Cat was talking about Christians and any denomination I have ever been exposed to, or worked for, describe Sabbath as "going to church" or "Sunday worship" etc. Others may hear different things, I dunno.
Well, Happy Sabbath to me...not! AM showed up at church today and it did not go well. I arrived late (I discovered that when you wait for the Express bus which is not running it extends your travel time)and sat down in my Sabbath School spot which is right beside a window which looks into the sanctuary where another class is being held. Ten minutes later AM comes into the Sanctuary class (she didn't come to ours) and sits in the pew right in front of my window...what a coincidence. Anyway, after class I told Agnes and Rita that the lost coin had returned and we headed out. AM got up and went directly to the pew where she and I and Agnes usually sit. When she saw us she got up and gave Agnes a big hun, and Rita a big hug...and turned her back on me and sat down in the pew. Agnes turns to me and says "are ya having fun yet?" she then offered to sit between us which I graciously accepted. Agnes had to leave the pew shortly after to lead the welcome, scripture reading and prayer. She whispered to me "you two kids be good, I'll be back" We sat there like statues me hugging my end of the pew and her squeezing into the people sitting beside her...and leaving about three feet of space between us. Next came the greeting where we all get up go around shake hands and wish each other a Happy Sabbath...normally you shake hands with the person beside you first. AM and I quickly went in opposite directions forgoing the handshake. When I returned she was sitting there and I thought about how ridiculous this was and reached over to shake her hand and wish her a Happy Sabbath. She looked at the floor, puffed up her cheeks and began blowing air through her mouth and shook my hand. OK, whatever. Next came the offering and AM hands the plate to me while looking the other way...I actually started laughing it was just so stupid! When the service ended I headed out into the hallway and Rita was there and she smiled and I said "that was fun...NOT" and she asked me why I didn't sit with her instead. I said that I had thought of that but it seemed a rather unfriendly gesture and rather obvious. I said "that was like sitting with a refrigerator!" She then asked if I was coming to the potluck and I said I didn't think so 'cuz I'd had enough of one person for today. Rita said to come and sit with her and she'd make sure AM wasn't beside me. So I agreed. We went to the potluck and I said "I feel bad right now because I'm letting someone else's behaviour dictate my own and I don't like doing that." Anyway, thankfully, AM went and sat with Church Lady and the other Filipina's. The sad thing is that all she had to do was shake my hand and say "how are you" and this nonsense would have been over. If she continues to come and this nonsense continues I may just take her aside and say "hey, can we put this behind us and start acting like adults again" Not liking this day. After church I just got off the bus at Yonge street and walked for two hours. I'm actually a bit angry at myself for allowing this nonsense to bother me. I've tried to be a good Christian brother and mend the fences but I've failed. I guess it takes two to tango and she's doing the foxtrot. Anyway, I will overcome...always do. Sorry for the lengthy babble.
You need to get past this. You 2 were not an item. She belongs to that church just as you do. I think it took a lot on her part just to go. I think everyone should move fwd & out the past in the past.
You don't know all her history. You don't know why she wasn't forthright for her. But she lost more than you did. I honestly think she never wanted to hurt you & didn't know how to tell you.
Please just act normal. Please make her feel comfortable in her place of worship. She is the one in a new country who needs to make friends. Be the bigger person here.
It was YOU who was interested in her romantically. I think she saw you as a friend.
You can all be friends. Time is passing. Enjoy your Sabbath & let her enjoy hers too. Not everything is clear or needs explanation.
Just my take.
You seem angry lately. Not just with her but with all the women online. Time to step back for a bit?
Barb, I have gone out of my way to let her know that she is a part of our church family and that I WANT her to come to church! I've told her that I'm fine and this is behind us. I can't imagine anyone trying harder than I did to mend the fences...and then she shows up and acts like an idiot. I have feelings too! What do you suggest I do? I want us to be OK with each other, I just don't know what she wants.
As far as the online thing, I treat people with respect and sensitivity... even when it's hard but I find you usually don't get that in return. The best you can hope for is that she'll just stop talking to you without explanation. Otherwise, you just get dicked around and lied to until you're bright enough to figure out that it's time to move on. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and usually regret it. I don't think anyone is trying to hurt anyone else it's just they don't know how to be honest and tactful so they mess with you until you go away. I also think it's just too easy to throw up a profile and field candidates even though you're not really ready or motivated enough to follow through. Anyway, it just gets tiring. Barb's right, time to back away for a bit and re-charge.
I've had a cold this week too which seemed to subside Thursday and Friday but Saturday it returned. This did not put me in the best frame of mind either yesterday. I'm just feeling worn down all round right now. My boss is retiring in two weeks and going around seemingly trying to get everyone to hate her even more than they already do. Not a great work environment at the moment. Oh well, next week is a new week. Time to re-frame.
OK, I sent AM a text this morning, it read "Hi AM, I'm glad you came to church yesterday. Hopefully next time we can feel a little more at ease with each other. I'm OK if you're OK Have a great week and God bless" It's in her hands now.
