Friend A is a link to the past .... and 'feels' more natural to her (Less pressure!).... .heck if you need to just accept friend A is not OW, sit with her, make her welcome ... again .. be that person a fool would leave.
Heavy its a long haul ... is the D the final straw for you? For me I think it might have been, but if I were honest withmyself I think there would have always been a door there for me I would have allowed W back into if she showed me what I really needed and wanted to see ... keep this in mind during all this.
You will know when its enough .. for me the D was really nothing more than me sating .. "ok W you want out, here you are .. better? Nope?! ... shocker.... Told ya so." Words unspoken but it was how I felt when I was on the ropes with all the D talk and movements.
Both strategies that I will take to heart. You guys are always so positive - I love that about you both.
She was a mutual friend - but of course she sided with W. At first she was on the fence but now she is squarely in W camp. I reached out to her a couple of times to do something but each time it's been a thanks for calling, but I am busy. I get it.
So yes, I will try to look at it that way.
Is D the final straw CaliGuy, I think so. I don't see a way back from that. Too much damage, and just all too much - maybe we will be friends one day.
She's consistently wanted a D, moves forward with the A, I have stopped reisting and accept it. It's reality.
Had lunch with a friend from out of the blue - it was good to get out of the normal routine at work. I enjoyed myself. Yay!
I think Wonka was reaction to your thinking long and hard about why or why not agreeing to let her see the kids. This sounded like you were using the kids strategically to achieve some point. You obviously didn't, and you good job.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Yes, I can see how it would seem that way, but I framed it around "would my kids like to spend some time with their Mom even though it's my time" and the answer was yes.
It felt good to be able to say yes. I know it's a small thing, but it still felt good and that I put my kids happiness first. I hope to make this happen more and more as time progresses.
Kids first, me second, rinse and repeat.
L called today - not much progress due to July 4 holiday and it's a short week. I said OK, thanks for calling.
I wanted to respond to your comment would a D be the end. My flip answer was yes it would be. The more honest answer after considering it is a maybe.
I just don't know how to turn off loving someone I have been with for 20 years and have two amazing kids with. I liked a comment you mentioned from earlier, I could still love her but from afar and let her just lead her life and I will just lead mine.
She obviously thinks she is doing the right thing for her and it's her life. Only she gets to choose how to live it.
Same for me, I know this experience has made me a more compassionate and deeper thinking person. Even though I was very very upset, mad, embarassed, aangry, and frustrated by this situation, I have looked deeper into myself that I ever have before.
Will I still be really upset on down the line with the choices she has made? ....most likely yes. Will I have moved on with my life without her?......most likely yes.
One thing, I really want is to be able to think more clearly again. I feel like I have been in pea soup for the past year. It's so hard to make decisions now, to plan on my calendar now, to fully engage with my career now, it feels like everything is so complicated.
I still have feelings of panic and despair but I admit the feelings pass over if I breathe through them. Just keep breathing Heavy....
So W calls this morning to wish me a Happy Birthday and that the kids had made me a card which she will deliver to my office today. I said thank you, that was very nice.
Its hard to believe that last year on my birthday I commented several times to W and kids, this is the best birthday I have ever had. Unreal man, just unreal.
Dropped kids off at summer camp and came on into work. Tonight it's the mall for some new shoes for these guys. I can't tell you how fast their feet grow!
Onwards and Upwards - the only way to go. Right? Right!
