Thanks Bravo. I actually softened my approach and outlined the reasons why going makes sense, and W acquiesced. She looked upset about it. I feel like she continues to find things about me that she doesn't like: she does not like that I go out at night to GAL. Some of those outings are with my kids. Some are with friends. Some are for exercise or to synagogue. I think she complains that I am out too much. This was her complaint pre-BD as well. I Should really stop obsessing over what she thinks. Is there anything I could or should do differently?
On another note, i was cc'd on correspondence between W and L. She has a new email address and she is using her maiden name. Ouch. She has really checked out. It hurts. DETACH RAI, detach.
Thanks Bravo. I actually softened my approach and outlined the reasons why going makes sense, and W acquiesced.
RAI, this is good. When my kids are sassy, I tell them they can say the same thing and still get their point across in a different way. Nicer words, different tone of voice. Sometimes that's the key.
All is well, V. Thanks for asking and checking up on me.
Originally Posted By: PigPen
Heck, it's probably good for you to not walk around with all of that anger inside of you. Now you know that it won't make you feel better and have the option of making a different choice next time. Live and learn, that's what this is all about.
Originally Posted By: Azzork
You know what? All it was was words. You said them, theyre out there for a bit, and then they are gone into the night. Learn from it and move forward.
Azzork and PP, You are right. The fight was 2 weeks ago and, with the benefit of hindsight, I don't regret it anymore. I think I had been harboring a lot of anger. I still have a lot, but I have been keeping my composure. If anything, WW is more angry lately - more on that later.
Originally Posted By: Raliced
I do think it's ok to let them see some of your pain and anger. You can't shield them from everything in life and I decided my my initial stiff upper lip may have caused my daughters to think I didn't really care. I think it was better for them once I started to show that, yes, I have felt hurt. I think it helped validate their own hurt feelings.
Ral, this is a real eye-opener for me. I used to think that if I revealed my hurt I would be revealing too much of my sitch to my kids. But, as usual, you are right. It is ok for my kids to see me hurting sometimes. I also don't think it has diminished their love for their M.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
I really want you to put your children first.
V, you wouldn't recognize me. I am being much more civil these days. I talk to my W about kid-related stuff. I don't know if it will stick, because I don't know what caused the transformation, but so far, so good.
A brief update: All my disclosure paperwork is in. The ball is in Ws court. I met with a child psychologist and she seems really nice. My W is supposed to meet with the child psychologist now, but has not yet made an appt. Again the ball is in her court. I am training for the 1/2 marathon. Jewish High Holidays are coming up.
I have started to receive anonymous malicious texts. Not sure why. Not sure what to do about them.
I am thankful for... my children and their health my health my super supportive family my supportive friends my good looks my sexy car (although I will have to sell it for the D) my DB friends my job
I think she complains that I am out too much. This was her complaint pre-BD as well. I Should really stop obsessing over what she thinks. Is there anything I could or should do differently?
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
And was her observation pre BD accurate?
Is there a 180 in this?
V,
I think that in the last year pre-BD (only) I was out a lot - from 9-10 PM. That said, I was also the driving force behind a weekly date night. Unfortunately, we had trouble committing to it. She did not like the fact that she always had to arrange babysitting. She also had difficulty separating from our then-S1. I probably was not committed enough to date night either. The other thing is that I tend to come home from work late - around 7 PM. This is not uncommon for doctors, but I probably could have been better about it. In truth, I am not out that much in the evenings anymore - although W would say otherwise to vilify me. If I had to guess, I also come home about 30 minutes earlier, on average. Perhaps it is not early enough. It bothers me that she makes dinner for the kids so early and that I only get to eat dinner with them on weekends.
I suppose there is a 180 somewhere in all of this. If I were to do this 180, it would have to be for me and the kids (as all 180s should be). It's just impractical. I work at a lot of off-sights, some of them are hours from my home. Although, they tailor my schedule to allow for commute time, I am just not that fast a physician. I take a long time to see patients. And if I leave my paperwork for another time, it takes twice as long to complete - because I have forgotten things.
How is the marathon training coming? I'm applying to med school. Any advice for the future?
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
