It's Been Two Months Today

[DifRent]

Ugh... the housing situation I was hoping would work out fell through today. This makes me feel so much more uneasy than I already felt.

Trying to trust in God, but it's lonely here today, I have no plans till this evening, and even those plans aren't very exciting.

Fighting depression today big time for sure...

[Matt777]

Is there a movie you can see? A new restaurant you can go to? A home repair project you can start?

Thinking of you.

[DifRent]

Thanks Matt. After I get my younger son from work, going to head with him to my mom's for the night. The hours that have stretched out all day today have been tough, though. Absolutely no motivation or desire to do anything. I've never felt this low before. It's pretty unsettling. But tomorrow is a full day, at least, and I'll make it through.

[HeavyD]

Thinking about you Diff. It will get better. I promise. Just keep doing what is best for you. Ignore your w - she's already gone.

It is imperative that you start GALing... Went to a parade today and just being around complete strangers was soothing. Just do something....out of the norm.

You are worthy and capable!

[DifRent]

Hey Heavy... thanks for the kind words. I've been GALing, almost too much. Yesterday I had an empty and lonely day till evening when I came to visit my mom. Today, I have three invitations to be social and I have accepted them all.

I'm suddenly very anxious about where I'm going to live, though. I am working on a plan to acquire land and build a very small home, but that won't be accomplished in a month and a half... which is when she wants us both out of the house. It's a whole new source of anxiety for me, on top of starting a new job next week, the boys having moved out... just almost too much change and loss to bear. The depression is real, and it's hard to see much hope.

But I'll get out of bed here in a minute, go to church, and see if I can't put some of this pain in God's hands.

[HeavyD]

Diff

Ok you Have a plan. Good.

Do you want to tell your doctor - Meds may help - they did for me. There is nothing easy about any of this. Believe me I have many days of feeling overwhelmed. But .... One foot in front of the other for both of us.

I am glad you are on this board. Let's see how we can support each other through this horrible time.

Best - Heavy!!

[PigPen]

That's a lot to handle at the same time Dif, no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed.

Glad to hear that you're going to church and putting some of this in God's hands. You're very strong and doing an amazing job, but we all need a little help, especially in times like this.

Keep posting and reaching out here, we're all in this together and can offer you own love and support through what is definitely an insane time!

Big hug,
PP

[DifRent]

Thanks Heavy and PP... you guys are awesome. Big hugs back. Really want to avoid medication if possible, but if things get to be too much, I'll consider it.

Now get this... I headed out the door toward my car to go meet my friends for brunch. There was a car parked right in front of our townhome, pretty much blocking my car. It was unfamiliar to me... I noticed two bikes on the rack on the back of it, and thought... "that looks like my W's..."

And sure enough, there was the OW in the driver's seat, looking at her phone or something.

I stood there in shock for just a minute, fought the VERY REAL urge to go over there and be violent either with my fists or my words, and came back into the house to try and collect myself. I could not believe they were out there, just sitting in the car, in front of our home. A few minutes later, my W comes walking through the front door. She looks at me like nothing is wrong.

"Hi, how are you?"

I just let her walk past, into the bedroom. She came back out, and I said, "I was fine till just now. What is SHE doing out there, right here in my face?"

"Well, I needed to get some things," she said, as she headed into the garage for some lawn chairs and her bicycle helmet.

"And you have your own car," I said.

"Why are you so upset?" she asked on her way out the door.

"I can't believe you crossed YET ANOTHER boundary. How DARE you bring her anywhere near our home! Get the f**k out of here." And I slammed the door.

My blood was boiling, but I wasn't happy I lost my cool.

A couple of hours later, she called me while I was at my friend's house. I answered.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you were so upset," she said.

I said, "Are you sorry I was upset? Or sorry for what you did? Because there's a big difference."

"I don't get what the big deal is," she started... "We broke up, and..."

"Look," I was calm. "Not going to get into this with you now. You have plans, I have plans. Maybe we'll talk about it this week. For now, I have nothing to say to you. Have a good afternoon."

"Okay, bye."

My God, how dense could this woman possibly be????

I'm just venting here, I know you all have equally dense spouses. But I'm wondering how others might have handled a similar situation, or how you have handled it.

I'm sure Wonka will have something to say...

Off now to watch the World Cup at a sports bar with some other friends. It's been good GALing today. Not even thinking about the difficult week that lies ahead. Tomorrow will take care of itself, right?

[DifRent]

With regard to the exchange above, I'd kind of like to address it in an email instead of a conversation, because I don't want to leave it hanging, but at the same time, I have a feeling a conversation will get heated. Here's what I've written so far, which is a first draft and as much venting to myself as anything, so I KNOW I wrote way too much... maybe Wonka could stop by and help parse it? I won't send till the morning, after I'm pretty sure the OW has gone to work...


So, in order that we refrain from yet another fight, I want to be clear about a few things here in writing, particularly regarding the direction in which you began to take the conversation on the phone yesterday:

FACT: "We" did not break up. People who date break up. Ours was not a dating relationship that didn't work out. We were in a committed, monogamous, intended for life union with two lives intimately entwined and given to each other, no matter how much you try to rewrite the history. Regardless of the "feelings" you began to have but never shared with me, that's what we had. WE didn't break up. YOU decided to trade me in for an older model and fantasy driven good times. Your decision, 100%. Not mine.

FACT: You absolutely have the right to do whatever you want to do. But if you think for a minute that a mere two months after you drop the bomb that completely shatters my life and the future I had planned, I should just be okay seeing you and the other party responsible for this mess in couple mode outside OUR home, well... that's why people think you are "wacko." Because that's a self-absorbed delusional notion that is actually hurtful to the woman for whom you claim to have had pure love all these years - and sooooo completely out of character for the W they've known all these years.

That's all. I really don't want to talk about this, other than to once again ask you to be respectful of me and my feelings, which would require you to think about someone other than yourself long enough to make a decision.

And please, keep this communication between us.

Thank you.
Dif

[PigPen]

Hey Dif, sounds like a really crappy day and very inconsiderate of your W. My personal rule with emails is to sit on them for at least 24 hours. At least that long, maybe a bit longer. I know you don't want to leave it hanging, but what if it does hang for a bit longer?

And yea, my W would describe what we went through as a break up too. I had to tell her that we weren't in junior high and she didn't slide a note into my locker. We were married, and that meant that we were getting divorced or were separated. We didn't break up. It might have been semantics, but call a spade a spade if you're going to be out in the yard shoveling [censored] with it.

Hopefully one of the vets will come by and chime in on this, it's above my pay grade.