Hello dearest friends...RD, Karma, V, Toots and Skydive,
I am letting go. On Friday H text me when he just arrived from the airport and I just said that his car was at the house and said Thank you, I appreciate you sacrificing so much time loaning the car to us.
Today H texted asking me if I had some discount coupon and I answer just "NO". I actually answer about 8 hours late but I just got busy and did not check my phone.
Then after my short answer, H text saying "I hope you are well. My dad got out of the hospital yesterday and he is home now" ... I did not answer at all.
And the main reason I will let go is not even because of me, but when he was home on Friday he saw S15 and just asked how he was doing and then said he needed to go and would talk to them on weekend.
Friday night I left to a neighbor city festival with all three boys. I met a friend there and told the boys that they could do their stuff and would be with my friend for awhile.
S15 made a big fiasco. S21 sent me a text telling me about it. When I came close to S15, he was very mad, wanted to leave and said that now I will be with my friends and find someone and abandon him as well.
That he hates his father and would be happy to hear that he is dead, that I am too worry about myself and blah, blah, blah.
It was a heartbreaking scene and I cried a lot later, thinking that H made a huge mass and now I need to resign my again because I need to be the support for the kids. What kind of father did I chose for my kids? Yes, the answer is... a father that does not care about anyone besides himself.
So be it and go to hell. I am finally getting tired of H games. I just want him to leave me allont.
Hello my lovely...I'm sorry you've been having a tough time of it sweetheart. IMHO, loving detachment is the best thing to aim for here. I think your NO text and not responding to the update on his Dad are reactive (angry?) responses. I don't sense that you are completely done, but that you may benefit from greater detachment...
I'm sorry for your S - that's hard. And your H relationship with his kids is his to own. Might it be an option to say to S that dad is working through some hard things of his own right now. Whilst that may feel like he isn't offering you much ATM, that's more about him than about you. And it will likely pass...
Keep reading the guidance on detachment - you're not aiming for cold & cutting him off, you 're aiming to lovingly recognise he is on his own difficult path just now & has little good to offer you. Therefore, your own happiness cannot be bound to him.
I'm trying to work on forgiveness. One thing I realise is that H did what he did because he was in pain and didn't have the tools to do otherwise....
Take care lovely P xx
Last edited by Toots; 06/14/1511:41 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Pink. So sorry to here about S15. I think it's often the problem with kids when they have such a caring and loving mum. He is depending on you for both mum and dad now and that makes it tough on you but you can handle it.
As usual I agree with Toots that I don't think your really finished with H. You love the man and you can't just turn it off. ( even if you would like to !!! )
While I think you should relax back from H for your own sake , I hope that you take a few days to decide if it's over or not.
We all know the Pink we love is a passionate person and I would imagine when it's comes to Pinks boys that's multiplied by 1000. As Toots says his relationship with them is for him to sort out and at the moment I don't think you H is thinking clearly enough to do that.
plenty of hugs for all the boys Pink , your their rock. You have to let H do what ever he's going to do and live your own life. The M isn't over until a calm , relaxed Pink decides it is.
Stay strong for you and your family Pink. hugs and kisses. Rd
We all know the Pink we love is a passionate person and I would imagine when it's comes to Pinks boys that's multiplied by 1000. As Toots says his relationship with them is for him to sort out and at the moment I don't think you H is thinking clearly enough to do that.
Plenty of hugs for all the boys Pink, your their rock. You have to let H do what ever he's going to do and live your own life. The M isn't over until a calm , relaxed Pink decides it is.
Hi Pink,
Our friend RD is so spot on! I can't think of anything to add at the moment, other than to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I really appreciate your help during this hell mess in my life.
H just text me: " Good Afternoon Cira. I would like to speak with you about a few things, sometime this week when you are available, like getting my last things out of the house and some other things."
If this is the same person that shared life with me during 18 years, I would say that he hates me with all his heart and soul.
My birthday is on Wednesday- June 17th, and this is the week that he chose to talk about taking stuff from the house and God knows what else.
I can't deny anymore that H is trying his best to instigate my anger, to hurt me pretty bad and see me on the floor. I can't just believe that someone does this by coincidence.
I understand I am not suppose to ready, understand or translate anything that H does. But the knife on my chest is hard to miss and he wants to make sure I know he does not remember or does not care at all for my birthday.
How can someone become so mean and so cruel, is his hate so, so big that he needs to do this?
I am letting him go, I do not bother him for anything. In his eyes I am moving forward with my life and do not even care of what he is doing with his. So, why in hell is he doing this.
I could say that it's all in my imagination, but it is not. There are so many things that happens that is just to make me unhappy, the red flags are everywhere and I can't just ignore them.
People say that love and hate walking beside each other, and I am starting believing in it. I loved this man with all my heart, I did very good things and bad things during our M. I could have been a better wife.
But he is hurting me too much now. And maybe my old ways of defending myself are not so wrong at this moment. My self defense will be to send him to hell and be done with it.
I am detaching more and more. I do not have anything to do with this monster anymore. His venom is licking out of his mouth and into anything he does or say to me. I will be far away from him.
I do not know how to answer his text. Right now I extremely mad with him, I will wait. What you guys think... do I say I am not available this week, and set a date next week? Or I just say text me. Or I can even say, talk to my lawyer if it is urgent or we can talk next week.
I really don't know and could use some advice here. The best is not being enemies because we have kids together. But I just feel it would be just so easy to finish it all now. I am so tired and annoyed with all this.
H wants some available time when I need to make some more time for all the things I need to do, including setting up IC for the S17 and S15 again. Ahg... would be so much easier to be a widow, and I would be set financially.
Sorry for so much anger, but my hear is boiling right now.
