Can any of the vets tell me if there has been any success stories? How long have LBS endured and waited for their WAS to return? and how do you not lose hope?
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Emo, have a look on Mozza's thread. He has posted links to a number of success stories. Also, have a think about how you define success. If it only means reconciling, there are fewer 'success' stories around. If it also means moving forward truly happy with your life alone, there are many more success stories. And this is why the premise of DB is 'save yourself first and foremost' - you may also be lucky enough to save your M...
In answer to how long LBS have endured...if you hop over to the MLC area of the forum, you'll see that many have endured years, rather than months. For me, I promised myself I would give things at least a year from BD. After that I'm less sure..
As for not losing hope. If you stay on the boards for a while, you see sitches 'turn' even when they were at a point where there seemed to be little cause for hope. Of course if you have managed to detach and live your own life in happiness, none of this seems quite so important anyway..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks Toots. I too have promised myself a year from BD. I am still in the process of detaching, in the scheme of things its only been 6-7 weeks since BD.
I continue doing GAL activities but I still get the stress/ache in my stomach when I see my H (though this is not as intense as the first three weeks). I am trying to work on my 'persona" of being cheerful and happy in-front of H and being less hostile to him when I communicate. Talking to a counsellor about these issues soon.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Why do I feel so frustrated that my H cannot take responsibility for his decision? My H saw one of my friend today and she asked where I was and asked about our trip. H basically said our trip was cancelled because stuff has happened over the last two months and that she should ask me.
So, I spoke to H and said that I would rather he told the truth to people as opposed to me telling them about our sitch. I also asked that he owned up that it was he who decided. Is that too much to ask?
Emo, I've been plugging a video in my thread. Check it out if you can.
Cliff notes- yes, it's too much to ask. "No expectations" means just that. Don't expect anything, and stop trying to influence his behavior.
You can have boundaries. You can protect yourself. That's about you. Keep it on you, not him.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
H broached the subject about splitting our assets, how soon did people here discuss this topic with their WAS? Its only been seven weeks and I sense that H wants to move quickly which only heightens my suspicion to the reason behind his eagerness....
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Can any of the vets tell me if there has been any success stories? How long have LBS endured and waited for their WAS to return? and how do you not lose hope?
Emo, someone (Pyrite?) said on my thread that I have to lose hope to have hope. Detachment has to come first, I have found this very hard to do. Every day I have to force myself not to think of H.
In regards to the finances, we opened and separated accounts 1 month after H filed for D.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Thank you. I am slowly detaching but it is hard with kids. There are days where I don't look at my mobile to see if he has texted and there are other days when I check every so often (usually the days when I do not engage in GAL activities!).
We opened up separate accounts as soon as he BD but everything still comes out of our joint account. Talking about settlement just brings up all the hurt again. I spoke to my counsellor today he basically said to be specific about what I want as this is what I can control and not to think about what would benefit H.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Zues - agree that it was expecting too much. Talking to my counsellor today made me realise that I can choose to be "factual" about this separation to stop the hurt bubbling up.
BTW - saw all three videos you mentioned, very insightful and thank you for sharing. Expectations do ruin a M and I have started to think about the expectations I had placed on H and our M. I guess one thing that sticks out is that I had expected our SL to be "fixed" instantly. This might have put undue pressure on him and questioned his emotional desire for me.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
So I had my last lunch with my MIL before she leaves for the UK on the weekend.
She asked if I wanted reconciliation. I replied course I do. She then said that if it was her perhaps I should be nicer with H, be cheerful etc. I know what she means. My interaction with H is pretty limited to talking about the girls, is offish and cold. I soo wish I could be nice, not be cold/offish "sit" down with H and just 'talk' but I find it difficult to do so. My MIL said that what I am doing is "closing" the door for reconciliation. She then mentioned that H still loved me and there was a part of me that heard that and then another part of me asked if he still loves me, why put us through this?
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Last weekend I drove 3 hours out of town to visit a remote community. It was totally liberating because a) I've never driven a beast of a ute on my own, always relied on H to do the driving b) it was spur of the moment decision, always wanted to visit this community so thought why not now? c) it has inspired me to explore my backyard and d) My DDs have seen me do something totally different which is positive action in itself
Planning to do another trip somewhere sometime soon...
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
