Happy to see you back V. You are a strong woman and dealing with all this with grace and dignity. One day at a time is all you can do. Big hugs...Karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
OD we were thinking of Jamfest, it depends on workload at the moment though.
Karma thank you.
One day this week I performed well (Monday), Tuesday was tooth day and not so good. Wednesday was very poor indeed and yesterday was tail spin day with little done, I was exhausted so rested and then went to the gym and sauna. Good thing was I caught up a little with every ones posts on this board.
Did pack another 4 bags and 6 storage boxes of H stuff though for him to collect, I am looking for this phase to be over so I no longer have to find any item of H or his past life around in any location. I have another three or four boxes of H stuff ready to pack. I seem to have only just started, his office is packed, his clothes, shoes and now his "ornaments" and pictures. A little of his electrical goods, lamps, phones and mirrors packed. Next kitchen, bedding, towels, laundry, microwave and cookware. So much stuff, at least it will make moving easier!
H is off to Madeira on the 9th June and isn't back until the 19th, he should move his stuff from there. He is going for golf.
My IC says not to file for D until H has moved his stuff which is as fast as I can pack it and he can collect it. I am going as fast as I can manage and as fast as H brings storage boxes. Because I am selling the Big House then I don't want the house to look cluttered with boxes otherwise it would be "big b ang".
My IC describes this as "gently untangling" and says that I am too gentle. She thinks the results may be that H will perceive me as invested still in an R. When he realises that I am gone from any R then his reaction will be either anger at loss of control or severe depression. I should watch out for vindictive retaliation. I have to be careful to give H all of his things.
IC says H will likely crash in roughly 6 months but believes I am recovering a little. Trauma takes a long time of recovery. As for me I live each day, one day at a time, I can only deal with today and that is a handful.
I will work my sitch today.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Started clearing a storage cupboard and throwing away boxes from things long gone. I found 4 storage boxes of H, I did not know they were there. Things of his deceased wife. Diaries, old paperwork, her will and other stuff.
I do what I always do, remove my glasses so I am not tempted to pry. My heart was full of sadness for a woman I have never known. a woman who fought battle with cancer and lost. A difficult thought crossed my mind if this DW had the same stresses I have had.
I know she cancelled her life policies when she had cancer, which I thought very strange. You can never get cover if you have had cancer and the mortgage on their house wouldn't be paid off, leaving H homeless. Was it because she wanted H to wake up to hit rock bottom? To stop him gambling? and yes she went to GAManon the booklet was there to pack.
I did not pry, I respected her privacy but I recognise the GAManon logo.
I cried at the destruction and I feel very 'out of body'.
This has phased me as I always thought she had never known that H was a compulsive gambler who had gambled away their home by remortgaging and was heavily in debt. Now I have no illusions- DW did know.
My heart feels so heavy.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/05/1510:43 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, that must have been very tough indeed. It's hard enough coming across things belonging to people who have passed away, let alone someone you now know you share a common experience with but never met. I would have been thoroughly rattled. Take it easy today.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Oh, V. I am so sorry. We used to say about my father, some people, have no bottom to hit. I am sorry that your H's ailments fell away also. I do understand how it all burns. I really do.
I'm learning that abusers do not often have any idea that they are abusing and manipulating. It is as natural as breathing air. Most of them do indeed see themselves as victims. And every choice afterwards is justified.
Maybe this dear lady would have wanted you to know what she went through. You never know if she's been watching over you all along.
V, you have shone so bright during some very dark days. Imagine when the sun really is shining for you. I cannot wait!
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
My IC says not to file for D until H has moved his stuff
Is this just to mitigate his reaction when he's served divorce papers?
I know in my case I've been waiting for the spectacular reactions and they shown themselves yet. My IC is recommending to be very careful post BD. That's when they'll most like come.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Sorry to hear about the new info about DW and H. I'm not even really sure what to say to that. It just makes me angry and saddened at how much damage a person can do without realizing it.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
IC says H will likely crash in roughly 6 months but believes I am recovering a little. Trauma takes a long time of recovery. As for me I live each day, one day at a time, I can only deal with today and that is a handful.
With as much as your dealing with at the moment any recovery is still impressive. Many would be sinking and your still rising!
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
