Very well done. As for him appearing to be ruffled, that's his problem.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BW - I saw you had posted on another thread about gratitude. 25years posted on my thread to watch a TED talk about the power of positive thinking. It was given by Shawn Achor. I highly recommend it as it really described my way of thinking perfectly and made me realize what I want to change about myself.
For whatever reason, yesterday was a really hard day emotionally and H was not even around. When others of you first truly started to detach and let go, did you find yourself more emotional? Was so frustrated, sad, and angry that I threw a picture frame/photo of H and I across the room. I think it was also from holding in what I really want to say sometimes and I just needed a release. Assume even with detaching it is realistic that you will still have days like this. Pit in stomach is back. I have not been that upset since BD. Luckily, H was not here.
I still doing GAL, LRT, etc.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
You are going to have good days and then some bad days. That's why it's called the rollercoaster ride when dealing w/people who are suffering from a crisis, etc.
If you have that much pent up frustration, then find something physical to do, i.e., run, exercise, beat a pillow until the stuffing come out, take a ride somewhere and then scream at the top of your lungs, etc. Once you've done this, you should feel much better. Bottling up your frustration will only create health issues, but you'll blow your cork when you least expect it over something silly, etc.
Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it. As time moves along, you will slowly discover that you won't have as many ups and downs as you are having now. Detaching will help you w/this as you walk the path.
Yes, certainly a rollercoaster ride this week. Started out beginning of week great with detaching, but overcome by serious case of blues late this week. Did not help that I missed a couple of workouts and no IC last Saturday.
Met with IC today and bootcamp Thursday and Friday lifted spirits a little. Just a little taken a back by serious levels of sadness and loneliness this week. I do think that I am getting too much hope up after my H and I have good days.
Like last night for example, I probably did bad job of DBing, but when H unexpectantly came home on a Friday at 6pm, I was pleasantly surprised. I was reading, but was friendly and cheerful when he came in. He was friendly, but a little distant. After a few minutes, I got up and said I was going to pick up take out and did he want anything. He ended up deciding to come with me. Brought food back and ate together. I moved to sofa and he pulled up chair and we ended up having a 3 1/2 hour friendly conversation (no R talk). I think H was even surprised by how long we had been sitting there. It turned into a pretty great evening that I was not anticipating. He continually makes references to future in house that imply us still being there in the fall - i.e. maintainence projects and that when things slow down at work he can be around more. No references of being apart, D or other. This morning he was back to being him friendly self that I saw last weekend.
So, now I seemed to have successfully changed two behaviors on a consistent basis and I think H is noticing:
1. 100% engagement. I have been sure to repeat things he has shared weeks earlier to emphasize I am present and listening. 2. Conversation. We have been having quite a few 1, 2, 3 hour chats with ease. Clearly, there is not an issue with my personality and conversation skills. This was one of the issues my H brought up on BD day.
While this is all well and good, I do feel it is causing me to want and expect more than H is willing to give right now. While he generally has been one to initiate, it is all very controlled and on his time. Making it hard to stay detached as Cadet indicated might be the case. When he talks about new work colleagues, I wonder if I will ever gave opp to meet them. He also is making conscious choice to choose doing things more with them than me. Which us ok since I used the time for IC and mani/pedi today. I just need to reign in expectations and stay somewhat detached.
Last edited by BW05; 05/23/1511:09 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Question....Do I need to clarify with H that I am not going to approach him about R/M discussion and that I expect he will come to me when he wants to talk? Or do I not say anything and assume if he wants to discuss he will bring it up with me on his own? How did it work the vets with your WAS?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Hi BW - definitely say nothing!! Just stop initiating such convos and be busy/absorbed with your own stuff. And be very patient.....a R/M convo may take a while coming...
Good luck!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks, Toots. I have not initiated any convos in over 4 weeks. Staying busy on me unless H engages me. Was just curious as I could just see my H starting act like nothing happened.
Last edited by BW05; 05/24/1506:14 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
