Hi Gan, interesting to get a bit of feedback about your H. It certainly doesn't sound as though he has anyone serious in the picture. It may be useful that he tries a little dating. Going out with a few other women and not feeling a connection may be something he needs to go through.
Good that you just feel 'whatever.' There would have been a time in my sitch where I was thrown for a loop at that kind of thing. I think now I have closed down to him somewhat emotionally. Whether that could open up again I'm not sure.
Good that OMUG came back to you. He is right that there's no need to over think things. You're an independent woman who can make new male friends and be clear about her needs and what she does and doesn't want in her life.
Good for you Gan!! T xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I read your update about your H and for me that was one of those head in hand moments. If he is only concerned about those early sparks then (in my opinion) he is setting himself up for a lifetime of shallowness and disappointment.
Sounds good about OMUG, its a phrase I picked up from these boards that I now use quite a lot in real life 'No need to borrow problems from tomorrow'
Anyway sounds like you're having fun with the hiking so that's good. And i cant remember if I said already but congratulations on having the paper accepted
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi Gan, I meant date, and my impression was that is what V thought, too.
V, am I correct?
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Toots | Yes, I agree. I think him being with other people is pretty much a necessity at this point. It's the reality in any case. I'm trying not to think about it too much, though I imagine it will be a big mental hurdle if we were to R. I'm not sure if it's the sort of thing I can recover from...but I will address that if it comes to it.
Jim | Yeah, I have the same reaction. I suppose I knew that he felt this way and guess I know what he means. We did let other things get in the way of our R together. The difference between us - I accept that long term relationships can get like this and I am/was willing to work on it; I did not walk away. I've felt a bit of anger at this fact since meeting up with our mutual friend last week. Anger and sadness that he blew up our M to go after something that is pretty unattainable. It also feels like a bit of a black mark on me of sorts...and felt weird hearing our mutual friend convey that that was the issue. I know we both contributed to the situation, but I still need to work on forgiving myself for the things I did and didn't do. I don't want that to be a recurring theme in my next R.
V and Bob | Curious to know what it is I said that makes you think I'm not ready to date. I feel ready to date. I don't think much about H these days, and increasingly feel like I want to explore more on my own. If H were to turn around now, I'd have to stop and think seriously if I want to give up the life I've created to return to the M. That's how I've been feeling lately anyway. I've also been pondering what it is that is stopping me from filing.
... ... ... ...
So it was my birthday on Friday and it was interesting to stand back and reflect on how much my social circle has expanded in the last year or so. In addition to the usual "haven't seen you in 10 years, happy birthday" type FB messages, I had a number of exchanges with people throughout the day..many referring to things we recently did, or plans to next week etc etc...really made me realise how different things are.
Had a lovely dinner with a new girlfriend who insisted we go out on my b'day. I was ok with a quite one, knowing I had a 30km hike planned for Saturday followed by night out dancing. Alas, she tempted me with the offer of cheeeese and vino.
Saturday night was ridiculous fun. In the past I would have said I didn't like dancing....but deep down I think I kinda did. It was a bit of a meat market but I felt pretty comfortable with it. I'm feeling pretty at ease with myself these days and it helps that I'm not wanting to rush into an R. So I really don't need to settle or worry too much about outcomes when guys do show interest.
I gave my number to one guy, who followed up today. Bit of back and forward with OMUG as well.
Oh and H. After feeling a bit [censored] that he didn't get in touch on my b'day, he sent a text just now...right as I was about to send a message to the guy above. Now I'm not sure who I will reply to :-/
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
