OK. I said it in a 'normal' voice. I said 'I'm concerned about S's behaviour. I'm going to make an appointment to see his specialist'. She replied, shouting, 'Why are you talking softly. You're just trying to get the upper hand. He'll be fine when this situation is sorted'. Then she just stormed off.
So, do you think this is your rules starting to work? The fact I remained calm and objective in my conversation whilst she was determined to have a fight. I think if i'd asked her if she wanted a cup of tea, the outcome would have been the same.
Thanks to everyone who asked, S calmed down yesterday but D overheard me talking to SD about flats (apartments for our US cousins) if we have to move out and reacted by saying 'no' and hugging me for a whole hour. It's this part that is still hurting.
Sandi2 - nothing you say offends, by the way. I am just grateful that you can provide some insight into something, I think, all us LBS just can't work out.
Last edited by Huddy; 05/21/1502:06 PM. Reason: Spelling
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
My own take on this is how I'm astonished at how much we need to change how we speak to our W's in the face of all this. Something so normal like 'I think S should see a Doctor' can suddenly become ammo for them, where before BD that would merely have been a concerned conversation about him. I get what Sandi is saying and i agree with her approach but geeze.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Yeah. Before BD, this is the sort of thing we sould have talked about together and then dealt with together or one of us would have made the arrangements and we'd both go. We've always been to S's appointments together as we both care for his wellbeing. There is a blockage in the tubes and we need dynorod!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Ah, the bosom of a loving family home......no, scratch that.
So, I managed to get as far as the kitchen before spewfest started. I was asked again about that bill (I don't know if you've paid it - I told you I had) then started on about me getting my own bank account. Tried to tell me how I was going to run my financial affairs (W - my solicitor says you have to do this etc.) but I told her I don't. She threatened to 'get rid' of my post (my bills etc.) if I didn't do as she said (well, just do it, I'm not bothered) and I'd get a black mark.
I was speaking in a normal soft voice as the kids were there, she was shouting, so I told her to come in the kitchen if she wanted to talk further as I didn't want to upset the kids. I told her she said we were seperated, so I'm looking after myself now. She shouted back saying I was 'being petty'. I told her I wasn't going to talk to her whilst she was shouting.
Then, it happened. For the first time in this sorry affair, she welled up and ran off upstairs to the master bedroom shouting that I was being unreasonable.
Is this the dynamic finally changing, or just a momentary blip.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Be strong. Very strong. You are doing the correct thing. Think about it, you are being petty by looking after your affairs but she's valid in threatening to toss out your mail? Which is a crime btw.
When she returns, and she will. Be calm and happy. When my WW was like this to me I simple stated I will do what I deem necessary in my own time. She hated it. The email from the other day was what finally calmed her down. Up to that point she couldn't hear what I was saying, just what she thought I was saying. The good thing about writhing it down is I could point out indirectly how a lot of the cr*p she was complaining about was a tually her own doing. Let her cry for now. She will hopefully start to realise just what she is facing. And btw, it's not even started to get hard yet.
Last edited by NDY; 05/21/1505:10 PM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hmmm...W is crying bucketloads down the phone to somebody. That makes me sad, but I can't give in. It's probably self pity on her part.
and guilt. Don't forget the guilt. Yip, it's only just beginning. It takes a while for them to realise that once they sack us as their H they don't get to tell us what to do anymore.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Sad to say, but I'm glad you've got a few months on me with this (don't take that the wrong way - I think you'll understand what I'm saying).
As she's on her mobile, it'll be SIL. MIL is at work until 7, so that wasn't hard to figure out. I guess she wanted to be heard, because I'm in bathroom with kids and I could hear the sobbing above the bath running. Interspersed with lots of 'I knows'. No doubt I'll be the biggest b****** under the sun, but I didn't start this.
I think what will really hit her is when she gets a reply letter from my L. That makes it very real then. W has got an estate agent coming tomorrow - big deal; not signing anything.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
