Py, we had a talk, told me I wasnt being honest but he isn't asking me because he doesn't care. I said I care about the truth and since I been home he been adding lies on lies and is hurtful when he isn't being open and honest.
Transpires that he has been with OW2 since March and he tells me he cares for her. And he knows it's wrong as she is married. Said I have no right to ask him any questions. I said yes, I did as we were still married then. H asked me whether I was still in contact with OM and I tell him he calls sometimes. H said I told him I deleted all his contacts, I said I have, I still don't have them.
Said I should just let go. I said I would not ask about OWs again. H said if I ask and interrogate him he will leave the house until I go. Said it wasn't a threat. Said tha he had right to be in his own house without being asked any questions and I said I had a right to be in my own house with honesty and respect.
The argument started this morning when I said I wasn't going to the shops with him and he gathered his iPad, iPhone and I asked him if it really necessary to take them to the supermarket.
SIGH!!! I just don't know anymore, we are do to have dinner tonight with DS girlfriend and H and I.
Why is SFTU so hard.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
BTW, I let him bring it up. I went out after the 'talk' and said I had things to get for my trip. When I returned H suggested a walk.
Returned from a walk, where everything was pleasant. Took my hand when we had to move very quickly from a herd of cows in the fields. I dropped it as soon as could.
Was chatty about general stuff. I think H is putting his head in the sand big time. I am colluding with him. What do I do now? Continue with my breezy self or let H know what a [censored] he is, which I really feel like doing. I don't know whether I can come back from this.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Sweetie I really dont blame you for feeling like that. I've said it more than once now Smoth, you are taking a hell of a beating for this guy!
[censored]. [censored]. for fucks sake. where do these WAS get off. trust, honesty. i'm almost mad enough to .....
Smothy, just be calm, relax, go and have a cigarette, do whatever. Just play by yourself. [censored] his game. like I do regularly with the kids 2 and 4, tantrums etc - just reboot. start afresh. no games. just leave civil in a few days. if you feel breezy - do that.
I honestly think he is peaking too - so ALL you see and hear - its not worth you entertaining Smothy.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
OK Smoth - I've calmed down a bit now. If i'm this anxious I can't imagine how hard it is for you. A more meters response:
As I said your H is also peaking as your departure draws closer.
The game is that he needs to be justified. And the way to do that is through you. Holding hands makes him feel better about what he is doing. Bringing up trust arguments allows him to be the victim in his mind when you bite back. No matter what you say, or whose right. Stop letting him use you to strengthen his position.
See my latest post on my thread - values -> feelings. Its crazy Smoth. You can't talk sense to a drunk or a crazy person.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Py, DS spends all his free time with his girlfriend. So not at an age where I can take him out etc. does not to spend time with me, which is fair enough considering his age etc.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
i can understand that. i was 18 once. actually my parents started with their 9 month D party when I was 19.
i'm glad that his is what you chose to respond to. Take care of yourself Smothy. 2.30AM here, work tomorrow, but watching another episode of RAKE. damned netflix.
Have a good day
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Went to dinner, did hair make up etc. H said I looked lovely and in fact 'gorgeous'. Got to the restaurant and waited for DS and girlfriend. H started apologising for the hurt and emotional turmoil he is causing me. I told him this was not the time and the place to discuss it. Continued, he was in a dark place after Christmas and feeling suicidal. I validated and agreed with how he felt as I felt the same. Said he had a lot of support to pull him through. I validated and told him again, this was not the place to talk and could we talk another time. DS and his girlfriend arrived.
H tried to hold my hand throughout the meal.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Forgot to say made a toast to 'us' just chinked my glass and drank my wine and did not respond.
Why is he doing this, I can't get my head around it. I just want this to end so I can go abroad and work with some peace, grace and dignity.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Time for a new thread. You have 109 postings/replies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
