Yesterday was a pretty good day. My day back at work after the vacation was pretty stress free. After work, I went for a jog, laid out and read a chapter of my new book at the pool, did some grocery shopping, picked up some new music CDs at the library, and met up with a pal for a few beers. It felt great to be busy.
That's awesome! Way to stay busy. I agree, the DB session should be good, especially with the ups and downs you've been feeling lately. They should be able to give you additional tips specific to your sitch that can help with detaching and not pursuing.
Glad to hear it - keep it up!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Ok, detachment and text experts I need your help! STBX called twice this morning. I didn't answer either call. She then follows it up with this text message:
"Let me know if ignoring phone calls and texts is the new normal so I can know who I should contact in case of emergency."
I feel that I should respond as this is my chance to set a boundary even though it appears it is just another power move on her part.
Possible reply:
"Hey. Hope you are well. I've been super busy. It's ok to call or text about the kids."
Thoughts? Or should I not even reply?
Last edited by Defacto; 05/28/1501:57 PM.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Sounds like she's testing and wanting control back. Wanting to make sure you are still there.
I'd keep it short. Maybe something like:
"Sorry, I've been busy. If there's an emergency regarding the kids, I'd want you to call/text me. I'll make myself available when it concerns them."
I agree. If she had an actual emergency, she would've let me know.
I dig your text edits. However, I don't want to apologize for being busy. I have considered not giving her any explanation there too.
Here's what I got now: "Hi. I've been super busy. If there is an emergency with the kids, please call or text me. I'll make myself available when it concerns them."
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
"Great. You've chosen to make this ugly. Good job."
I haven't replied to either text. But I do plan on replying to the first text. No need to hurry though. Gives the vets a chance to respond.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Its about control, she is trying to control you and your actions by using the kids. When I started detaching the W HATED it ... she blew up my phone one morning, TM and calls ... then I get a TM "We got into an accident please call" I immediately called and asked if they were ok, she started in on me ... I stopped her and told her it was obvious there was no emergency, no crash, I had no desire to speak with her .... told her to think about what she just did becuase next time when there actually might be a real emergency it will not be my fault for not responding to her cyring wolf game.
When we set boundaries .. they WILL test them
I would simply TM back asking her if there was an emergency you are more than available .. otherwise do not expect a rapid response as you now have a new life (not one you asked for) and will do the best you can to move on.
Sounds like your W is losing her grip and it is making her nervous. She is trying to maintain control over you. Although it sounds like she is accusing you of "making it ugly", she is actually threatening that she is going to "make it ugly". Can she? Truly? The vets will tell you that WW is a "paper tigress" and that our fear of WW is based on a faulty perception of them. I *hope* a vet will chime in about this. I would never respond to this because you will not convince her otherwise. She will blame you regardless. Everything she does is to justify her own improper actions.
In the meantime, keep your chin up and consider it the ramblings of someone who is completely removed from reality.
Seems like Caliguy and I are of the same mind. It is about control. Nothing else.
RAI
P.S. Caliguy, our sitches are very similar. Right down to the BD timing. I have been meaning to check out your thread in more detail. Just haven't had time.
