After my legal meeting today, my wife handed me printouts of all of my threads. She said that she feels manipulated, violated, played, and abused. I am sorry to her for feeling that way, and I understand that much of what is in my threads could be painful to read. I do not regret what I wrote anywhere as that is how I was feeling at the time, and I still feel that I needed a safe place to vent these thoughts and feelings. It turns out that this was not that place for me.
To my W, I will offer one final note of apology for the things that went wrong in our marriage. I didn't know how to show you how much I loved and continue to love you. I did not appreciate the things you provided as a mother, as a friend, and as a wife. I made you feel like nothing was ever good enough for me.
As for me, the changes that I have made in myself have been for myself. While my end goal has always been to reconcile my marriage, that does not impact the fundamental growth and change that I have made in myself as a friend, as a father, and as a person. I have so much more capacity for respect, care, empathy, and love, and I owe that to my time spent here learning from all of you.
While my marriage may be over, my life is not. I can leave this with my head held high knowing that I have done everything that I could to save my marriage. I will take the tools that I have learned here to be the best Matt777 that I can be going forward and apply it to whichever relationship next awaits me.
That's brutal man .... So sorry to hear, my heart goes out to you and yours.
I understand how one might feel manipulated learning of this forum, I see it more as a place people have come as a last resort to save their marriage ... in turn its actually the people who are saved. Shame it had to be this way ... really is. As bad as it is ... valuable lesson here for all ... MAKE SURE you keep this LOCKED up .... this is for you and you alone not the WAS.
I am deeply sorry to read that you are not viewing this with an open heart in seeing that your H is TRYING his save the marriage out of his love for you.
You might want to give marriage counseling a try with Michele Weiner-Davis. You might be surprised to hear what she has to say about your negative feelings---they are transient.
You have to ask yourself:
"Have I really TRIED everything and left no stone unturned before chucking the marriage like a disposable Burger King wrapper?"
Do not be mesmerized by or follow the divorce siren...it's a trap that many people fall into too quickly in today's disposable society.
My heart hurts for you, Matt, and the family.
Love is a decision. Love is a choice.
Matt, you've DONE a bang up job of trying to keep your marriage and family together.
THUMBS up!! The next woman will be very, VERY lucky to have you as a husband.
It is a lesson to us all, if your spouse is still in the same place as you when you join this BB, use incognito mode on your browser when on this site so no trace is left OR delete your history and temporary files so you leave no tracks.
What you also need to be aware of (and this is a bit nerdy) is that.if your spouse knows your login on a Google Chrome browser (it may apply to other browsers too) then they can see your bookmarks and history, even if they login on a different PC/tablet/phone.
Technology is there to help us, but it can bite us in the butt if we aren't careful.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Matt I am sorry to hear that. My point of view is, you came here to save your marriage. In this place we share our problems with others that have been there or are still going through this. We help each other. I bet most of our WWS or WAS are saying all kinds of things about us and our marriages to the OP or their friends and alot of it is lies! Or it is the truth but has been stretched some. All of us that came here, did so with good intentions. And we were at a place where we did not know where to go. I know I was! It's not like I can go grab someone I know from work or a friend and say "my wife is a phone sex operator and I believe she is also having an emotional affair".
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
You talked me out of a massive funk last week. Take some solace in all of this by knowing that in addition to fighting for your marriage and your family, that you also helped someone else in their own battle even while fighting your own.
I don't think there is a greater testament to someone's true character than openly helping someone even when they are hurting and fighting their own battle.
We've all made mistakes to get where we are today. I hope you find peace no matter where life leads you.
Maybe Matt777 is you could try to view this as her caring about what you think of her and only she knows who you really are, everyone else is unknown so there's a whole bunch of really great people out there who really want to help.
Ask her, can she honestly say that she hasn't discussed your sitch with anyone? Willing to bet I know the answer and each one of them knows you so will have formed an opinion that you have to face directly (not anonymously on a BB), so she's the guilty part, not you!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Don't forget the DB principles, Validate what she says, ask her why she feels the way she does and why is it effecting her so much.
Every cloud has a silver lining, it's finding that sparkly bit amongst the grey and black sometimes that's the difficult part.
We are all rooting for you as you are a great asset to this BB, even I know that and I've only been around a short while.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
