Crisortunity - A beautiful world with endless possibilities.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

My wife and I are over a decade recovered and we have a stack of friends in real life, both single divorced betrayed spouses and recovered marriages, that can attest to the fact that this experience, though brutal and gruesome, isn't insurmountable. Sadly, the only ones it doesn't seem to ever work out for are the unrepentant way wards. Ultimately, it's their future happiness, contentment and eternal soul that's the only thing truly at stake here.

I know sometimes it feels like you've been beat up, stabbed and thrown off the largest cliff in the world. The pain is often described as more hurtful than the loss of a child because someone you loved and vowed to love you back CHOOSE to do this to you; however, as you fall from that cliff you can close your eyes, focus solely on your internal pain and anguish OR open your eyes and take in God's beautiful world around you.

My wife's affair was not a "gift" I am grateful for. It's wayward logic to say "I celebrate sin because it made me who I am today". Instead, my wife and I both wish we could have learned this stuff without either of us experiencing and enduring adultery and the unavoidable and sometimes continuing consequences of adultery; however, we are better persons for having overcome it thus far. It's through God's love and grace that we've been able to use our story and lives to help other couples cope and overcome the same.

[Cadet]

My wife's affair was not a "gift" I am grateful for.
It's wayward logic to say "I celebrate sin because it made me who I am today".
Instead, my wife and I both wish we could have learned this stuff without either of us experiencing and enduring adultery and the unavoidable and sometimes continuing consequences of adultery; however, we are better persons for having overcome it thus far.
It's through God's love and grace that we've been able to use our story and lives to help other couples cope and overcome the same.

Maybe its wayward but it sounds like it is a gift according to what you just wrote.

My .02

[Pyrite]

hi GB,

Repentance on her behalf seems like that will never happen. The things that she has said in general and specifically in efforts to "comfort" me are just unreal. Don't know how much you have read but my IC has remarked that W seems to be Aspergers. Her actions etc surpass the usual WW script in a "strange" way.

I dismissed this initially, but on reflection, and talking with family, friends, this seems a very REAL possibility. It doesn't change anything really for me or us now, but I am concerned that this will make repentance absolutely off the cards. Not saying that it couldn't be off the cards anyway. Because this A is her true love and I am just an arse.

I am not grateful for this situation I am in. All I have ever said to W since BD is that we will ultimately learn from this experience and bring that new wisdom to our next R. Please give us the chance to have that in our R.

2 months later I came here to DB land and I now I celebrate the magnitude and depth of how life changing that wisdom can be, learnt from hitting rock bottom as a person. I wish we could have learnt this together and without this A, but I honestly dont think (for me) that would've happened without bottoming out.

So there is a silver lining in this cloud. Should W ever repent and agree to R, then we might enjoy this new wisdom together. If she doesn't, she doesn't. It's not up to me. I can be the "lighthouse", but if she is looking starboard only then it doesn't matter how bright my light is.

[NDY]

Hi py.

Still following you thread.

Just one thing since you're such an analytical man. Albert Enstine proved that light bends.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

My wife's affair was not a "gift" I am grateful for.
It's wayward logic to say "I celebrate sin because it made me who I am today".
Instead, my wife and I both wish we could have learned this stuff without either of us experiencing and enduring adultery and the unavoidable and sometimes continuing consequences of adultery; however, we are better persons for having overcome it thus far.
It's through God's love and grace that we've been able to use our story and lives to help other couples cope and overcome the same.

Maybe its wayward but it sounds like it is a gift according to what you just wrote.

My .02

According to that logic, was then the Jewish Holocaust a gift?

Maybe we should ask John McCain if his time in the Vietnamese prison systems was a gift?

Or a rape victim who overcomes her emotional and physical scars to stand up in front of women speaking out as the face of a survivor of rape, maybe we should ask her if being raped was a gift.

Or the families of the victims at Mother Emmanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina, perhaps, they should be reminded of the gifts their love one gave their life for as they commence on their burden of overcoming the atrocities of hatred their loved one endured.

I KNOW it's wordplay and it's co-opting a word and trying to look on the bright side of things and maybe, 3, 4...10 years down the road some especially divorced betrayed spouses may say "wow, my ex spouse gave me the greatest "gift" of all time by cheating, leaving and divorcing me" however, that's not the way it sounds to a large majority of betrayed spouses in the thick of the most painful thing many will ever experience in their lives. It's NOT a "gift'. Adultery is sin. It's black. It's evil. Defeat it. Overcome it. Don't ever celebrate it. IT (adultery) is not what made me the man and husband nor my wife the persons we are today. God did and God did NOT "gift" me adultery to teach me a lesson.

