Wow - that coach is wrong on SO many levels, I don't even know where to start! Does she have to continue with this for a scholarship or something? If not, I'd encourage her to tell him off! And I'd complain to someone higher up!
It really *does* stink, and is wrong on every level. She may not have performed well (which is true, as she has never played well in the fishbowl of a coloseum type setting), but neither did her teammates. They won and lost as a team.
She's on an academic scholarship, so that's not the problem. What IS the problem is if she speaks up, she's guaranteed a spot on the bench for the rest of the season. She's in line to break a few records this season, and feels though she just needs to svck it up. Others who have gone before her have shown her that speaking up is not an advisable plan - right now.
At the end of the season? All bets are off. And yes, she will probably say something to the AD too. She showed me and the 2 other moms proof that he was applying for a D1 job in MN this past summer (obviously didn't get the job) - so he probably doesn't care. But the AD is a really nice guy, very supportive and is very close to the president of the university, who is also supportive. My D21 isn't the kind of person not to allow herself an exit interview. Honestly, I was more than a little shocked that she found that proof (on the internet) and realizes she has some sort of leverage here. Ha ha - I didn't teach her the art of that, but I'm proud of her instincts to research.
She and the 2 others shared much more information that is disturbing. I really hate the politics of stuff. But I admire these 2 21-year olds and 1 20-year old in their wise position on things. It's been a teaching moment, and all 3 of them realize fully that learning this is a transferable skill to the work environment.
Aren't you glad we're old enough to not give a crap what others think about us? BUT we give a crap about what others think and say about our kids. I think the mama bear instinct is just as strong now as it was when they were younger. Only now I try to find some way to share with her that these learning experiences are valuable off the court. It's the only way any of it makes sense.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I mentioned last week that I was feeling weird about my 25th wedding anniversary next week. I had decided what I was going to do about it when opportunity knocked this morning in a call from Mr. Wonderful. He was giving me his overnight status for D18 and mentioned that he is heading to El Segundo next week on business so that I have D18 in his absence (which is not going to make her happy). He comes back the night of the 16th. There was a really quiet moment - neither one of us saying anything.
I said, "Thanks for letting me know. I was going to make a really, really weird request of you, which is now off the table." He answered, "Really? Weird how?" "Tuesday is our 25th wedding anniversary, which I know we haven't celebrated for 10 years now. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to dinner, with D18, of course."
He surprised me by saying, "I'd have loved to go to dinner. I guess I didn't realize it was 25, but of course I remembered the day. Wanna fly to LA? I'll take you out to dinner."
I laughed and said, "With as much flying as I'm doing and will continue to do for the next few months, I think I'll stay home. Maybe we can do dinner some other time."
I'm pretty sure my bizarre request didn't catch him by surprise. My dear uncle (who was married to the aunt who passed away in April) passed away Sunday morning. He was close to both of them, as well as my cousin, and we've all been reeling from the sheer number of immediate family members we've lost in the past year. For both of us, it started with Dennis, then began in earnest with my brother last November and just kept progressing. We've all decided to make a more concerted effort to be kind to each other and to make the moments matter.
BA, he's eligible for burial with full honors at Arlington. They told my cousin that the date is 12 weeks out, and that they won't do burials when the temps are 32 and below, so that we would probably be looking at spring of 2016. Another trip home, and this one I'll make. Scotch then too! I come from a very large extended scotch drinking family. Mr. Wonderful indicated he would try to fly home with us as well.
Back to Lionel Richie, who is crooning Brick House to me right now.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Wow. Bets. That's really really crappy. But she sure is handling this like an adult. There is no "I" in team and she cannot be faulted for the whole team. She's such an excellent star player and that unfair pressure is just wrong and incredibly negative.
Your relationship with Mr. Wonderful is great. I'm glad it's at a point you both can still recognize and and honor the time you shared and the daughters you share.
I'm working on a better accepting R with ex and h. I did even invite H to D(almost) 8's birthday breakfast, but #1 ex won't make it, and #2, D8 said she prefers her birthday time with me and her dad to just be with me and her dad. I'm trying.......
I hope I can catch you too when you come this way. I'd love to finally get to catch a volleyball game. And some we must have some drinks!
Bets, just 'cuz we divorced doesn't mean we wish our marriage never happened. What came from it? The most precious parts of our life...our kids! How do you regret that? It's worth celebrating if both parties want to from time to time. Sure, sh!t happens...marriages fall apart and die but, if we're lucky, we raise our kids together as best we can and still share loving memories along side the not so loving ones...but hey, that's life. It sounds like he was quite OK with your reminder.
Thanks, guys. I appreciate the wisdom and kindness in your words. I know it's strange - even to my friends - but you're right. That day existed, and it was an important day that ultimately created a family. A family we both wanted and still love. As Mr. Wonderful reminds our girls, we may be a family that lives apart, but we're still family. Ok, I'm getting a little teary. These deaths are making me a little emotional lately. Life is precious.
