gan 7 - Ants Marching

[jim0987]

Hi Gan,

So how was uganda? any more debatable travel companions on the flight back?

So when looking at your timelines does the nobel prize make a difference?

[Old Dog]

I was a guitarist in 'something' a long time ago now. Not Pink Floyd though: not even the Australian Pink Floyd. I did play in Oz & NZ in the late 80s but never got to Africa.

I have cousins in RSA, maybe one day I can visit them.

[gan]

Old Dog: Can't believe you even know about Australian Pink Floyd, OD. Hmmmm...so a guitarist in a band that made it all the way to Australia in the late '80s. That narrows it down a wee bit... ;-)

Jim: Uganda was good as always. Plane flight back was dull by comparison though...

[jim0987]

Dang you two are peaking my google investigative curiosity!!!!!

[Old Dog]

WW actually worked alongside the wife of the OZ Pink Floyd guitarist a few years ago. They lived about half an hour away.

It was for a short time so we never manage to blag a guest pass in the that time though.

[gan]

Careful there, Jim. Remember the asterisk bit!

[gan]

Wait OD, so Australian Pink Floyd live in the UK? That seems a bit off!

[gan]

So, time for a more meaty update.

First I wanted to acknowledge all the people who have come with me on this journey - either through posting here or offering insights on their own threads: the UK crew (Vanilla, Toots, Edz, Jim, Old Dog), the lovely mummies (Maybell, Ahoy, SunnyB, Raliced, Claire), the Martians (Mozza, Zues), da ladies (LisaB, Zelda, Calibri), and my mates downunder (Ggrass, Vossy) (with apologies to anyone I’ve forgotten). Weird to feel so connected to you all without ever actually meeting you. I also wanted to thank the vets who generously give their time on these forums (MrBond, Cadet, Wonka, Starsky, Sandi…and a special thanks to Labug, who posted here only a few times but guided and inspired me more than than she will ever know as I read (and re-read) her threads).

It seems many in my “cohort” have reached a point where things are as they are and we’re generally feeling ok. I’m no different in this respect. Life is good and I continue to be amazed at how much I have learned about myself the past year. I really didn’t realise how much of me had been swept up in relationship-land.

I continue to be fascinated by Myers-Briggs personality types. Being aware that I am an ISTJ makes it easier to see why I respond to situations the way I do, and why others react differently. Best of all I feel more able to accept those parts of me that I didn’t always like - it’s a package deal and while I can and do try to work on my weaknesses, I also accept that they come along with many of the things that I appreciate about myself. Being as ISTJ probably contributed to some of the problems in my M, but they also contributed to me being fairly resilient throughout its end…and explain to a large extent why I have continued to stand:

"Since the ISTJ is so willing to work hard at issues, and so tireless at performing tasks which they feel should be done, the ISTJ generally makes a wonderful, caring mate who is willing and able to promote a healthy, lasting relationship which is also a partnership.” (Source: some website)

On a separate note, the other thing I’ve been mulling over lately is if/when to start actively dating. “Plane-gate” left me a bit rattled. I confess I was flattered by the whole thing and enjoyed the male attention. But he was a married man and I had no intention on letting it go further even if my mind did get caught up a little in the whole idea. So yes, I get how easily affairs must happen. On the other hand, what I’ve learned from this is that I am going to be very vulnerable if/when I do start dating. I’m undecided about what to do with that at the moment.

As for H? Well, I can’t really see things turning around from here. I’m about a week away from a year to the day that H moved out. We can now file for D. I have no intention on doing so for now but have started to feel a bit more anxious when I open the mail box.

Throughout this I have mostly felt compassion for him, not anger. I do still have moments of sadness and have a little cry every now and then. Not in a needy way. I’m just sad that he couldn’t find it in himself to work on our M. Despite the generally ok vibes I have towards him, I have noticed that I still have difficulty wishing him well in what ever direction he goes. I mean I want him to be happy of course, but part of me still wishes that he is unhappy so that he questions his decision (still more work to do on detaching - clearly). With such limited contact - and no "inbetweeners" - I have no idea where he’s at actually….but if I play the numbers based on what I read here about WAS he may not be faring so well. That saddens me.

So…take home is I am doing well, ever discovering me and the world around me and awaiting new adventures.

[Old Dog]

Wait OD, so Australian Pink Floyd live in the UK? That seems a bit off!

The guitarist in question had almost retired I think. He certainly lived here and only did UK & maybe European tours at that time.

[jim0987]

Hi Gan,

Thanks for the update on where you are at.

without that interaction or go between its difficult to know exactly where he is at - equally even if you did it wouldn't necessarily be that reliable as people present an image of what they want to convey

Best of all I feel more able to accept those parts of me that I didn’t always like - it’s a package deal and while I can and do try to work on my weaknesses, I also accept that they come along with many of the things that I appreciate about myself.

I just highlighted this because it seems really healthy. some of the traits that cause difficulties in one area of our life are the same traits that allow us to excel in others, we just need to learn to tailor our approach to the circumstances

in terms of 'actively dating' how does that represent a change for you, as you're an ISTJ I assume that means a particular change in your (probably very rational) approach to things?

as for the asterix - well theres a danger there that if i'm wrong then your colleague gets a very strange email

hope you have a good day