One of the biggest things I've learned here is to stop worrying so much about the big picture. yes - I need to be prepared to survive if I leave my house or something. But I shouldn't worry about what I would feel IF she left, of IF we divorce or whatever. I barely know how I'll feel tomorrow, let alone in a few months!
So I worry about TODAY. What am I going to do for myself TODAY. How will I make today OK? Sometimes I may fail and have a down day...but then I worry about TOMORROW.
Do things for you to keep your PMA up. You'll cross those bridges later - and you'll be more prepared for them.
Maybe it has already been suggested, IDK. In your attempts to emotional/mentally detach from the idea of her being your W, have you thought about pretending she's a boarder staying in your home?
Seriously, how would you treat a little old lady who was renting a room in your house? Think about how differently you would treat that elderly lady from how you treat your W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thinking this and doing this are two completely different things
How do I loose the attraction
Our baby is only 22 months old it seems just so unfair on her as well that she will have two parents seporated and will be living in different houses eventually unable to cover each others backs
Team work is and has to be better
I am feeling better in myself have to keep it in the day to day moment and not think too far ahead
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Thinking this and doing this are two completely different things
How do I loose the attraction
Our baby is only 22 months old it seems just so unfair on her as well that she will have two parents seporated and will be living in different houses eventually unable to cover each others backs
Team work is and has to be better
I am feeling better in myself have to keep it in the day to day moment and not think too far ahead
Of COURSE it's unfair to the kids. Of COURSE it's not better.
But, in your wife's mind she is unhappy and you are the cause of it. Therefore, she believes that she needs to get away from you.
As we've said, chasing her will only push her away faster. Instead, you need to try to REATTRACT her.
I see your advice about reattracting the W. How do u do this when u r going through a divorce when financials and custody create such an adversarial environment? Sorry to hijack.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Thinking this and doing this are two completely different things
How do I loose the attraction
Our baby is only 22 months old it seems just so unfair on her as well that she will have two parents seporated and will be living in different houses eventually unable to cover each others backs
Team work is and has to be better
I am feeling better in myself have to keep it in the day to day moment and not think too far ahead
Of COURSE it's unfair to the kids. Of COURSE it's not better.
But, in your wife's mind she is unhappy and you are the cause of it. Therefore, she believes that she needs to get away from you.
As we've said, chasing her will only push her away faster. Instead, you need to try to REATTRACT her.
And how do you re attract whilst distancing yourself
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Ghost - I think you should go back and reread your threads. I feel like you're asking a lot of questions that have already been answered.
But, to answer, you ARENT distancing yourself. You aren't trying to add distance, you're just not pursuing....right? You can't control if SHE continues to add distance for now.
And I think I may have not spoken clearly. You aren't trying to attract HER exactly. You're trying to be ATTRACTIVE. Dress nicely, act confident, be a good father, and so on. You aren't trying to woo HER, you are trying to be the best YOU, which is attractive.
Ditto. You don't need to treat her with kid gloves, but just show her the attractive, confident guy she first met. It's not going to happen overnight, but just keep plugging on.
Being a good dad etc. is a really good start.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
