I can understand your Hs position on this totally. I have "fantasised" about my W with another man. I think mostly it was born of wanting to see her lustful and sexy. Not that I never did, she was always responsive but our SL was very ....infrequent.
BUT I cringe at the thought of her holding hands or being affectionate with another man. Now she is doing it on MY couch infant of MY children. (******** b****h).
Sorry, i've had a very up and down day.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Ironically, our sex life is one thing that was very positive. I wanted to be open to my H in his sexual fantasies as it was a way of us sharing/ bonding. After his initial EA in 2011, he did not touch me at all for 3 months. This was when I started with the pictures etc and he loved it.
He then opened up to his fantasies and we explored that. We both agreed and got turned on by it.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
H did express that it was important that he was the one I was intimate with, holding hands, kissing etc!
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
It would be our anniversary soon, do I acknowledge it? It is taking me all my strength not to look at his FB and our joint accounts.
I did text him to say thanks for sorting out S a special birthday card (he asked a 'friend' to make the card), present yesterday. The reply was no problem, S deserve it
I do feel stronger today and no where near as tearful as yesterday!
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
this is great Smothy. You can appreciate the +ve, and acknowledge that you DID try (pictures) to keep it going. You did contribute +vely to the R. Remember this please. You are worthy, you have a good heart and you are loveable.
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
I would let him initiate /celebrate the anniversary. it is really the most controversial of all the "holidays" b/n you. and he is the one that wants the D. but i'm not in a good place to be advising on strategy.
mine is just getting worse by the day. Of all the things that bring me down the most, it is her using maiden name immediately following BD and removing her ring. I backslide every time I get wind of W maiden name. She couldn't organise paying the mortgage, but she changed her name quick smart.
have a good day sweetheart. No tears today. IC and DB coach should be soon yeah? i am going to sleep now. I h have L tomorrow and Dr appointment. At least no work! have to start trying for pre-2AM bedtime. monjana.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Sadly Smooth, whilst all men have fantasy dreams about their wife having a threesome etc., in reality, nobody really wants somebody to get up close and personal with our other halves.
Pictures - yeah, I get that; who wouldn't want to see their W looking sexy and you can get off on that. Making a video together or something, again, I can see how that gets somebody going, but actually getting another fella to rip into you four times seems a bit....well, each to their own. Did he take part, or were you alone? Was he watching?
Just my opinion, in a field where I have never done any of these things, so discount my opinion if you want, if you have had intercourse whilst he wasn't there, I don't see how that could be a fantasy, unless he gets off on being a cuck.
I think that's probably goosed the relationship. Don't know how you come back from that.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
2) this is a difficult one and one I am grappling with at the moment. Sometimes, I think that it is me wanting to,have him because of control and I don't want him to be with any one else. Other times my love I feel for him overwhelms me, I can feel it physically.
Hi dear Smothy,
Sorry for coming in very late in the tread but hope it's ok. This is a thought I'm also thinking of every now and again, and I'm not sure if it's my hurt feelings who desperately want me to get unhooked and this would be an easier way, talking myself into not being that into him..
But more or less every 15 minutes I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of loss, sadness of loosing him and then I think that if it only was loss of control or something like that I wouldn't have those feelings, nightmares and so on.
Now I'm going to continue reading your tread..
Hugs Smothy!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
I know detachment is the key. I want to let of of the rope, but something holds me on. I should have zero expectations. I am scared once I let go there will be no turning back for me.
May be this it a good thing?
Feel the same.. This detaching is scary business..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
We have an illusion that if we cling to the rope we can control our WAS. We cannot. They have let go of the rope. We are clinging to a rope that leads to nothing. And as long as we hold on to it we are just tying ourselves to nothing.
I wonder what clinging to the rope is doing for you? I mean, not just "I want my M to work". I know. But clinging isn't helping. So really. What is clinging doing for you? It's a really good question to ask.
Thank you Zeus! Needed this!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
