Like I said .. do not go there ... heck .. I am not so sure about the MothersDay stuff either ... that is all from you and not the kids ... in line with the Birthday gift stuff that people (myself included) always struggle with.
Here is the deal ... the FB, not your circus not your monkeys ... let that go, seriously ... you can not do anything about it ... consider that a small campfire, you are walking around with a bucket of gasoline and trust me, this will burn off your eyebrows vs putting out the fire... no good can come of this. You are in NO POSITION at the moment to demand/question such things ... there is a time and place for that ... here and now is not that time and place, please trust we are trying to help you here ... think hard about it.
Also ... if it were me, I would not do all that for Mothers Day ... Last year my W was further out than yours was, I helped S get her a small gift and that was that. I was a chronic pursuer, would buy a $500 gift for her and in exchange get a bag of socks .. this was Pre BD.
At what point has your W had to face life without you?
Think about ^^^ ... you can not spoon feed or nice her back on one front and then go Alpha Male on the FB on another front ... you need to become detached and consistent ... get where I am going here?
Sunday is my W's birthday and Mother's Day, but I decided I'm not going to do anything for her. She hasn't given any indication that she wants something for me, so I'm leaving it alone. D5 wants to get her flowers, so I'll take them on Saturday, but that's it.
Really think about what getting her something says and whether it brings you closer to your goal.
Tone down the gifts! A card and the spa date are enough and those things can be from you and the children. No flowers. You don't want to over do the "knight" on the white horse stuff.
Keep things simple and don't have expectations as to what you think she do or not do in the way of reactions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Anxiety is tough for me because I have PTSD and a Panic Disorder. I do take meds to manage it.
I started working out a lot and have found that the physical activity not only relieves stress but I am almost in as good of shape as I was when I was 25 and in the Marine Corps.
Which makes me feel good about myself.
I also try and have positive thoughts. I am seeing some good results from my 180s and it has only been a little over 2 weeks.
So I am mentally focusing on taking stock in the movements. Focusing on patience and knowing that I can do this and be successful.
I also am beginning to realize that my wife has a ton of anger and resentment toward me. Some justified. Some not. But either way it is there.
So I need to keep focusing on being the best version of me I can be and just allow her to work through this in her own way and at her own pace.
I am convinced that even though she says she is done that she is doubtful, angry and confused. She would have pulled the trigger already if she were 100% certain. So I'm just staying the course and monitoring results.
What I'm doing right now seems to be moving things slowly in the right direction.
