Pot is not making him skinny and looking like death. Heavy pot users become unmotivated or spacey but it doesn't kill people and they don't lose weight. Without a doubt he must be using other drugs, alcohol or coke being most likely. Coke, amphetamines and heroin all cause weight loss. If he's living with a cokehead, that's likely the drug he's abusing.
I advise you to scale back your expenses or increase your salary so that you can survive without child support, as he might easily lose his job if he's that messed up. You can't count on his contribution.
Pot is definitely not making him skinny and dead looking. He must be using something else which is extremely sad and unfortunate. But no matter how much you beg and plead with him he has to want to get help for himself. It's the only way he will get clean.
I know you love him, but do your best to focus on you and D12 and not overwhelm yourself with his problems which are ones you just cannot fix
Oh my God. I KNOW pot alone is not killing him. I get it.
He has a disease called alcoholism. He has been at it for most of his 49 years. The disease has progressed like diseases do without tx. Pot is his drug of choice, but he uses everything when he smokes pot, especially booze. Throw in a heavy dose of depression and denial and you get a dead Matt.
I realize I'm going to have to let it go and move forward. But, I just saw the walking dead in a man I love with all my heart and I can't save him. My children have no father. My oldest daughter saw her father and thought he had cancer. My husband is killing himself and I have to divorce his a$$ and move on and save myself and, right or wrong, it hurts like fuucccing hell to leave someone who is obviously very sick.
I will get through it. But, I had to to say in a court of law I was cutting the cord even though he is clearly sick.
It hurts. And, it doesn't matter if it's the grass or the coke--which I'm sure is a factor... It's on me to provide and parent. I can't count on him. He is not there. The man I knew is dead because he is choosing to kill himself. And the family that still loves him has to walk away to save ourselves.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And my heart goes out to him because when he uses--he doesn't want the kids to see him. He has done them a huge favor by staying away. He always did that when he used heavily. Just went MIA.
He gave up his 12-year-old in court and thank God because she would have been haunted by his image.
There's a great doc on Netflix with Russell Brand about addiction.
I never stood a chance against his disease. It's consuming him. D21 texted me last night... "I feel so helpless."
We are. We just are. I'm supposed to go be happy and enjoy my life now. Knowing I left someone to die.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I'm sorry that you and your daughter had to see Matt in the condition that he was in. The one thing that your daughter needs to take away from this is that she now can see what alcohol and drug addiction can do to a person long term. She needs to really think about that since she's had some issues w/alcohol herself.
No one can save Matt, but himself. Things haven't been easy for him since he left his old life behind. He has had to face the fact that you are no longer there to be used as an excuse for his addictions. He now will need to try to find a way to help himself. He's lost everything and maybe now he will hit bottom.
I'm sorry he gave up the rights to his youngest daughter, but if he's in bad shape, it's the best and kindest thing he could do for her right now.
In time, things will settle down for you. No one knows for sure if he's dying. He could have had a few off weeks, just knowing that the court hearing was coming up. Time will tell as to where he's at w/his life.
All you can do is pray for him and hope that he seeks medical assistance and tries to get his life back on track before it's too late.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job. I guess in some ways I am glad Cal saw him in that state. I hate that the image is in her head, but glad at the same time. I'm hoping she knows enough now to keep her from walking that path. It's insidious.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yes, you have to focus on your life. Heather, you really did do the best you could in your marriage and you were and still are loyal to him. He knows that and you have to remember this...you did the best you could w/what you had to work with. Now, you have to accept that you didn't break him and you can't fix him. He has to do the hard, necessary work to get himself back on track.
Now, it's back to work tomorrow and hopefully things will settle down for you and your girls in time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
