Hi, Job I'm still a little bit of a newcomer and trying to figure where I belong. I don't want to hijack this thread. Just wondering if you might read my thread, flailing, on newcomers forum and give me your opinion if I should find a way to bring it here to MLC?
I'm not sure how to do that yet, but will figure it out. Also, what about the MLC in someone who had an ideal childhood?
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
I've responded to your question about MLC in someone who had an ideal childhood over on your thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hope that is the case with my WAW, but her situation is a little different. Her parents still coddle her. She wants to be on her own, but never has. She has been with them a year now and has put me through hell emotionally and financially. She says she is going to get her own place, but I am not sure she will leave her parents, as they want her there with them. It is one of the main reasons we had troubles in our 17 year marriage (their interference). Unfortunately, she has issues that were caused by them, but she doesn't see it. Instead she blames me. Not sure if hers is a MLC because she is classic PAPD even though she won't admit it and her parents are enablers to her behavior. She and her parents blame everyone (especially me) for everything. This is the third time she has left me, but this time she actually filed.
Clay, No, you didn't hijack this thread. It is for all to post to. As for your wife, she wasn't afforded the opportunity to grow up, become independent and be her own woman. Her parents are still coddling her. She has some issues to resolve w/them because they've stunted her emotional growth and it doesn't necessarily mean she had a bad childhood, but they've smothered her.
Of course, she's going to blame you. You are part of the package, i.e., marriage/relationship, that she's not happy w/right now. It has to be you that is creating all of the unhappiness in her life...but guess what...it's all about her and resolving her issues w/her family. Blood is thicker than water and they will believe anything she tells them.
Let her go! She needs to figure things out and the only way to do so is to just let her go. Take care of yourself and this includes your finances. Get her off your accounts and your credit cards as soon as possible. She's not your friend right now and, in fact, she's fired you as her husband. Keep the focus on you for now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job. I Know everyone tells me to focus on myself and detach, but I have had the hardest time doing that. I think about her every day and besides being ADHD myself, am quite distracted by losing her.
Yes. Unfortunately, they have always believed everything she does and have blamed me for things they have never seen.
I am realizing though that I have some issues of my own to work out, but the difficult part is getting her back. Since she has gone and told her entire extended family how horrible I have been, I am afraid pride and pleasing her parents will keep her from returning, unless she actually does grow.
I have 2 D's that are teens, that W decided to give up 100%
had no friends and I'm the cause of it all.
She got a flat tire one day and of course it was me
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
This is so helpful, I see so much of my H in that post.
One thing that stands out in my situation, which I read someone bring up, is the jealousy of my relationship with my son. The more loving and nurturing I am with him, the angrier H gets. It is also the one single thing he blows up at me about consistently. My nurturing and loving nature with my son, my talking through issues with him instead of straight to punishment, infuriates my husband. It is perceived by him as coddling and spoiling. The sad part is, he joins forces with his mom and they gang up on me.
The more time that goes by, the more I believe this all has something to do with his mother during childhood. I truly fear he will never face whatever it is, but I hope for his own sake he does to find some peace within himself.
This post was really helpful and I will continue to re-read it. Thank you Job!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I hope that is the case with my WAW, but her situation is a little different. Her parents still coddle her. She wants to be on her own, but never has. She has been with them a year now and has put me through hell emotionally and financially. She says she is going to get her own place, but I am not sure she will leave her parents, as they want her there with them. It is one of the main reasons we had troubles in our 17 year marriage (their interference). Unfortunately, she has issues that were caused by them, but she doesn't see it. Instead she blames me. Not sure if hers is a MLC because she is classic PAPD even though she won't admit it and her parents are enablers to her behavior. She and her parents blame everyone (especially me) for everything. This is the third time she has left me, but this time she actually filed.
It seems like we have similar situations. My husbands mom has always been the biggest problem. I am blamed for everything from him. His mom blames everyone for anything too.
