im 35 and have a hard time maintaining my body too. maybe aerobics class or zumba? idk just a thought.
i think a vacation is a really good idea. i really dont have any where to travel to since everyone is already here. lol but it will give you some time away and help clear your mind a little bit...
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
This morning I went for a run(walk/run) and had lots of thoughts going thru my head, not good ones for the most part. Two things keep rolling in my mind, I want to know I did the best I could do to try to save my marriage and I don't want to be bitter and resentful toward him the rest of my life. I am becoming bitter and resentful, not because he wants a divorce, but because the way he has/is handling it. For me, I need to work thru this because I see the future (my mom) as a bitter ex-wife and it isn't pretty.
Pretty low key day other than that. Kept to myself for the most part. H spent most of the day on the couch watching TV, I did some cleaning, surfed the net and watched tv in my room. Later, I went to the store and did not ask him if he needed/wanted anything like I usually do. Made homemade mac n cheese for dinner and grilled burgers. I had been asking him to grill in the past but today I did it, pretty well I might add! (I did have to ask him to start the grill because it wasn't working). I'm not going to lie, I was hoping he'd offer to grill but he didn't.
I work mon-thurs this week and his surgery is scheduled for Friday. I am going to try to schedule a coaching session, it's just hard to have any private time....
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Girl. Keep doing all those things, follow sandi's rules to a T. You are now in LRT I believe.
As for this.... I am becoming bitter and resentful, not because he wants a divorce, but because the way he has/is handling it. For me, I need to work thru this because I see the future (my mom) as a bitter ex-wife and it isn't pretty.
I believe you won't be that person bc you recognized it already! You are already heightened to look for that condition.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I know it can be challenging to find time to speak freely and privately with your DB Coach. Please call me so we can schedule something that will work for you.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I think I forgot to mention that he has admitted to texting other women. Said nothing serious because how could it be. I feel like he was trying to justify his actions because "he doesn't do it in front of us, goes out in the garage when he gets a text." He also made a comment about "when I wasn't working much." I reinforced how disrespectful it was to do that in our home period. Also said he would like to start dating....
Not sure how to be in LRT when we live together and I'm going to have to help him through surgery and recovery. Have been quieter but trying not to be cold...not easy.
Last edited by lost18; 06/02/1502:50 AM.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Have you thought about setting the boundary and getting him out of the house?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Yeah lost, if I were in your place I'd go one of two directions.
1. Maintain status quo for a specified period of time in my mind, like 3-6 months...but be much more detached and dark. Live as if you were legally separated. GAL like crazy. No more family time. And be prepared to say "I'm not willing to live in an open marriage, I wanted a committed relationship but it's clear you don't, I'll respect your wishes but ask that you respect my need for distance" and just cut it off for good. I wouldn't feel responsible for his surgery, let his text buddies figure that out. I'm only reading this and I'm sick of the cake eating.
2. Decide that you're ready to file a separation and potentially secure your own place. It wouldn't have to be a D, and you could still remain committed to your M in the sense of DBing and keeping the road home smooth...like Sunny (almost used her other name, hehe). She is living separated with STYLE. It can be done. Yes, your H may go buck wild, get nasty, etc, etc...but maybe in a year or two he'll realize you're not playing. Or maybe you can even turn the S into a D in 6 months and let him shape up or ship out. But I don't hate this idea.
One thing I'd encourage you to do is to watch the video I keep raving about. It really speaks to the question: Should I be the noble virtuous person that tries to find meaning in a bad M? At least it did for me (in the third video).
I don't believe in D under almost any circumstance...physical danger is almost the only thing...so personally I think I'd commit to another period of time and go much darker...but each of us has to find their own way.
What does your DB coach say?
Good luck!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hey guys, I have been doing tons of thinking of how I want to move forward. As far as his surgery I have to do what I feel is right, in spite of his selfish, callous behavior. I could tell him to call his sister but it just isn't who I am.
I think option 1 is what I'm thinking at the moment, at least for 2-3 months. It is hard to cut family time completely, tonight for example, I cooked dinner, the girls set the table and we all ate and talked. Mostly D16, but really dinner is the only time she talks, other than that she is holed up in her cave (bedroom) or with friends. So, just trying not to engage directly with him too much.
Honestly, I don't see much hope for my M, so it will just be navigating through to the other side, and yes whatever happens I'll do my best not to slam the door to possible reconciliation later down the road but I almost feel like I need to give up hope in order to focus on me.
So after his surgery, and vacation, and hopefully securing a permanent job, in 2-3 months I will be letting him know that it is time for him to find his own place...
Until then, stay as dark as possible while living together and GAL...
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
That sounds like a reasonable plan. In the scheme of things 2-3 months isn't that long, and it gives you time to get your ducks in a row. I'm sorry you've had this long, dragged out experience. But you sound really great. What doesn't kill us...?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
