LBS trying to get it right

[ATPeace]

So last night she went out with a friend to a party came in at I do not know what time well after 2 am. She is certainly moving on it just seems all this is happening so quickly .....when we were together she never stayed out late and now it seems every oppertunity ....[censored] she could let the dust settle just a little from finishing things to moving on

Ok,so,normally I would fire her 20 questions as to what whe did who she saw what time she came in ......I say nothing ....right ?

What if she brings it up do I say ...look I am really not interested in hearing about it as long as you had a good time that is what matters. ?

I know I cannot who any upset about this

[ATPeace]

Can I also ask and I am sure this has been asked before what are people's views on keeping my ring on she took hers off a while ago she was constantly washing her hands she works with babies and she said her finger was cracking under the ring from getting damp

I want to wear my ring but I am not sure if it is just to remind me what I have lost will it give her the message that I have given up on our marriage and I am moving on if I remove it

I hear from the last few posts that my current marriage has gone and I know I have to accept this

[Rouky]

If you want to wear your ring wear it. I took mine when I kicked H out as for me there was no trust, so it was my way to tell him that at the present time we were no longer married.

He took his two months later, and saying that it didn't hurt would be a lie but I guess it's his way to tell me it's over.

I would say that people wear/ don't wear ring for different reason. One of my fiend takes her ring every time we go out!

Don't worry about the ring, it's just a jewellery. Actions are what matters

[Ontheup]

Ghost

While you're in the same house it's nigh on impossible to fully detach....

[Ontheup]

As far as the ring , my wife removed hers while we lived together. It was just another action which confirmed her affair.
I kept mine on till I left 6 weeks later. More because it upset my daughter that my wife took hers off.

Now my ring means zero to me. It meant zero to her even though she continued to profess she missed it and loved it blah blah
I'll trade the gold in at some point.
Again it's entirely up to you but be under no illusion, wearing it don't mean sh1t to your wife. You need to get that in your head. She doesn't care. So if youre wearing it in hope she'll notice and suddenly coming running back....don't hold your breath. Me and lots of others have done the same with the same outcome.
Sorry to be so blunt.

[ATPeace]

Thank you for getting back to me the wearing of the ring is not so she notices it was more that I did not want to give her the impression that I felt the M was over well i realise that this M is over and she is not going to be coming back to it any time soon. I am still hoping that over time she will see and like my perminant changes enough that she may want to be with me in the future any way have decided to take off Ring

So I have a quesrion or 2 on GAL

As you may know we are living in the same house when it comes to going out and doing things obviously I have to think of my four children and being there for them....this was one of the things my wife said was the cause of her deciding to S was me not spending enough time with them so I have changed my working hours so I am arround at breakfast time so that I am always there

How many days should I look to GAL each week do I suggest 3 days each or just see how it lays.. currently we have suggested she does a Saturday I do a Sunday evening

The other was me.not spending enough time with her making Her feel loved and cherished so I know I cannot do anything about W

Tomorrow I will be seeing if there is a jujitsu club locally amd I am going to speak to my tennis club about starting tennis again

Thanks for all your help

Gary

[ATPeace]

My days at the moment are all the very same

On a school day

Wake up 7 am do some house work put on a load of washing
Get kids up and ready for school
I go off to work
Get home about 4pm
Take S to tennis
Get home 7.30 to 8.30 depending on his session
Have something yo eat
Talk to W
Perhaps watch some TV with or with out W
Then Bed. ......Was and is not much of a life

Ready for the next day where it all starts again like a scan from Groundhog Day

Now we are on summer holidays and S is not doing his tennis
So evenings we are arround together from 4 pm So I have been trying yo do more with my children from 4 pm taking them to park taking baby out for a walk going with my Eldest D to her horse

So my question is if I am trying to detach from W ....Do I do more things for myself in the evenings ...

Looking back on my M and what has been happening over the past year or so I have been doing this I have been playing tennis on a Tuesday and Thursday night and was not spending time with my W .....I was putting myself first

I guess she feels that I have been detaching from her by not spending time with her

She has been feeling lonely

Now I am being told to GAL and to Detach but is this not exactly what I was doing too get to this situation over the last year or so.

I am struggling to see how going back to what I was doing before is going to make this any better or am I missing something

I am confused

Please can anyone advise me

Many thanks

Gary

[Fogg]

Find a balance that works for you. If doing things on your own was an issue from the M then it could be seen as a problem now also. BUT, not if it was because you weren't spending time with her. That ship has sailed and she doesn't want you to spend time with her anymore.

Also, stop thinking about giving her the impression that you have given up on the M. SHE ENDED THE M, THERE IS NOTHING TO GIVE UP ON. You want to get to the point where she feels you are moving on with or without her, that you accept and respect her decision to end the M. That you will be ok no matter what. Its counter-intuitive but its the mindset you need to get into. Especially if she begins dating.

If the issue was you didn't spend time with the kids, then yes spend more time with the kids. No one is saying go full GAL for yourself. Do much more GAL with the kids than you did before but add in some time for yourself also. You need to enjoy life and find something to do. If one or two nights alone seems reasonable right now, do that.

[Ontheup]

Ghost

Agree with Fogg, there is nothing to give up on. Your wife has made that decision for you for what ever reason.

You now need to decide what are you going to do? stick around and keep on dancing? Till she starts seeing another man (if she isnt already)? or brings him home? you still going to put with that?

Its sh1t but you need to get the mindset of what am I going to do to move forward, not how can i impress my wife back into the marriage because it doesnt work.

Think of you, your kids and your future.

She wants out of the marriage? ...let her have it..let her have what she wants....you cant force someone to do what they dont want to do. Step away from the all the drama

I would definatley get all my ducks in row, seek legal advice about where you stand regarding your children and finance.

I danced for 6 months before i found out my wife was having an affair. I bent over backwards doing everything she had previously complained of. It was just bullsh1t from her....It made absolutley zero difference apart from me disrespecting myself. The pain started to stop once i decided i would not put up with her cr@p any longer. So i gave her what she wanted and moved out. I've gone NC apart from child and finace stuff. Its the best thing I've done.

[ATPeace]

So update on my life

Last night I had a panic attak I think I must have woken up at 4.30am screeming because the W came upstairs and led me back to bed and she layed next to me for the rest of the night

My day has been pretty much like any others but I did join a local gym I have my induction on Thursday so will start there after thursday

I have been trying to give W space today in the house as this is what she asked for

I have reduced my work Hoursn down to spend more time with my children but this does mean I am about W a little more but have been trying to keep out of her way