We are over, now what?

[EMO1234]

Of course I still hope for a R but my H is not on the same page at the moment, so I continue with GAL and being the best mum to my DDs. If he decides to come back then its a bonus but its going to be a LONG road ahead...

[Matt777]

Oops. Meant to say not painLESS.

[Tulo]

Tulo -

If you did something to make you a better/stronger/healthier Tulo today, then it wasn't a waste.

You are right, bettering myself, that has to be the focus!

Want to know something silly.. Went out to mow the lawn who is no longer a lawn but more of a meadow.. Felt really good as I sat on my Partner and I felt, yes, you go about your business and take care of your house.. Haha, then the mower broke down! Couldn't help but to laugh! This is simply one of these days and I'm going to get some help with fixing it and try again tomorrow!

I'm going to read your post a few more times, it cheered me up! Hugs!

[Tulo]

.

I think hope for the R is important and necessary.

As it says in DR, you need to set short term goals that will allow you to reach this long term goal.

But I believe that trusting the system is the only way to reach that ultimate goal. In order to hit that final target though, you have to keep it in your sights somehow.

Thanks for reminding me, I need to check in on DR more. I had DB but accidentally gave it away to charity and bought DR instead. Didn't have the same appeal to me, so I think I might not have given it the same attention as I ought to have done. Was kind of annoyed with myself for misplacing the other one still. Going to revisit it and focus better on it..

God knows I have the time since my lawn mower gave out on me!

[Tulo]

Sounds like a very good plan EMO1234!

I have a son but his all grown and I kind of wish I had him in the house so to bring my attention to other stuff, than this.

Think this is a very long road here too, if at all possible!

[Smothy]

Tulo, my H tells me he does not want me out of his life and wants to be friends. Stupidly, at the beginning I agreed as that was better than nothing.

Now I am finding it so hard to detach, I want nothing. H emails me friendly and upbeat and all I can think of is how easy it is for you to do this. How easy it is for you to see that D is ok for me too (as I am not showing him how hurt painful it is for me) sorry to sound such a Debbie Downer.

I worry, showing him we can be friends helps them to justify their reasons for a D even more.

[Huddy]

Hi Tulo

That's the spirit. Mowing the lawn is dull, but it keeps you busy. A lot better than an idle mind.

Hi Smoothy

Schoolgirl error about being friends. We all say OK, because we don't want to let go, but in reality it just justifies their actions. It'll hurt like hell but we don't want to be friends (well not in the sense they are proposing).

He's emailing friendly upbeat nonsense because he thinks you're still hooked. You're better than that. I've said before, you're still young, you'll find somebody else if he doesn't want you.

[Tulo]

Huddy,

Now is a very weak moment indeed.. And I need to send an S.O.S to you guys before I make a massive mistake and call my ex and give him a piece of my mind..

Background is this.. My ex was a little bit jealous in our R and at one point he asked me about people I had on FB. I told him that he had nothing to worry about, I had no contact with anyone but him and were totally devoted to him. A few days later him and I had a discussion about the mother of his kids intensive texting all time about nothing at all. It was easily 10-15 times a day. He didn't reply to all of them, but still, pretty much non stop. I said to him that "You ask me about stuff and still you are the one who have this over the top contact with someone else that isn't at all called for, really." He agreed and cut back on it.

In this discussion I kind of turned the tables on him, asking him about some of his contacts on FB and why he felt that he could ask me about different people when I could see that he had a few questionable himself. Among those a childhood friend who he had a one night stand with at some point but I guess they felt it wasn't what they wanted and went back to being just friends. He removed her, on his own accord, and that was that.

Time passed and when we had our talk in the beginning of April I asked him if this had anything to do with anyone else, and if he were in contact with anyone. He said no, but said that he had called this woman because he had heard from his mother that she had to have surgery and he had called her in January and just wished her well and so on. He emphasised that he had no interest in her what so ever, but felt bad about not reaching out when she went through a hard time. He didn't tell me of this, when he did it but only at BD.

When I asked him, at our talk in the beginning of May, if he had been talking to anyone about our R and he said that he had sent her a text asking if he could call and then he had spoken to her about this because she's a "good old friend and always so open to helping others and easy to talk to". I told him that he could have told me that he missed her friendship and I would have been totally fine with it but I'm glad he has someone to talk to.

And NOW! He took our R off FB yesterday and today I get a little reminder in the feed that "ex is now friends with x" and I feel so hurt. I didn't ask him to take her off FB, I haven't been the one holding him from being friends with her, and now it feels like he's more or less saying "the wicked witch is gone and now I add you on FB and yay I'm free at last".. Or something to that affect.

SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LONG..

And all I want to do now is call him, saying that I feel like he hasn't been honest with me during our R, that he could have trusted me with his feelings that he wanted to be friends with her and that I would have been fine with it. But by not doing that, he never gave our R a chance.

PLEASE, any input on this is very much appreciated, because NC is going out the window fast I feel..

[NDY]

Wow, chill. Mountains and molehills. It's no big deal. Rise above it. If he sees that you are annoyed that'll just confirm what he believes, true or not.

It's only FB. It'll be forgotten the next time someone posts a picture of a funny cat. Pick your fights carefully. This isn't one of them.

[Sotto]

I agree with NDY, and I would lose the FB notifications etc. too. One thing i have learned on the boards is that FB following in sitches like ours just leads to misery. It all just keeps you attached, when more detachment is what you are working towards.

Take care, T :-)