive, sunny thoughts headed your way in hopes that you have a wonderful, relaxing, fun-filled weekend. Take care, Lady V!

[mustardseed]

Thank you for caring so much about my sitch. These are dark days for me, I am clear I am abused, and now I stand up to fight. It is confusing to me to know that the person I loved and married is not real. I was 'had' 'taken' and abused.

Just catching up on your sitch V. But I had to post when I read this. I know exactly how you feel. The one thing that makes my D less difficult is that we have nothing. Support is the biggest issue for him I know. I don't think he had a realistic idea about what having me removed from my home would cost him. He just thought he'd carry on and have no financial responsibility for my life or the kid's lives when they are with me. Sorry charlie. Marital money is still marital money even if we are living separately. I don't know what will happen after divorce, but I know that this separation period entitles me support.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you my support and say--I'm with you lovely V. You aren't alone. Just taking everything one day at a time and living in the moment because I don't know what else to do during this limbo--and it isn't all that bad as long as I stay focused on the now.