The alimony scares me as well. I want to remain in the same house for the children. She couldn't afford in my sitch but I will be making every attempt. I have been planning for worst case and been told by attorney friends it will not be that bad. Keep your head up
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I'm feeling hopeless today. I'm fine but the more I detach the more I realize that the chances my w will come around are slim at best. She has been in Atlanta all weekend with a friend. I'm here with the kids. We had great weekend. I haven't spoke with w all weekend and she hasn't called. She sent a message through my D12 for me to get some stuff for our S10. She couldn't even call me for that.
I've been following the rules perfectly for a few weeks now. I know things take time but I also know that our R will never be healed if I give up. Honestly I'm not sure what the difference between giving up and Dbing is. It seems that the whole idea is to let go and gal. Am I wrong about this?
It's so confusing. I know the rule but when she says she wants D it sounds like she has made up her mind. Do feelings really change? I know in some cases they do but in my sitch she sounds like she really wants out. Of course we haven't had any R talks in a while but she is still very cold and there has been no sign that she is rethinking things.
I haven't posted in a few days. I just wanted to give an update.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I'm feeling hopeless today. I'm fine but the more I detach the more I realize that the chances my w will come around are slim at best. She has been in Atlanta all weekend with a friend. I'm here with the kids. We had great weekend. I haven't spoke with w all weekend and she hasn't called. She sent a message through my D12 for me to get some stuff for our S10. She couldn't even call me for that.
maybe I'm confused. What does detachment have to do with this? But yes, the chances were already slim - maybe it's more that you are starting to see that? On the plus side, you had a great weekend!
Originally Posted By: tkdmme
I've been following the rules perfectly for a few weeks now. I know things take time but I also know that our R will never be healed if I give up. Honestly I'm not sure what the difference between giving up and Dbing is. It seems that the whole idea is to let go and gal. Am I wrong about this?
This sounds like you're being impatient! Your R can't be healed unless BOTH of you are interested in healing. If you were a doctor, you can bandage something, but if the patient removes the bandages and sticks a knife into the wound, there's not much you can do. So, yes, you have to give up on the M right now. That doesn't mean that you close the door on the possibility of R later though.
Originally Posted By: tkdmme
It's so confusing. I know the rule but when she says she wants D it sounds like she has made up her mind. Do feelings really change? I know in some cases they do but in my sitch she sounds like she really wants out. Of course we haven't had any R talks in a while but she is still very cold and there has been no sign that she is rethinking things.
I haven't posted in a few days. I just wanted to give an update.
When you got married, do you think se thought "ITs too bad we are going to be divorced in XXX years." Of course not. The problem is that you are too focused on the day to day. The changes can be so imperceptibly small that you don't notice them. Or she may not be communicating them. Or you could just be focusing on the negatives. Or who knows what! That's why we all say to focus on you and GAL. Then you don't spend your life driving yourself crazy looking for these changes.
I really struggle with trying to move on and have no expectations and still DB, especially in LRT mode. I don't contact H proactively but then over-analyzie each encounter. Some days I wish my heart could truly move on.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
I am very impatient. this is something I need to work on.
So the W came home from Atlanta last night around 7pm. Nothing was said except for the "what's up". this is basically what I get every time we see each other. I can tell something is bothering her. Im trying not to mind read but I hope the decision to D is whats bothering her. The kids have been very clingy to me and I think this upsets her. Especially our S7. He is always trying to get us together and trying to make us hold hands and things like that. Of course she thinks that im putting him up to it.
Anyway, overall a good weekend. I am getting better at DB and I feeling better also. i don't know what tomorrow brings and i am ok with that.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I know I ask the same questions over and over. Is it normal for the w to basically clam up and get even colder when I am detaching? Even before I started DB we would at least have some conversation. It seems now that these are very few and short conversations now. I'm not talking about R or M talks. Just every day stuff.
It worries me that we are growing farther apart. She is just really quite and looks like a ghost. She don't put on make up or fix her hair. I know you all will say I'm putting too much focus on her. The truth is I love her and I am worried about her.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
By detaching I mean that I'm not starting conversations, I'm not asking where she is or what she is doing, I haven't called or texted her in weeks. Basically I'm doing my own thing. Staying out of the house when feasible. I haven't spoke with her much at all. And like the rules, when she does say something to me I am short and to the point. I just feel kind of selfish.
If I have missed something about detach, what is it? I know it does seem so but I'm not focused on her every move. And I don't expect anything from her. I take care of the kids and help them with homework. I have reconnected with tons of friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I have booked a piano job every week through october.
I just worry about her and her health. She looks unhealthy.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
By detaching I mean that I'm not starting conversations, I'm not asking where she is or what she is doing, I haven't called or texted her in weeks. Basically I'm doing my own thing. Staying out of the house when feasible. I haven't spoke with her much at all. And like the rules, when she does say something to me I am short and to the point. I just feel kind of selfish.
So, this is not pursuing. Which is good. But it isn't detaching. I'd recommend reading the detachment thread again.
Originally Posted By: tkdmme
If I have missed something about detach, what is it? I know it does seem so but I'm not focused on her every move. And I don't expect anything from her. I take care of the kids and help them with homework. I have reconnected with tons of friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I have booked a piano job every week through october.
I just worry about her and her health. She looks unhealthy.
Detaching is about your emotions. It's about separating your emotions from the ups and downs that she's going through.
It's ok to worry about her. Just don't try to FIX her problems. Validate her feelings.
