Thank you all so much for the advise, and constructive criticism. I do realize my own flaws, and want to be the best man I can be. I REALLY have had a soul searching change of heart about the way I am. The way I WANT to be.
As of right now she is MIA, and I have no idea where she is. Its almost midnight, and Im so very tempted to call her. Im sure it will do no good, and I am not gonna do it.
I hope she is safe. I hope she aint hurt. I cant help the way I love the crazy girl. I wish I could. if I could just stop caring so deeply for her. We were so In love when she was 80 pounds lighter, and I was young and full of dreams.
She finally came home around midnight. I know she was up to no good. I aint gonna keep standing for her cheating. Im gonna leave as soon as I can. It just hurts too much to have it be so blatant, and in my face.
I finally got a good 8 hours of sleep last night. First time in 3 weeks Ive slept like that. Ever since I first found out.
I woke up before her, and started my push ups. When she woke up she was being combative, and trying to tell me not to look at her. I just kept on with my exercise.
When she was ready for work she came up to me, and hugged me long and hard. I was soaking wet with sweat, and stinking, but she told me how sexy I was, and that she will never love another. I hugged her back, but the only thing that was going through my mind was .. "don't trust her,dont trust her. Half of what you see, and none of what she says".
As she went out the door for work she joked that she smelled like a stinky man. She was kinda being normal. All I could think about was the dating site, and how late she has been getting home.
I really am starting to wonder if she is on drugs or something.
God almighty this is hard. Ive been through a lot of hard things, but this is by far the hardest. THese last two weeks have dang near killed me.
When she had secret boyfriends in the past I always managed to find out exactly who they were, and confront them. they always got scared, and left her alone. This time is different though. I am in the dark about who, or even how many. I cant scare them away. I know Im not suppose to want to, but heck it worked before. She was even extremely turned on about how crazy, and scary I got to run them off.
That was when we were in our early 20s though. She blamed it on the fact that she just had a baby, and wasn't chemically balanced. She was remorseful back then. She has gotten so much sneakier. I hate this. Im having a rough spell right now. Im glad this forum exist. Otherwise I would go completely unheard. I would have no voice at all.
I know it's tough, but honestly, it doesn't matter who the OM is. You can see that now, right? You scare one away, another comes back. The only way to fix your relationship is to change yourself and change the dynamic between you and your wife.
I know it. I know its silly to just try to be a caveman about it. Its just my primal instincts. I know for sure that Its wrong. My whole life I been a fighter. I grew up rough. Always doing rough stuff. I have so many issues. God Im a mess.
Don't beat yourself up Mattdad, no one on here was doing all they could or should have in our M's.
You can start changing the story of your life today though. Make a list of the issues you can start to tackle and start using that fighting spirit to move yourself forward in a positive direction.
You rode bulls right? Use the same strength and determination you needed for that to take a step in the right direction and get this ball rolling.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
