In the UK -need help (pt3)

[Smothy]

Huddy, maybe your W reacts the ways she does because she is guilty?

[Tulo]

Morning Huddy,

Hope you wake up this morning with the sun shining down on you, making for a good day in DB land.

I think Sandi2 is right. Take your son to the specialist, I wouldn't even tell her if it will turn into an argument.
He's your boy and you have to do what you need to do, with or without her. If she asks why you didn't tell her afterwards you can just say that you didn't want to argue with her and that's that.

I woke up being angry like a little bee today, but now it's over and I'm ready for a good day getting ready for Saturday.

We've got this either way the cookie crumbles!

[Huddy]

Morning all

Sorry I haven't replied earlier but really tired last night, so took S to bed and just fell asleep (with the help of two tablets) managed to get through to 0600!

Having a dream/nightmare a day though. Last nights was about being on a ferris wheel when the carriage turns upside down. I step in and stop the kids falling out and W begs me to come back with her. I guess that's my inner self, again, hoping I can pull this out of the fire.

Sandi2 - as always, great to get your input/analysis from somebody who was a WW. OK, I probably got it wrong by telling her what I was going to do. Yes she pulled a face when I said I was going to do it, but I wasn't using it as a weapon, I am just concerned. I can see how that pulls on resentment. Next time, will just do it and tell her afterwards.

The hand across the face thing is probably guilt/realiasion that she is doing wrong and can't admit it. My W has always been unable to admit when she is wrong. She always managed to turn it round so that she never admitted it. She's stubborn - that's a worry.

In the first week, I did tell her that being a husband is more than being a muscle bound numbskull. But as I was emotional, I probably didn't handle it well.

So, off we go again.

[NDY]

It's a new day mate. Work it to your advantage.

[Pyrite]

buckle in Huddy. ready for another day.

[Huddy]

We're not talking, so we managed to get through the entire evening without a word. She sighed though. I think she's actually feeling the pressure now.

[Pyrite]

and you are blossoming my friend whose the victim now and who is in control of their emotions. and it has all come down to you are not running away from them. good job Huddy

[NDY]

and you are blossoming my friend whose the victim now and who is in control of their emotions. and it has all come down to you are not running away from them. good job Huddy

I second this. Good job. Be the leader.

[Huddy]

Cheers gents.

[sandi2]

Just to clarify, I didn't mean to sound like I was saying to take him to his doctor without her knowledge of it. Don't do it as if you are going behind her back or sneaking him out to see the doctor. I just meant to take charge of it, without implying she has failed to do it (or to do anything else). Don't get into a discussion over it, especially if she's getting all bent out of shape.

For instance, if you say, "I wonder if son may need to see his doctor", it easily opens the door for her to pounce on you, b/c she takes it the wrong way. "What's that suppose to mean?!"

If you open your statement by saying, "I am concerned about son and wonder if he may need to see his doctor", then depending on her attitude at the moment...she will either be defensive or get offensive, b/c she's guilty and hasn't been doing a good job. I don't know that she would feel guilt (like we associate guilt feelings), more likely she would be feel anger b/c it runs parallel with "getting caught" being bad.

You see, there is nothing wrong in that statement. In fact, a logical couple would calmly discuss their concerns and go from there, right? Key word here is "logical". A WW is not logical, and therefore, how can you deal with her as though she is.

Try saying it with a more decisive tone...."I am going to make an appointment for son to see his doctor". If she doesn't volunteer to take him, you don't ask her, you just take him yourself. In fact, it would probably be better if you did, b/c she could suggest to the doctor it's all your imagination. If you take him, you could tell the doctor of your concerns about him.