Not much new to report - things are pretty much like they were last update. H and I are spending time together and apart, trying to find new ways to interact that we're both happy with. I'm busy with a lot of work, but need to get back to GAL'ing - have been slacking off lately with the summer.
It's going to take me a long time to trust him again. And I don't know if I ever will completely.
We have bumps in the road. Hurtful things are said and done that makes me realize that we're not where we need to be yet. But we're out of the ICU.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi Painter, Now that you're in piecing, are you doing things differently than when you were not piecing? I believe my husband and I are in piecing. I'm just confused if I should stop the 180? I didn't see anything specific in the book about piecing so anything would help. Thank you.
Me: 36 H: 37 T:11 M:9 S9 D3 M - 11/2005 H not in love with me anymore- 2/2015 D mentioned - 2/2015 H wants to save M - 6/2015
I am not stopping the 180s at all - they have contributed to getting us to a better place, and I'm learning how to get through to H and what I need to do to make him feel more heard and valued. The 180s, to me, are insights and the foundation for our new R.
My goal is to turn them into habitual behavior, and continue working on finding even more of them.
I'm excited about the work I am doing on myself. I still don't know for certain if H and I are going to stay together forever, but I think I may continue to DBing for the rest of my life... It impacts not only a M, but all kinds of relationships.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thank you. I agree 180s help a lot. Sometimes though I just want to kinda give him gifts, initiate conversation and pursue now that he wants to save the M.
Thank you for posting and I hope you keep on doing so. I learn a lot from them.
Oh, I see what you mean! I think all my 180s were things that H appreciated that I changed. I'm not withholding any affection that feels natural to express at this point. But I'm holding back on my OLD type of pursuing and trying new ways of reaching out that I think H appreciates more.
For instance: I used to do things for H - acts of service is my love language. His LL is words of affirmation. I'm not good with words. So now I work on doing less and saying more. You'd think that would be easy to do, right? Much less work! But surprisingly difficult to change, it's like I have a mouth full of rocks when I'm about to do it, and I feel soooo insincere.
I think this is something that will be different from situation to situation, what should you continue to do (changes that makes you a better version of yourself, and things that annoyed your spouse) and what should you go back to doing (natural expressions of affection, things spouse likes).
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Same here. Sometimes I have negative thoughts and I get scared that probably it's wrong for me to be reconciling with him but I try not to give up. It feels like progress is slow, but I guess any progress is good. Good to know it's not just me and my H feeling like this.
Best wishes to you and your H. I am hoping you'll make it!!
H and I are spending time together and apart, trying to find new ways to interact that we're both happy with. I'm busy with a lot of work, but need to get back to GAL'ing - have been slacking off lately with the summer. 
But surprisingly difficult to change, it's like I have a mouth full of rocks when I'm about to do it, and I feel soooo insincere.