I have thought about that, but not something I want to pursue at this point. It would be a catalyst to her waking up and realizing the true impact of her actions.
Good idea not to pursue that potential issue. It will make you look manipulative.
I don't care how it looks to NPY's wife, if one of my kids were in that classroom and I was paying tuition for my children to go to a religious school with certain standards in place I would want to know if any of my children's teacher was living an alternative lifestyle.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
I don't care how it looks to NPY's wife, if one of my kids were in that classroom and I was paying tuition for my children to go to a religious school with certain standards in place I would want to know if any of my children's teacher was living an alternative lifestyle.
That's fine. You have every right to feel that way. He already made a decision, so it isn't even worth discussing.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I am sorry for what you are going through, it sounds like a very rough 2 years + for you. That is a long time! I am new here and don't have any good advice, except to say that you are right to focus on your children and yourself right now. They need a stable parent, so take care of yourself. I am learning that lesson myself, actually having more fun with my kids than I have in a long time, they need it and I need it.
I have been enjoying the renewed focus on spending time with the kids. I did make it all day without logging into Facebook yesterday and today, so far. We have been talking about going to a mediator, and I expected her to talk to me yesterday about setting up a time for that, but she didn't bring it up last night, so I am not sure what she is thinking... She has been sleeping on the couch, and two nights ago I gave her a fist bump as I went to bed (with confidence in a jovial manner), and I did that again last night as well which she complied with non-grudgingly... I have been trying to be busy at home, going for a walk etc, and the only time we were together was dinner with the kids, and an hour or so we were each on a couch in the living room (only limited talking about kids)... I hope I am doing ok with the DB stuff...
There is a whole lot of info that you are leaving out. Makes it hard for us to help you.
You mentioned that you began reading the book about a month ago. I can only assume DB/DR. What have you learned from reading the book? Has it helped you change any of your behaviors?
Curious to still know what were the issues in your marriage before things began to unravel? Have you changed?
If you were to take a picture of your situation when things fell apart, and compare it to a picture as things currently stand, does it look different?
My point is this, you have to take the lead in making changes within yourself. That is within your control. When that happens, you change the dynamics of your relationship.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
First, let me say that I am sorry for the situation you are in.
You need to focus on YOU and your kids. DBing needs to be a full time proposition and you can start by focusing on what you have control over.
It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be, especially before you speak with a mediator. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I am going to try and provide some more clarity around the situation...
The EA started at a time when I was in a very bad spot. I was depressed due to being financially overwhelmed, job issues, etc. I know that I wasn't treating my wife very nice, and we weren't having any fun whatsoever. I actually remember during this time saying things like I feel depressed, however, we never went to any MC or anything. She started talking to OM during this struggle for me.
The BD in May of 2013 is what "woke me up" to the fact that I had everything out-of-balance in my life and caused many changes to my overall perspective emotionally, financially, and most important spiritually. I think it was in July 2013 that my wife stated that I was the happiest I had been in a long time, even though my life was falling apart.
Since that time the lingering issue has become the fact that the EA has its grips on her. We went to Retrouvaille in July 2014 and afterwards she made it 25ish days without talking to him. We had a glimmer of our "good life" back although I know she was in pain due to the separation of the EA. We took our family to Disney World in Aug 2014, and had the best trip ever (we go a lot). She is completely addicted to talking to him, and has stated many times that she has tried to stop talking to him many times, but she can't. As a teacher she has had one of his kids for the last 3 years, so I think somewhere along the line I gave up trying to get her to break it up... I knew that if she said goodbye on one day then the next day she would have some legitimate need to talk to him about one of his kids etc. If not, then he would make sure to show up at school, and initiate conversation...
Things have come to a head over the last several weeks in part, because I have read DB... I have started to initiate some boundaries (your check needs to help cover cell and internet, because I am done enabling this communication). We had the big fight (3 weeks ago) where I was drunk and really told her that she needed to choose, because I was tired of this situation. It has been a long two years, and I fully accept responsibility for my wrong behavior during this, but I feel this was the culmination of 2+ years of frustration...
We had a talk last night, and at one point she says that she is crazy for wanting to leave because of the wonderful life that we have. However, she would be staying for all the wrong reasons (kids, lifestyle, etc)... I probably did the wrong thing by talking to her, but in this new world of talking about a divorce she seems to be the most "clear-headed" that she has been in quite some time.
I realized last night that we haven't had enough laughter in our relationship, because of all the underlying tension. As I was heading to bed I gave her the fist bump, and then winked at her. She laughed and said, "see you in the morning"... I need to keep focusing on being upbeat, and positive even as she says she wants a D.
I am starting to feel that I should just accept the D and move on