Rant....Sorry...still love ya Cadet. Hate the choice of words, not the moderator. lol.

[Pyrite]

Hi py.

Still following you thread.

Just one thing since you're such an analytical man. Albert Enstine proved that light bends.

Actually NDY your right my alley now. Einstein proposed that light always travels in a straight line, it is space that is curved. Well really space-time (4D) that is curved. The PROOF is everything else that we know about the universe fits EXACTLY with this theory. And I mean EXACTLY.

But for the religious here - this does not disprove the presence of Him. It doesn't even ask that question. Science has never asked that question. At the end of the day, even though Einstein was absolutely right (give or take dark matter) - why is space-time curved? God? Not a scientific question my friend. Why science has NEVER started the debate of God vs Religion. (Except for Dawkins - but he's a biologist )

[Georgia Bulldogs]

hi GB,

Repentance on her behalf seems like that will never happen. The things that she has said in general and specifically in efforts to "comfort" me are just unreal. Don't know how much you have read but my IC has remarked that W seems to be Aspergers. Her actions etc surpass the usual WW script in a "strange" way.

I dismissed this initially, but on reflection, and talking with family, friends, this seems a very REAL possibility. It doesn't change anything really for me or us now, but I am concerned that this will make repentance absolutely off the cards. Not saying that it couldn't be off the cards anyway. Because this A is her true love and I am just an arse.

I am not grateful for this situation I am in. All I have ever said to W since BD is that we will ultimately learn from this experience and bring that new wisdom to our next R. Please give us the chance to have that in our R.

2 months later I came here to DB land and I now I celebrate the magnitude and depth of how life changing that wisdom can be, learnt from hitting rock bottom as a person. I wish we could have learnt this together and without this A, but I honestly dont think (for me) that would've happened without bottoming out.

So there is a silver lining in this cloud. Should W ever repent and agree to R, then we might enjoy this new wisdom together. If she doesn't, she doesn't. It's not up to me. I can be the "lighthouse", but if she is looking starboard only then it doesn't matter how bright my light is.

Pardon me for not knowing your back story but was your wife a religious/Christian woman?

It was very hard for my wife to rectify and quiet those religious thoughts in her minds screaming at her during her affair. She even described it as a tingling in the back of her neck as her brain fought against itself (and the world).

One can only hope that God is working on your wife. If she's a Christian, have faith that He hasn't given up on His child. Pray for her, for OM. Pray out loud casting aside and for hedges of protection from the demons that are attacking her and your family. Being one flesh with you wife has it's spiritual advantages. A husband's prayers for his wife are prayers for and about your own body. What infects her...infects you. Cast them out.

[NDY]

Hey py. I know it's space that curves and light follows a straight path but I'm on an iPhone and didn't want to get into the details of space time. Typing is difficult enough with just your thumbs. But my point still stands. She may well know the light is there even if she's pointing in the wrong direction.

Physics, now that's a subject I can get my teeth into.

[Bob723]

Hey Pyrite!

A friend passed this along to me today. I found it encouraging and wanted to share it with you:

Faith…Trust…Hope…Confidence…Love…Attitude

{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain,
on the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.

That's FAITH

{2}
When you throw a baby in the air,
she laughs because she knows you will catch her.

That's TRUST

{3}
Every night we go to bed,
without any assurance of being alive the next morning
but still we set the alarms to wake up.

That's HOPE

{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.

That's CONFIDENCE

{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.

That's LOVE

{6}
On an old lady's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old....
I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'

That's ATTITUDE

Have a happy day,

Live your life like the six stories above!

[Pyrite]

Hey py. I know it's space that curves and light follows a straight path but I'm on an iPhone and didn't want to get into the details of space time. Typing is difficult enough with just your thumbs. But my point still stands. She may well know the light is there even if she's pointing in the wrong direction.

Physics, now that's a subject I can get my teeth into.

ahhhhh i see where you're going now. Maybe my light can do a lap of a closed Universe. Or maybe I can just eat enough to have such an enormous gravitational effect on space-time curvature that it pulls the light back into her eyes. Although I would need to eat as much as a few black holes

WRT my W. I am (today at least) quietly confident that she will see the "light". The question then is how long will that be, and will I still be here in 2 years, 5?

take care - Py