This makes me so very happy to read. Caliguy you are the man!!!
Thank you Heavy
Originally Posted By: job
Cali, I'm very happy that things are progressing nicely. It's a new marriage and try to remember to not go back to your old ways. Keep expectations low and allow her to finish up her journey and catch up w/you.
Thank you job, your wisdom here has been epic. Funny you mention the New M ... as W and I have adopted that, and I have frequently asked her what a New Happy M looks like to her, just to allow discussions and conversation to avoid those pesky false expectations we had early when we were young. And like you said ... she is still working through things in her way, on her own time frame and I can easily give her that space as she does so .... there are some bumps with her, terrified I will leave, having learned to be patient here has helped ... and there are times I have to be firm. Regardless its more about being the rock even now, stability has been paramount as of late.
Originally Posted By: Toots
Cali, I really enjoy reading your thread. Particularly as you have been 'through it' for such a long time, faced D, come back from that to where you are now. Plus, your posts show such wisdom. I'm grateful to benefit from them.
Sounds like you are full steam ahead now for moving back in together, and I wish you the very best with this.
Toots xx
TY Toots ... yeah its been a long ... long process. But honestly one I needed, in order to learn what I have, become a better person than I ever was and now having a chance at a M where I have a voice, can find peace and happiness in. I do realize how fortunate I am in all this .... not so much for the M and the W waking ... but for going through such a difficult time in my life and emerging stronger than what I was going in, if there is a lesson in all this its that.
Hiya Luke. Nice update. Really happy about where you are at, my friend.
So, I was sitting here for a moment and I was torn. You and I agreed that we speak the truth always. I know at times that truth hit you between the eyes some. I am not sorry for that. LOL!
I've been here a long time. Way longer than my registration date. I have written how I do not post to many people. We all do this in our own way. My way is to stick with a few people as long as they want me rather than post to many for a short time. Both ways serve their purpose.
Not always, but, mostly I post to women ...although some of my best buds from here are men. But there was just something about you...
I was right in what I thought at the beginning. I saw that you would dig in. I saw that you weren't afraid of what you found out about you.
I'm saying all of this because I have grown to care a lot about you. And because I do, I want you to celebrate all that you have accomplished and the hard work you've done. I also want you to be careful at this part.
She is doing some work and that is amazing for all of you. Just want you to be aware that there may be some backslides on her part especially if you move back in.
I know it seemed like she was happy about you organizing stuff...but, go slow there, yea?
She still has a ways to go. Lots of stuff to sort through. She knows you are watching. Also, be careful with your son. He is watching closely, too.
I hope you took that ^^^ in the way it was intended..because I care a great deal.
Hey, Cali, what a development! Moving your stuff to W’s place! Nice! I’m so happy for you.
Thanks for sharing your story all the way. It is interesting to read what MLCers think and feel when they come out of the fog. I agree with others though… Go slow.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Remember that we MLCers look to LBS as our wingman....I think you're doing a good job of stepping up and being the leader in the house. Also sense that you are sensitive in allowing W to work through her stuff instead of doing things in the way you want to or expect to which ends up in antsy pantsy-land. I really like the new Cali 2.0!
Remember that we MLCers look to LBS as our wingman....
Wonka, I am curious... Does this apply to MLCers when they come out of the tunnel? Or, in general? I keep maintaining the business with my H and I do all the filing and reporting. He seems to be ok with that. Does it mean that he is actually looking at me as his wingman?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Remember that we MLCers look to LBS as our wingman....
Wonka, I am curious... Does this apply to MLCers when they come out of the tunnel? Or, in general? I keep maintaining the business with my H and I do all the filing and reporting. He seems to be ok with that. Does it mean that he is actually looking at me as his wingman?
Bright,
If you would recall in Raine's threads, her H looked to her as the wingman when he started coming out of the tunnel for good and having his feet firmly planted back in the M. I see the same parallels with Cali and Mrs. Cali. She's looking to Cali for leadership because, let's face it, we DBers are miles and miles ahead of inner self-work.
Your H isn't even close to being out of the tunnel. Nor is he looking to you as his wingman because, right now, he's not fully back into the M and wanting to work on it. He sees you as a business associate that he interacts with to get certain tasks completed.
Wonka, thanks. It does make sense. I should have known better to ask this silly question. I’ve been here for 2 ˝ years, but sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no knowledge of anything… It was just the wishful thinking, LOL.
Cali, sorry for a small high jack .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hiya Luke. Nice update. Really happy about where you are at, my friend.
So, I was sitting here for a moment and I was torn. You and I agreed that we speak the truth always. I know at times that truth hit you between the eyes some. I am not sorry for that. LOL!
I've been here a long time. Way longer than my registration date. I have written how I do not post to many people. We all do this in our own way. My way is to stick with a few people as long as they want me rather than post to many for a short time. Both ways serve their purpose.
Not always, but, mostly I post to women ...although some of my best buds from here are men. But there was just something about you...
I was right in what I thought at the beginning. I saw that you would dig in. I saw that you weren't afraid of what you found out about you.
You must realize at this point .. you are like an Oracle to me here. In many ways ... a rock, a lighthouse for me and many here ... a true gift and Godsend as I have said in the past .. I shudder to think where I would be without you and the support of others here.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
I'm saying all of this because I have grown to care a lot about you. And because I do, I want you to celebrate all that you have accomplished and the hard work you've done. I also want you to be careful at this part.
She is doing some work and that is amazing for all of you. Just want you to be aware that there may be some backslides on her part especially if you move back in.
I know it seemed like she was happy about you organizing stuff...but, go slow there, yea?
She still has a ways to go. Lots of stuff to sort through. She knows you are watching. Also, be careful with your son. He is watching closely, too.
I hope you took that ^^^ in the way it was intended..because I care a great deal.
Please know that I am over here rooting you on.
Completely agree and have been thinking about this quite a bit. Its a strange area, in a way I have to continue to DB, then other times seems she needs reassurance. The push pull dance is still in full effect, with an increase in temp-checks as she sorts things out. I have noticed that the tool box I was so proud to pull out an dfix things previously ... has been expanded and new tools added ... specialty tools, more like diagnostic meters, not actually fixing things, but able to see the issue or problem and perform a minor tweak here and there.
With out this site, the lessons I have learned, the tools I acquired ... I think the A would have ran its course regardless, and W may/may not have wanted to come back to the M ... however I would not have been able to last to this point without the tools I acquired here, let alone make sure that I... yes ME... not W, S , Billy-Bob or Jack ... I would be happy in this new M.
Truth is ... and I have not seen many discuss this in posts. The old M I was in .. even before BD was not all that good. Sure I wanted to save it, not for what it was but for the potential I always dreamed it COULD be. I held onto that idea but never did anything during the M to make it what I wanted, I took it for granted and thought it would just happen. Feels like an old car in the garage, sure with some work that baby could be a show piece, year after year without any effort nor work put into it it was just slowly rusting away ... was not till that car was gone did I realize the hole it left. That hole scared me... but after some time, realizing that it was actually a blessing in disguise I learned rather than chase that car down the street, I cleaned up the garage, made it into a better place that would allow me to work, be more efficient.
Wonka, thanks. It does make sense. I should have known better to ask this silly question. I’ve been here for 2 ˝ years, but sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no knowledge of anything… It was just the wishful thinking, LOL.
Cali, sorry for a small high jack .
Never apologize for a 'hi-jack' ... I do not believe in such things ... so much gold nuggets of information if a topic can be expresses, expanded for the better of anyone ... regardless of where ... I am all for it... always have been .
