I spent a big part of the weekend doing handyman work around the house. There were two closets in the house with doors that didn't slide any more. STBX had told me they were just old and not fixable, (which I just accepted) but I had the time to take them apart and figured out that they only need new rollers, which after some trial and error I was able to successfully install.
I feel worn down. I'm taking the girls to Disneyland next weekend (I splurged and got us annual passes for the year) and I find I am clinging to the anticipation of a happy family getaway like a life preserver.
Nothing cures all ills like travel and fun. Especially fun with little girls who think you're a rock star! It IS a life preserver, and I think there is nothing wrong with casting it when you need one.
Have a wonderful time next week!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
OW does in fact seem to be gone. So there's that.....
Basically we seem to be in the midst of establishing some sort of new normal with him in his bachelor pad and the divorce finally coming to a close.
There was a pretty major hiccup last night though. On Wednesdays he has the girls, and we also have D7's soccer practice at 5:30 (I coach). Usually he brings both girls and tries to watch a little of the practice and keep D4 occupied - and sometimes he leaves a little early because D4 is bored and I drop off D7 at his place on my way home. I always arrive to practice right at 5:30 because I come directly from work. Yesterday he texted me early in the afternoon to ask up front if I could just drive D7 to his place after practice. Sure. No problem.
I arrived at practice to find D7 sobbing. Her dad had dropped her off early (she claims half an hour but that is probably an exaggeration) there was no one there from our team and she felt she was all alone. There were some other teams around practicing but no one she knew and she had clearly been crying for some time when I got there.
It took a long time but I got her calmed down, but not before she had told all the other players on our team (once they arrived) that her dad had just left her there.
When I dropped her at her Dad's I discovered that he had some other kids over there playing on some sort of playdate, I asked to speak to him outside and informed him of what happened and what D7 had told me.
His response was "Oops. My bad. I thought you were already there". There were only about a dozen cars in the parking lot and he certainly knows what mine looks like and so I'm finding that explanation a little thin but I didn't say that. I just conveyed how upsetting it had been to D7 (D7 asked me to talk to him).
I spend so much time reassuring D7 and trying to make her feel secure and now this.
Honestly = I'm sort of flummoxed by this. It seems like a pretty basic safety issue, right? My asst coach said "I thought your ex was a cop?"
I think she's way too young - but I'm thinking of getting her a phone for emergencies.
Geez. I am so sorry she and you had to go through that. I wish I had some good advice! Maybe clarify that a handoff needs to be in person-- if she is not left in your care, she must be handed off to a trusted adult.. not just left at a drop off location! But I'm not much help because I don't know how to say something so obvious without being obnoxious. I'd be livid if I were you.
Raliced, when I have a parenting issue, I try to think of what I would have done if we had still been happily M (well, perhaps I was the only one happy, but you know what I mean). And I think you did that, you brought it up to him, and he heard you. He might have been defensive at the time, tried to brush it off, but there's no way he didn't understand your point. And I doubt he'll do it again. I probably wouldn't get the phone unless it happens again, give him a chance to fix it himself before you send your D7 the message that daddy isn't trustworthy.
But I do feel your frustration at having to clean up his mess.
Mozza, I read it as D4 being home with dad at the playdate.
And Sunny you are correct. He had D4 over for the playdate (although the girl there appeared to be D7's age).
I thought I was even toned with STBX about the whole thing but he was FROSTY when I picked up D4 yesterday. Whatever - I'm not going to get stressed about his reactions when I have behaved reasonably.
Sunny - I already ordered the phone. Not only because of this situation, but also because she and her dad like to text each other on the weekends when he is working and tend to monopolize my phone at inconvenient moments. Also - when her grandma was visiting last month - there was some confusion about when she was supposed to get picked up from the bus - so a phone would have been helpful there too. You make a good point about it potentially sending the message that her dad isn't trustworthy - so I may wait a little bit to actually give it to her (it's going to be presented as my phone that she is allowed to use). Frankly, her schedule is so busy and there is so much potential for confusion and misunderstanding, it would make me feel better to know she has a way to contact me.
Just wanted to say hello and let you know I'm reading through your story again. I see some familiar refrains. I love this statement:
"Whatever - I'm not going to get stressed about his reactions when I have behaved reasonably."
This is what my XW does as well - overreaction or hostility as the result of me acting in a way she doesn't like. Doesn't matter what I did or didn't do - she still calls me names. Reconditioning myself to let it fly into the wind is hard.
This summer I had my children for the longest period since the D - three weeks - and when they had to leave I got the first migraine I've ever had in my life. Don't know why I'm telling you this - maybe just to commiserate on how much what is happening to our children affects us.
A 7 YO should not be left alone. Most divorce papers require a responsible adult designated by either parent be the one to receive physical custody (if the parent is unavailable). Leaving a child along for 5 minutes is too long. You should document this, tell your XH that you are doing so (or don't - YMMV), and then tell your attorney as well.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
