Well, I am hoping that the day out might be good. She might remember how we used to be and figure out what she's missing. It might help her think about talking.
The house doesn't mean anything to me. W picked it - I always hated it, it's brought nothing but bad luck for the past 7.5 years we've lived in it. It's been a money pit. We tried to sell last year and it didn't move. W asked to take it off the market in January - no probs.
I'm preparing myself for the worst possible outcome. Protectionism, I suppose. I don't know if I'm out to prove something, but at least I see life continuing for me if she does go; I didn't see that a few weeks ago.
I was thinking the last statement through on the train this morning. It's something my friend said he had used on his wife, when she was going to leave. His W thought they were going to be friends etc. and still meet up. He said something similar and she stayed, but as W is VERY stubborn, I don't know if this will just validate her statement.
Not harsh, honest. That's what this is all about.
Last edited by Huddy; 05/27/1506:22 PM. Reason: spelling
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
My opinion? We know they are all over the place. Let's not make any bold statements here. You are lucky in a way as there isn't an active A to concern yourself about. So the DB principles still apply.
Do something different. Observe and measure success/failure. Journal Goal set Be the lighthouse
You have a real chance at this IMO. The day out is a good opportunity. Focus on you and the kids. Be nice to your W but, well you know the line. Stay away from R talks unless she brings it up then mirror, listen (really listen, remember the first rule of fight club) and validate.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Real chance? No expectations. No R talk planned from me. Funny, she said on Saturday that she was open to talking but thought I would just make it about us. I told her I wouldn't, so, I think she is possibly having second thoughts, but it's up to her.
I got told by SD that W spent all day with one of her female friends from school, the one who had a brief split this year, but got back together. Who knows what they were talking about.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Real chance? No expectations. No R talk planned from me. Funny, she said on Saturday that she was open to talking but thought I would just make it about us. I told her I wouldn't, so, I think she is possibly having second thoughts, but it's up to her.
I got told by SD that W spent all day with one of her female friends from school, the one who had a brief split this year, but got back together. Who knows what they were talking about.
Yea, we are all looking for that cheerleader. Anyway if she wants to talk then that's a good thing no? Let her talk.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Just a thought that has struck me. If SIL is pushing for W to do things, will that work against her in the end, in a similar way that me/H pushing w pushes her away?
Anybody with a view?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Probably have to move thread again soon, so this is probably one of the last posts.
Walk home from station in the p****** rain. W meets me at top of stairs and asks why I didn't call her. 'Why would I call you' is my response. 'So that I could pick you up from the station'. I respond with 'I didn't think you were picking me up anymore'. 'Well, I picked you up yesterday' (yeah, but you had a motive). Upshot, I'm back to being picked up. Crumbs?
W then tells me S has been really naughty and has broken one of her Betty Boo figurines. Every birthday, anniversary, Christmas, I use to buy her one or one of those Disney snowglobes. I tell S off, but his behaviour has been poor since W dropped the bomb. Tell W I will mend the figurine tomorrow.
Make my tea and see that W is really down. W is sat on the sofa, one side of her face covered with her hand and seems to be shaking her foot. So, here is why my backslide might have kicked in. My heart told me to go over give her a hug and tell her she'll be ok. My head told me to leave her. I hate seeing her so miserable - really, really miserable.
I just don't know if she's suffering from depression as a combination of her menopause and the autism of our S, or she really just hates the sight of me and wants away. Whatever it is, I notice that her phone is sat beside her again, so I guess SIL/MIL has been on the hotline.
She just won't talk. I'm hoping she might open up after the trip on Monday (she might back out I suppose) but if it is medical, what do I do? Is LRT the real way forward or am I just seeing her fall into realisation that this isn't going to be easy for her. Conflicted, I be!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Ok dude. So this is difficult. I get the feeling the W is feeling the pressure. IMO? Be the rock. Be stable, happy, GAL and be there for the kids. Look, if you are open to discussion, and put no pressure on her then good. But she HAS to come to you. You do not let yourself drift to r talks with her. And that as far as I understand it is that as far as the next step.
She is crazy and confused. You are the enemy but you were also her rock for so long. See where the conflict arises?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
