Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
We attended a baseball game last night (work event for me) with the kids, and we all seemed to have a nice time. I am holding on to the phrase, "be the person that only a fool would leave." It was nice to be out as a family with some laughter, and joking included between all of us...
We had a good night again last night. W made dinner, and we had some normal conversation around the standard day-to-day topics. I was expecting there to be some talk about scheduling a session with a mediator, but it wasn't mentioned, so not sure if she is working on that or not... I am just keeping my chin up and really trying to recreate the life we had when things were going good as mentioned in DB. I should be picking up DR today, so I will be reading some of that this weekend.
I picked up DR and read quite a bit this weekend... It seems to make more sense than DB, so if somebody is debating I would recommend DR based on what I have read so far.
I wrote some goals...
We need to increase the laughter in our relationship, enjoy each other's company, and talk about more than D or the kids.
Increase trust, especially about the motives behind what I am saying. For example, she thinks when I talk about what finances look like post D that I am trying to be controlling and forcing her to decide to stay. - I could use some advice, but my strategies for this are to stay positive, and try to create solutions to these perceived issues when they are discussed. Also, to avoid bringing up the topics that put me at a disadvantage due to the fact that I am looking at reality and her EA has her in a fog.
I would like her to reach out to me once a day with a kind gesture (call, text, a friendly remark, etc).
I started a DR log, and we had a couple of decent days as I compare to the goals above. Also, yesterday we were together much of the day, and had no fights/disagreements whatsoever.
Now, I just have to stay patient, positive, and motivated to keep up the DB work...
We had our meeting this morning... It was pretty uneventful, and just an initial consultation. The W and I had some discussion on things afterwards, and it is clear that she is having bouts of sadness regarding the fact that she will miss me, her house, etc. It doesn't seem to be enough to wake her up, but I will keep up the DB efforts. At one point she said, deciding to stay should be easy, but I am sure with the EA with the OM there is internal conflict. On a positive note, she did say that I am looking nicer, so the exercise and weight loss seems to be paying off. Must have patience...
I am struggling today... Why is it some days I feel strong, focused and that this effort is all worth it, and other days I feel like why bother - cut her loose, and move on? I hope this is normal, but it is exhausting...
We sat down tonight, and talked about how to divide stuff in preparation for her going to the lawyer next week. I expect her to file next week, so we will see what happens. The conversation was civil, but it is sickening to see what D will do to our kids, their activities, and our finances.
Oh well - I am going to try to keep up the DB, and hope for the 2x4 wake-up at some point...
Yes - that is it exactly... My faith is shaken (I went to church to pray after our discussion), and I often feel like why am I even trying to DB at this point. At this point it is her loss...
