Wow V. Now it shows his gambling was not out of sorrow from his loss of his wife but something that has been with him all along. He has chosen his addiction above all he holds dear. How sad and pathetic is that?! You don't have another woman to deal with but his addiction his his other woman. His addiction comes before any thing in his life.
This box that you found was a gift. You now know that the truth. His past will dictate his future unless he choses to change. What a waste when this man has had two amazing women in his life.
Big Hugs to,you V.....you too need a distraction ......or two. ; )
K.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Gan, Zelda as each day goes by and I discover more and more then I recognise the compulsions and addictions are in control of H.
H has wasted his life Karma, and I see only a downwards spiral unless he wakes up. I see similar things in others sitches sometimes. RDs WW comes to mind and I am sad at the losses.
Gg thanks for posting again, I missed your concise directness.
Fogg, I can either sink or swim, swimming seems the better option.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
My IC says not to file for D until H has moved his stuff
Is this just to mitigate his reaction when he's served divorce papers?
Yes. The D papers will not be pretty reading. I can also use the MP3 of h rants that I took to the police if I chose, they are recorded in his file. L says that it all goes in and the D will be quickly over.
I know in my case I've been waiting for the spectacular reactions and they shown themselves yet. My IC is recommending to be very careful post BD. That's when they'll most like come.
I think my H is in the stringing it out mode. He is collecting his stuff very slowly. That actually suits my purpose because as I will have to move then I am clearing as I go. But in fairness to me. I have much less in the way of chattels than H. Far fewer clothes etc to shift. But there is still items to move and boxes and boxes of it.
I want no drama, so I will let it unfold as it will.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Zelda, no bottom to hit. It can be true, Pink posted so about her dad and how her mum loved him all her life although she became free in the end.
I know this abuser believes he's right! He's right because V isn't a 'we' person in his eyes. Apparently the only thing he wanted was to be 'together'. If so why the golf, the booze, the sky sports, the ranting and the gambling?
I admit that I would no longer go on holiday with H and because of his drinking and ranting I hid when he came home from the pub.
My main fault was in not speaking out about the abuse sooner. I had almost no boundaries about behaviour. I sat and watched the oncoming train and only moved out of the way at the last second.
This has aged me a great deal and wearied me. I really want something different in my life.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
What I am looking'' for is a love that's forever Someone who can capture my soul in a heartbeat but stay for all time What I'm prayin' for is a match made in heaven Someone who will worship my body and still put his heart on the line
Commitment Someone who'll go the distance I need someone with staying' power Who will make me go weak in the knees
Commitment And everything that goes with it I need honor and love in my life From someone who is playing' for keeps
Sung by LeeAnn Rimes
I was mistaken this clearly wasn't H. But then perhaps he did not have his hearts desire either, just Plain V.
Must go I have boxes to pack!
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/06/1508:34 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Just plain V. !!! You do yourself such a dis service that I am moved to tears. You have a huge heart and you thought you could help H. You probably did and a lot more than you will ever know.
Please believe that you are a very special person that any man would be blessed to have in his life
I'm not posting much at the moment but I am reading others sitch. I've said this before Vanillia, you have more strength in your little finger than all of our WAS put together
Take care Vanillia and no more putting yourself down. Rd. xx
I spent the whole of the weekend packing H stuff into boxes.
I had absolutely no idea H had so much stuff, it lurks in cupboards, hides behind doors, under beds, in pieces and with wires.
Absolutely no idea why H saves almost everything. Duplicates and triplicates of essential items, repackaged. old spares and manuals from long deceased equipment. Old phones, battery packs, leads etc. I have just packed it. I have no idea why H wants to save this stuff and it's not for me to decide. I have carefully packed almost every single item, the only items not packed are mouldy, perished or so corroded they will damage other items. I have wrapped in paper, cleaned and sprayed polish.
As I go I have de cluttered my stuff, but it's pathetic in comparison. A little like a mole hill compared to a mountain.
I need to make a decision about CDs, LPs and DVDs. I will record these before I hand them back to H. This may take time but I doubt H will notice the slow return as most of it is packed into the attic in boxes.
Gracious, I have a new hobby! learning ripping, Edz kindly advised me a few threads back so I will begin.
I am as stiff as a board, carrying boxes and more boxes. Mirrors, lamps, pottery, electrical equipment. The small van is full, packed to the core. Not one single space, but it's done.
The one thing that strikes me is that H has little sense of humour. I find most things amusing but this infuriates H. I have found myself rocked with laughter at some of the items saved. Why would H save his DWs, old underwear or empty perfume bottles, he must have some sentimental reasons. Empty shampoo bottles anyone? Toilet roll cardboard? Chocolate foil wrap?
By doing this de cluttering I feel so much lighter and I open cupboards and things don't fall out on me. I open drawers and they are organised not crammed. I can see the towels in the airing cupboard. I don't have 3 ironing boards two of which are damaged. I have only one iron, one Hoover, one mixer, and no electric knife!
Old cans, bottles and jars are thrown away. Junk food is gone, empty biscuit tins kept because they are attractive, gone. Old towels kept for cleaning gone. Tea towels with holes gone. H you can have all these to sort and clear, none of this is mine.
I am aware that in the Big House I was gradually crowded out. Less and less of me and more and more of H. I have white towels, dressing gowns, bedding and covers. I throw away or recycle damaged dirty and worn out items. Old electric stuff is recycled straight away.
I know that I was struggling under a mountain of stuff. Suffocating when managing it.
I feel freer as H takes his stuff. I am also noticed that there is very little of 'our' stuff and what there is has been bought by me. H spends his cash on H, and my cash goes on bills.
This has been a real experience for me. Unique.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/07/1509:55 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
