In the UK - need help (pt10)

[Pyrite]

Just checking in. Still battling I see. Good luck mate. I'm perched for a ring side seat. Watch my W blow up and stand clear. It's never really over, but it sure looks that way. Be back when I can

[Huddy]

Morning all

When bathing the kids last night, I realised that we needed some more toilet rolls and milk. So, had my bath, got dressed and walked to the local shops (about 20 minutes each way - no way I'm asking to use the car). Bought what I needed and returned.

I didn't tell W I was going, so when I got back (she was looking for toilet rolls!)she was in a foul mood. She took the rolls off me and marched upstairs. I casually said 'I think the words we're looking for is Thank You' and she gave me such a dirty look. Upshot - she was as mad as hell that I'd gone out and not told her.

Fifteen minutes later and she's casually asking me what I'd like to watch on TV. Hmmm...

So, review of the week. I think I've made a ball$ up. I think I over reacted to her behaviour on her return from her parents and she went from crying to nasty in a few minutes. I took her recent mild manner and signs of recovery too enthusiastically and I think we have regressed by a few weeks. Need to get more confidence and detach. This I have started by not asking for lifts in car etc. and not buying her the things she has been taking for granted like paper etc.

Today, I am going to shave my beard off. I only grew it when we got together, because my W wanted me to. I don't think it's an act of defiance, more a case of if she really doesn't want me, it won't matter to her. It's also gone quite grey with the recent stress and strains of the current situation, so looks a bit naff, in my opinion!

[NDY]

Hi Mate

If you want to shave off your beard for you then go ahead. Shake it up a bit. It's your face.

As for the W's moods. Yea, I got similar nonsense when she was still at home. Spewing about everything because it's all my fault (one time she spewed about me getting washing tablets, even though we hadn't ran out) then 10 minutes later all watching TV together. Mental I tells ya. Anyway don't let her mood affect you. You're Clint, remember?

[Huddy]

Clint has shaved! Actually, it's taken about ten years off me. I think that's a 180. W hasn't reacted, but it takes her a couple of days to let her guts spill, but she is back in a foul mood, especially with the kids. I've deflected that as much as I can.

W has slumped into the setee (the one she couldn't care less about) and has nodded off. We're all off together for the next four days, so my aim is to get through the weekend without any kind of flare up, or, if she tries to bait me, not fight back.

[NDY]

Mate. If I have one bit of advice. Get out of there for a bit. Try to get away from her during this time off. If you're around her all the time she going to build up more and more resentment. Are you able to do that?

Congrats on the beard. Good show.

[Huddy]

Thanks NDY. I think W is at work tomorrow. You know what the weather is like here. I was planning on taking the kids to the park for a bit, but it's cold, even for jolly old Scotland. See how it picks up.

I did have a nightmare last night. In it, I was begging and pleading with W to stay. When I woke up, I had to convince myself that I hadn't actually done it!

Kind of reflective at the moment. W does look beautiful, but I have been thinking about the stuff she has said (mainly in odd chunks) that has been building up in her. Here they are:

1) She doesn't love/fancy/attracted to me anymore. OK, so I have lost three stone in weight and have not put any back on. Exercising every day - I look physically better. My confidence is coming back, so, as sandi2 says, this should be a stepping stone.

2) I spend too much time in the bath/reading/on computer. OK, I have now made it my policy to be out of the bath within 20 minutes. I go on computer whilst running bath and with kids. Reading is something I can't see a problem with.

3) We never talked/you never appreciated me. OK, WAS mind here, when I wanted to talk W was busy watching soaps or reading newspaper. As for appreciation, never a day went by when I didn't tell her how beautiful she looked and that I loved her. Don't know how to top that one.

4) We have no money and don't do anything exciting. OK, we have three children, I'm the only one in full time work and I do what I can. It's very difficult to 'do things' with a disabled child, but, again, I do whatever I can.

Feel I'm doing my best to address all the issues W has mentioned. If she goes, then I think I will be in a better place than 18 weeks ago and as of this time, she hasn't carried out any of her threats.

[NDY]

Mate. When I read that list I think nothing but pure script.
1 is just her disrespect. You could be Jason bloody Stratham and she would still feel the same.
2 is a symptom of something deeper. My WW and I stopped communicating but at the time I didn't realise she was involved with OM. Prior to him we talked all the time.
3 same as 2 IMO.
4 crikey. My WW and I used to go out, holidays etc but it started to dry up. Not because of money but just because of circumstances. A bit like you but that's not the point. It's really about them yearning for something that's missing in their lives.

As for doing something this weekend. Why not drive across to the safari park? It'll be a good day out for the kids and you don't need to get out of the car. I'm assuming the car belongs to both of you?

[Huddy]

Car is in W's name. W has made a point of saying that if I don't pay for car, post split, I can't use it. Bizarre. I'll see how weather fairs up.

Yes, I think she feels she's 'missing something', but I don't know what, and I don't think she does either. Throwing everything away to find that 'something' is a symptom of MLC. I notice communication with command central has all but dried up. I wonder what went off?

[NDY]

You shouldn't care at this point. That's for her to worry about.

They are all missing something and somehow we contributed to that. That's why we're sitting here spinning. No clue. But that's why we work on ourselves. We do this to save us. Not the M. Sure, we all agree it's sh!t but there you go.

I tell you this. Me being away from her in my own house seeing my S9 has been a blessing. No stress. I can walk tall. I've let the rope go. And it feels good.

[Huddy]

Feel I'd be OK on my own. Don't want to, but feeling OK if it goes down. Didn't feel like that when I first came here.