Yah, he was more than okay with my reminder. If D18 and I weren't going to be frequent fliers for the next 3 months, I might have considered hopping a flight to LA in the middle of the week. LOL. But flying isn't fun anymore. No, it actually svcks.
Ginger, D21's team isn't playing in the NYC area this year. For the past 3 years, they've played in the NC challenge around Halloween - first year was at NYU (the year I got stuck in a crappy hotel in Newark thanks to Sandy), the 2nd year it was in Rochester (and I didn't go - that was our year to fly to LA), last year was in Hoboken. This year it's at Nazareth, but they are flying to Atlanta instead (which D18 and I are going to attend, as it's over fall break, and much better competition).
D18 and I are flying to Albany the weekend of the 18th for a tournament up that way. That's the weekend Cadet and his lovely lady are joining us - and it would be awesome if you came up. I can always change my hotel to accommodate all 4 of us girls - and will be HAPPY to do it. Just let me know on the alt. They finish up around 4 pm on the 19th. I'd love to have you join us.
We're coming back to NY twice in October, but we are heading to her college town both times. We're not going to the tourney in Rochester at the beginning of October because I just don't feel like flying 4 weekends out of 5. I figure 3 is bad enough. We might be making a trip back in October if they punch their card to the NCAA tournament, and the championships are in Michigan this year. And that will conclude my career as a volleyball mom!
This weekend's tournament is in the middle of nowhere, PA. I'm not joking. It's not near *anything*. The nearest point of interest is Penn State, and that's an hour away. I'm looking forward to rooming with my college friends and having my folks close by. D21 will be really happy to have her own personal cheering section. She needs it.
Call, text or write if you and D8 want a girls weekend!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey, I'm always in awe of your ability to ask for what you need. My 25th was earlier this year, after we had been S four months. I got 25 red roses and we shared a bottle of wine and a goodnight kiss. I'm hoping that we'll be legally D before the next one rolls around, somehow I feel like that will be less awkward.
I'm pretty sure my bizarre request didn't catch him by surprise. My dear uncle (who was married to the aunt who passed away in April) passed away Sunday morning. He was close to both of them, as well as my cousin, and we've all been reeling from the sheer number of immediate family members we've lost in the past year. For both of us, it started with Dennis, then began in earnest with my brother last November and just kept progressing. We've all decided to make a more concerted effort to be kind to each other and to make the moments matter.
BA, he's eligible for burial with full honors at Arlington. They told my cousin that the date is 12 weeks out, and that they won't do burials when the temps are 32 and below, so that we would probably be looking at spring of 2016. Another trip home, and this one I'll make. Scotch then too! I come from a very large extended scotch drinking family. Mr. Wonderful indicated he would try to fly home with us as well.
Back to Lionel Richie, who is crooning Brick House to me right now.
Hey Bets - I'm so sorry for the loss of your Uncle - you have experienced way to many deaths this year. :-( Arlington is where I want to be buried as well and I've let that be known to my oldest daughter who will be the executor of my will to make sure that happens - hopefully that is in the very, very distant future though.
As for anniversary's with the ex - I always remember mine, in fact this past March would have been our 20th. I think the good thing about time passing is that, for me at least, it removes the negativity and memories of the bad times and keeps the positive memories of the good times. At the same time, I'm so very thankful where I am at today and you couldn't pay me enough money to go back to the relationship I had with my ex. I consider her a friend and we have a lasting connection through our kids.
Hope to see you on one of your jaunts East over the next several months. Scotch is always on the menu here! :-)
BTW, they have weird requirements to be buried there. My other uncle who passed away in June fought in the pacific theatre in WWII (while Pearl was bombed) in the unit that preceded the Seals. But his eligibility came with some lengthy hoops, and my cousin decided to honor her dad's real wish anyway - to be buried at Quantico. When she first contacted Arlington, they told her to have a backup plan. I don't know why she really wanted to override her dad's wishes, but I guess that's a moot point. And I don't think I'm going to ask her! She's married to a Navy commander but decided that she was a real fan of the Marines when she finished planning her dad's funeral. Did you know that Navy won't allow a gun salute?
Also, Arlington is the only veterans cemetery run by the Army - all the rest of them are managed by the VA and they do a much better job with the coordination from start to end. I wish I didn't know this stuff.
Scotch it is. I could use one now. My client's installation is riddled with messes. The first one? Someone installed one of the 9 TVs upside down. WTF?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm sorry to hijack...but has anyone heard from Barb recently?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Honestly, I was more than a little shocked that she found that proof (on the internet) and realizes she has some sort of leverage here. Ha ha - I didn't teach her the art of that, but I'm proud of her instincts to research.
